Having A Genetic Termination On Monday

16 Replies
kiza - May 2

unfortunately I have to have a genetic termination on Monday, as my 20week scan showed our baby to have Trisomy 13. The only blood thing they didn't test for sooner. We unfortunately had a stillbirth at 20 weeks about 18 months ago and I had to be induced then aswell. It is the worst feeling going thru labour knowing your baby will not be born alive. I am having a real hard time trying to deal with this at the moment, as vivid memories of last time keep flashing back. Any idea's on how to get through this next birth?

 

iakram - May 4

Hi Kiza, I am so very sorry for your losses. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going though - all I have to say is have faith in God and time will heal your wounds. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will have you in my prayers. Much Love, iakram

 

Been There - May 4

Kiza, I am so sorry to hear you have to keep going through this. I wish I had words of comfort to help you get through this. Surround yourself with those who love you so they can help support you through this. I'm so sorry.

 

mcatherine - May 5

Kiza - what you are going through is terrible. I am so sorry for your losses. I read your other post where you told of having two miscarriages, a stillbirth and now on to this. I don't think there are any words that are going to make this easier for you. I had two miscarriages - both fetal demise where a d&e was performed. You go to sleep pregnant and wake up not - Although heartwrenching and devastating, it seemed to pale in comparison (to me) to the loss and empitness I felt when I lost my son at 21 weeks due to a fatal birth defect. During that labor, I asked to be given an anti-anxiety drug that would help relieve some of what I was feeling without clouding my head, wanting to be fully aware of what was happening at all times. (Xanax was given) I have to tell you, it did make it easier for me to make it through. I am not sure what happened after your last stillbirth, but it also helped me when I was able to hold and grieve for my child. They washed and dressed him and left him with me for a long time. When I left the hospital, I was given a memory box with pictures of him wrapped in a blue blanket with a hat made especially for children that small (which they let me keep), they had also made handprints and footprints in a clay molding. To some it seemed strange or perhaps a bit morbid, but to my husband and I, it validated our tiny son's life, it made him a real person to us - not just "a pregnancy". People were surprised to find out later how developed he was - how he was a perfect little baby, only tiny and it helped them to understand why we chose to go the route we did. We cremated him and spread his ashes into the fall leaves - I like to think those leaves tumbled off and took him to places we would never be able to. Kiza, like I said before, there just simply are no words - but you will get through this. Have faith in your higher power (whatever it may be) and let those around you help you (although I know how tempting it is to tell the world to drop dead) and know that there is always someone here willing to listen and talk to you. My thoughts are with you, your baby and your family.

 

kiza - May 6

Thankyou everybody for your kind words and thoughts. We had a 4D ultrasound done today, just for some special memories to keep, and we found out we are having a boy. My husband up until now has been a pillar of strength, but once he found out the s_x he just fell to pieces. I have never seen him so upset and he expressed to me he has never felt so low in all his life. I know exactly how he is feeling but I realise how hard it is for some men to completely show their vulnerable side. He said up until today he didn't feel that connected, but once he saw the 4D images of our son he was overwhelmed with love and sorrow knowing the outcomefor our baby. It has been extremely difficult telling our other children about what is happening to their brother, my 6 year old wrote the most beautiful and child like innocent letter to the baby, it broke my heart. My four year old son just wants to know if mummy and daddy can plant another seed so we can have another baby and his twin sister sobbed herself to sleep tonight saying she wants the baby to live. I wish with all my heart I could take their pain away, but I believe they deserve to know why mummy and daddy are upset and why their brother has to go to heaven to be with their baby sister. I really do not want to go through with another labour and delivery of a sleeping baby, but the longer I wait the harder it gets and I am just prolonging the inevitable. Thanks again for all your help and I will keep you posted on what is happening.

 

Allicat70 - May 8

Kiza, I am so sorry for your losses. I too lost my baby girl at 24 weeks due to potters syndrome. The labor and delivery were terrible but they gave me some drugs to help...I just kept praying for it to be over. After, my dh and I spent about an hour with our little angel that we named Faith. I am still suffering as this is the month I would have given birth to her. I am also about 5 weeks pregnant and am a nervous wreck. I started to bleed heavily last week and am still spotting. Doctor's not sure yet what is going on. I can't imagine having to go through what I went through again....but it is ALL in gods hands. I admire your strength...be strong...and grateful that you have three beautiful healthy children and what sounds like a wonderful husband. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

 

iakram - May 10

hi ladies, i am so very sorry for each of your losses. i hope kiza that you are doing better - your last post brought tears to my eyes. God is certainly watching over you and your beautiful family. mcatherine & allicate - likewise i wish you two all the best you are very stong ladies with great strength. i wish you all the best ladies much love, iakram

 

jessicajo - June 1

I am so sorry. I had a quad screen two weeks ago and my levels are very high so I test positive for spina bifida. I am 20 weeks and have already lost one a year ago. I went and had an ultasound and everything looks good she is a girl, But doctor wanted to do a amnio just to be safe because my levels are 22 times higher than normal I have to wait 1-2 more weeks for results and am so scared.

