Anyone Had Tubal Ligation Sadness

9 Replies
sahmof3 - July 4

I have three kids: Nathan, 6, Leah 2 1/2 and Justin will be 1 on Friday. I had a c-section with Justin and had my tubes tied during it. I was 100% sure I did not want anymore kids. Three's my limit physically, mentally and financially. I am still certain of this, but struggling with such sadness. I guess many of you have just had a first baby or are still planning future children, but if anyone reading this is done having kids, maybe you can answer this... Could I be grieving in some way, like grieving the end of a stage of life? Up until now I've always been eager to be ahead of where I was... when I was preteen I wanted to be a teen, when I was a teen I wanted to be in college, when I was there I was looking forward to marriage and babies, etc. Now I find myself longing to go back in time. Maybe it's a being-in-your-30's thing? Maybe it's mild depression? Maybe, as I said before it's grief?? Any thoughts, I'd appreciate it... Tammy


miami_loca - July 5

Tammy---im 35, and just had a beautiful son on 3-23-06, and i have a 12 yr old daughter as well. Im not planning on having any more kids either, but i also feel the feeling you are describing. I cry at every milestone my son reaches because i know i wont see it again. I think its exactly what you said, a greiving of a stage of life pa__sed. I never thought i would feel this way either. So, youre not alone. Just do what im doing and enjoy every single minute of every day with your sweeties. Take Care!


sahmof3 - July 5

Miami_loca, Thanks. It's nice to know someone else is going through this, that I'm not crazy! no one ever told me about feeling this way, so I'm surprised. I mean it's really hectic and insane with three preschoolers at home, so I just thought I'd feel relieved at the prospect of no more infants!! I'm 31 (almost 32) and I guess this is all coming at a time when I'm also (just a little) mourning my 20's. I feel young for my age, but I will never actually be YOUNG young again!! Guess, I'll have to try to be wise now lol.


momofthree - July 5

Hey Sahmof3, I am so glad I read your post. I am feeling EXACTLY the same way. I didnt get a tubal, but I just had my 3rd baby 2 weeks ago, knowing this is probably our last. Every once in a while I cry thinking about that was my last time--my last pregnancy, last delivery....for some reason it just breaks my heart. And I figured out after talking with my husband that it is about moving on and leaving the "childbearing years". I'm 34 and have had the best 5 years having my 3 kids. It seems so sad that I won't go through it again, although I know it's okay...and i'm so blessed to have 3 beautiful children. But yes, You put it perfectly when you said "greiving the end of a stage of life." that sums up how I feel. Some of my friends have said "well you can have more" but I dont think that would change it--I think if I had another baby I would still have the sadness after that one....Does that make sense? I'm sure we're okay, we'll be fine we just need to focus on our beautiful children and embrace the next stage of life. Who knows, maybe this stage will be even better......Thanks for your post, it made me feel like i'm not alone. ...Lisa


sahmof3 - July 6

Thanks for writing. It really is nice to talk to other women experiencing this. Yes, maybe this stage will be better. One great thing will be the diaper-free stage- I do know that:)


maryl14 - January 6

i am 26 y/o and just had my 3rd child on dec 31st i had a tubal done the next day now just 5 days later i feel exactly what you are saying i want to hodl on to my little man with everyting i can and i think it is grief knowing we wont see this miracle happen again for us but i know i dont want anymore this little guy makes a total of 4 children me and hubby are raising and we know our limits


djh - January 6

sahmof3, I too had the same wistful melancholy you describe after my 4th and final baby via c-section. I had my tubes tied at his birth for health reasons (c-sections destroying my body inside) and the fact that just being in the same room with DH caused me to get pregnant. I took time with him, my last, at 2 am, 5 am, whenever and burned his babyhood into my memory as best I could with 4 under 4 LOL. I agree 100% that it is about entering a new life phase. That is so hard for those of us who truly enjoyed our childbearing stage. I have friends who have grandchildren and they have all said that you do get to relive that then! My one friend said that when she held her first grandchild it was like all the hormones came rushing back...that the same rush of overwhelming love she had felt with her daughter was there with her grandchild. That is so comforting isn't it? In fact, my friends agree, that grandparenting is actually much more fun, all the love, less responsibility. So do not despair, apparently THAT phase is just as fantastic!!!


lenae - January 9

This is my third baby and while I am in the hospital I am getting my tubes tied. 3 is my limit for the same reasons, but I am already sad over the fact that this is it. No more new little ones. No more "first" milestones and toothless grins. I'm 24 and I know 3 is enough but I feel like when I hit 30 something that I am going to want a baby so badly and won't be able to have another. But at least I won't be alone. I guess now we have to look forward to spoiling grandbabies lol. I can't believe I am lookin forward to grandbabies, my oldest is only 5.


andrea2 - January 22

Hi I had a c-section and tubal 11 weeks ago. I have three beautiful kids. Two girls and 1 boy. I feel the same way but I know 3 is plenty!! I have a question How long after your tubal and c-section did you get your first period?? I stopped b___stfeeding at 4 weeks and I still have not gotten my period.


sahmof3 - January 22

Andrea2... I got my period back 10 months pp after that c-section and tubal. I was still b___stfeeding, though.



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