Up Date To Kiza S Story

4 Replies
kiza - May 13

Hello everyone, for those of you that hadn't read my previous posts, I had a genetic termination on Monday, as our baby boy was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 at our 20 week ultrasound. We had been told our son was not going to be compatible with life and he wouldn't even make it to term. So after much soul searching we decided to go ahead and be induced at 21 weeks. It was the hardest decision of our lives. But the experts kept saying there was no chance of survival. So after what seemed an eternity in labour ( actually 11 hours ) I finally gave birth to our precious little son ( Noah ). He was beautiful and the only visible defect was a tiny cleft lip. He was perfect in every other way weighing in at 370 grams. My tiny little boy was alive and that little baby hung on for 8 hours before he finally passed away in my arms. I feel so lucky to have been able to spend that time with him, but I also feel so guilty that he tried his hardest to stay with us and I couldn't help him. The Drs can't explain to us why he lived for so long. And all that keeps reeling around in my head is that perhaps they were wrong to begin with and I've made the worst mistake of my life. We still have a couple of weeks left to wait before we get any conclusive results as to whether or not it was tri 13, we are having his funeral on Tuesday and I am so longing to hold him again, I'm so scared that when the time comes I'm not going to be able to say goodbye cause this time it's forever. I went to the shops today and I had to come home cause I was just so angry that life was just going on as normal for everyone else, but mine is in bits and pieces that are never going to fit properly again. So the very best wishes and luck to all you wonderful people out there and take care of yourselves, and hopefully I'll be back one day with a happier story.xxxxx

 

Kristin72 - May 13

Dear Kiza, Your follow -up story is so heart felt. As hard as this has been for you and your family..I just hope you can be at peace with yourself over little baby Noah..I feel so sad that not only did you have to deliver your baby but that he lived in your arms for 8 hours until he finally pa__sed. You are a special person and for one reason or another you were dealt this trying hand..but I can just see what a wonderful human being you are with so much love for you baby Noah. I have to say this is one of the most challenging things a women will ever have to go through..and as I recall you have had to go through this before..May God give you the strength to find peace and I wish you all the best during your healing process...I am so sorry..please except my condolences. Kristin

 

mcatherine - May 13

Oh, Kiza - I know I will never be able to find the right words to tell you how truly sorry I am for you and your family. I thought of you all day on Monday, but I could never imagine the extent of the pain you must have been feeling holding your dear boy while he tried so hard to stay with you. Sometimes gifts need no explanation and I truly believe that's what you were given for 8 short hours. Noah is a beautiful name and I have no doubt he was a beautiful, perfect little boy. It is obvious from your words that you are a strong woman, but please remember that you are allowed to hurt and that you allowed to be angry at those of us that are living a "normal" day while you are left in pieces. May Tuesday find you in peace. I am so sorry for your loss. - Catheirne

 

marranie - May 14

Sorry you had to go through this. Personally i would have made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. Although i am very much in the over 40 age category i had decided not to do invasive testing for downs, at 19 week u/s there was some question regarding trisomy 18 due to cysts on brain of baby and my age. I went for a second high tech u/s and made my decision before having this that if indeed my baby had trisomy 18 (which like trisomy 13 is not compatable with life, or at the most a short life of suffering) i would terminate the pregnancy, i was not going to carry a child to term and put not only the baby and myself but my family and especially my children through the trauma. I hope you do come back with a happier story, and do NOT feel guilty, i am definately agains abortion in general but also VERY much against bringing a little baby into the world that will suffer horribly for maybe days or weeks with tubes hanging off him or her and no hope of recovery. I was fortunate in that my second scan was all clear and baby is fine, but i would have made the same decision as you had the baby tri 13 or tri 18. Take care and don't waste another moment on guilt or self doubt.

 

CaliTrish - May 14

Kiza, you must *believe* that you made the right decision. Given the information you were told, you did what was best for you and your baby. No regrets. Several years ago, my mother had a stroke after being in the hospital for 4 months from complications from an auto accident and ended up on life support. The doctors told us she was brain dead and would never come back to us, that the machines were the only thing keeping her alive. After a very difficult family decision, we decided to pull the plug. She continued "living" for 3 days. I believe we were given those 3 days to say goodbye. And I want to believe that she is in a better place, a place with no pain. May you and your partner find love and comfort in each other and those around you. When the time is right, you will be back.

 

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