 

kiza - June 3

I wish you all the best of luck with your test results. Waiting is the worst. Please let us know how you get on. I see my obgyn on the 6th so hopefully will have some answers from the autopsy. Keeping you in my thoughts. xxxxx

 

Tara S - June 9

Hi Kiza, I am so sorry. I too had to be induced into labour at 18 weeks 5days due to our beautiful daughter having Turners Syndrome and no chance of survival (November 26 2005). She pa__sed during the delivery and we dressed her and took pictures and allowed our daughter who was 4 and 2 yr old son to see her. I have done a lot of grief counselling and joined a support group in our town. I am currently 8 weeks 4 days pregnant and before our daughter with Turners I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It was very hard for our family, but we are allowing her memory to live on. She is our baby that watches over us from heaven. Lots of prayers and hugs for you!

 

kiza - June 10

Thanks Tara for your kind words. Even though we were told our son would pa__s away during delivery he did manage to survive it,and then held on for another 7 hours. We were so lucky to have that time with him. We have since been told that he actually did not have Trisomy 13 but had holoprosencephaly. His problem was not chromosonal and there is no real known cause. I'm very sorry for the loss you suffered as one who truly knows the pain all to well. We also dressed our son and took photo's and had my 3 other children hold and kiss their brother. I think it really helps them with the grieving process. I wish you all the luck in the world with this new pregnancy, and I hope your little guardian angel keeps you and your pregnancy safe until it is time to hold that precious bundle in your arms. You'll be in my thoughts, please keep us updated on how you are and feeling etc. I'm hoping to ttc next month so fingers crossed.

 

Tara S - June 10

Hi Kiza, I know the hardest is when the doctors don't know why. Turners Syndrome is a missing chromosome but not hereditary. It was like being struck by lightning and chances of it happening again to us are less then 1%. Ill be honest I was angry for some time after losing Treya I just couldent understand why this happened. Your son held on for you to meet him and to know him, and thats so nice your children can share his memory with you.I felt it was best for our children to see thier sister. My daughter talks about Treya and draws pictures of her all the time.I had the kids pictures taken with Treya's angel Teddy bear to represent her in our family. Im on bed rest with this current pregnancy because of bleeding at 6 weeks they say its a threatend miscarriage.Bleeding has stopped and heartbeat was strong, but baby was measuring behind in dates.At 12 weeks Im going for a nuchal ultrasound just to rule out downs. Doctors are doing it not because Im at increased risk, but to make me feel better. Im wishing you the best in ttc! Keep in touch

 

kiza - June 11

Good luck with the nuchal scan. I too had one with my son, and was told not at risk for downs or trisomy 18. I aslo had bloods done at the same time and they compare the neck measurements and bloods to work out risk. Some places scan only. My obgyn said next pregnancy she would get them to have a real good look at baby as well as nuchal at that scan, she said there could be signs already if something is wrong with baby ( not trying to scare you sorry, but just cause of my previous history ). She works in our states biggest hospital but said she doesn't think their people are trained enough and will refer me to a obstertrician that has trained in sonography aswell. The only one in the state. So at least I know they will be doing everything possible to try and prevent this from happening to me again,she still said there is a chance nothing would show up until the 20 week scan again. My son measured a bit behind on my first scan then had caught up by the time I had the nuchal so try not to worry. Keep resting, I know how hard it is when you have other kids to look after, don't worry about the housework, it definately ain't going anywhere, and just concentrate on getting yourself over this next hurdle. Take care will speak again soon.

 

kee - June 12

I am SO sorry. did you have afp and nuchal testing? You can scan for this with relative accuracy and based on the results decide whether to do an amnio. there are two things you need to do. get you and your husband tested (genetics) to make sure youre both normal. if you are, you should know its just a random event, extreeeeemely unlikely to repeat.

 

kiza - June 12

Yes Kee we did have the afp and the nuchal. All tests came back good. Hubby and I are both fine and it was just one of those things that happenes. Amnio wouldn't have shown anything up either b/c it wasn't chromosonal as they first thought. We have been told it is highly unlikely to happen again, which is fine but we were also told the same thing after my daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks. So even though the two problems weren't connected it just makes you really think about what could happen next time.

 

rachelD. - June 12

Kiza, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been through 2 losses myself, a son at 18wks and in March a daughter at 20wks. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I know the only way I survived was not taking my eyes off God. Oh I felt like He abbandoned me for a while, and I could have stayed in bed forever. But eventually the days get a little easier. I know you already know how much it hurts. And I can't tell you it won't hurt even worse. I'm not asking this to sound stupid, but is Trisomy 13 something a baby can definately not survive? I was diagnosed with MTHFR mutation, which is cla__sified as a clotting disorder.Although, the main problem with MTHFR is you don't metabolize folic acid properly, which causes several problems, including clots. I can't give you answers, but I am proof that you will survive no matter how tough it is. I will be praying for you.

 

rachelD. - June 12

Kiza, I'm sorry. I posted my last message before i read the other ladies posts. Now I feel really stupid. I will still pray for you and your family. We also have 3 other children and it is hard for them. The nurses dressed our little girl in a pink flannel gown and made her a bracelet with her name(Emma Grace). They also did a whole pack of pictures for us-the same kind you get after a live birth. We have a momento box for both lost babies (our son Ethan Warren). At Emma's service, we let off 20 pink balloons and 1 blue to remember Ethan. The kids really liked that. And when their birthdays come around we wil always do something special with just our kids. Again, I'm sorry for posting the first time without reading everything.

 

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