I M Going Crazy Since I Had My Baby

2 Replies
Dalinkwent - May 19

I had a healthy, wonderful baby girl. She is 5 months old now. I know I have PPD, and I have finally sought help. The appointment I got with my provider is not until June 23, though, and I really feel like I need help sooner than that. The baby really works me up. She is not colicky, but she is very high maintenance. Unlike my son, when he was small, he was easy to care for. I could easily lay a soft pallet on the floor and give him toys to play with at this age while I did something for myself for a few. Not with this one though. The moment I leave the room, she goes nuts. I can't even pee without hearing her wail like someone is killing her. Then the moment I peek around the corner, she is happy and smiles at me. I love her so much, and I would never hurt her. I can't get a break because she prefers me to my husband even though I know he has more patience with her that I do and he goes out of his way to soothe her. She just wants me all her waking hours. I know she loves me so much, but it's so tiring. I also have a 5 year old boy that needs me too. I can never go out and play soccer with him until my husband comes in from work because the baby fusses if I am not within her sights. Somedays are better than others, but when I'm having a bad day...I have a REALLY bad day. Like, I'll put her in her crib on her mat and go on the porch and just have a long hard yell into the sky. Or, I will stamp my feet on the grass and break cheap china in rage on the carport. My neighbors think I'm crazy, but it's a safe release and it makes me feel better. I'm afraid to be on medication, but at this point, I will try anything to feel normal again. My baby girl is so smart and healthy, I wouldn't trade her for the world, I just feel too overwhelmed. Being a military spouse is making things worse, too. Home is always all on me because my husbands 1SG is a p___k who has no life and they often have to work longer hours than necessary. I was in the Army before, so it helps my perspective of what he is going through, but it doesn't make my life any less demanding. My 5 year old helps me out SO much, though when he comes home from school. I feel bad for asking him to play with sister so mommy can just have a cup of tea sometimes though. But I feel like I am going mad. She is such a hard baby to care for. I wish this was easier. I don't know what to do. Is anyone out there going through this? OR has anyone been here before? I'm not ashamed of my feelings. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm not enjoying my baby right now. Somedays I even wish I never had her, especially when I notice I cannot spend as much time with my oldest as I would like to. I feel like he is being neglected due to such a needy baby. This is madness. I've never seen a baby like her before. I'm going insane. I forget everything because all she does is whine and I have to drop what I am trying to do togo fetch her. Somedays I just want to vanish into thin air, leave the baby on my neighbors doorstep and runaway. I have no one I really trust enough to sit for me, and all my family is far away in other states. I feel like a bad mother, but at least I'm being honest. Thank you for reading my vent, and hearing me, and if anyone else feels like this, you are not alone. I understand. It's so hard, and it makes me mad that people are so judgemental of others hardships. I'm trying to help myself. I'm human and imperfect, and at least I acknowledge that.


JEN - May 19

Hey sweetie- first of all take a long deep breath and TRY to relax a bit. You are definately on the right path to helping yourself by acknowledging/discussing your feelings and making an appointment with your doctor, but I think June 23 is WAY too long to wait. You need to call your doctor and explain to them how you are feeling and demand to get in by next week. Also, I know that you said you would rather not take medications, but they can work wonders ( as they did for me). I was put on prozac and noticed a huge change in about a week. Also, it sounds like you don't have any time for yourself, so remember that as long as your baby is fed, changed and otherwise taken care of don't be afraid to put her down and let her cry for a few minutes. Also, do you have a snuggli that you can wear your baby in? It might be a last resort, but if she has to be near you all the time, at least you could get a few things done without her crying. I'm not sure what else to suggest, but talking to your doctor will make you feel so much better. You are not alone, and you are NOT a bad mother!!!!!!! You should also post on the infant care site (if you haven't already). There are some wonderfully supportive people over there to talk to.


ConfuseD - May 22

Personally, I don't think you needs meds (though your doctor should be the one to decide, officially, if you do), just a few deep breaths, and to mentally step back from the situation. Don't get me wrong, when you're in the thick of it, it seems like it'll never end, but it will...sooner than you realize, as time pa__ses much too fast and children grow up much too quickly. If it helps, some of what you wrote reminded me of when my first two (of my first four) children were younger. Unlike your son and your daughter, my first four children are roughly 2 years apart in age (some a little closer, some slightly farther apart). I also didn't have any family around to help, and to make matters worse, my former husband walked out on us, but I survived, and you will, too. In addition, I just became a mother again with my fifth child (second marriage). There's basically a generational age gap this time, though, as my first four children are adults (with the exception of the youngest being a few months short of adulthood). Anyway, try thinking of this the next time your daughter cries and needs you...she's doing so because she loves you DEARLY. Talk about ego strokes! Right now, you're basically her world. Where else would you be thought of so highly? Try to savor the VIP treatment, as with each day, she's getting closer to the day she'll be more independent. This is only a phase; literally keep reminding yourself of that, when you're feeling super stressed. By the way, your daughter sounds very similar to my oldest daughter who was also "colicky" as a baby. (Oddly enough, we learned when she was 13, that she has colitis.) My first child (my oldest son), much like yours sounds, was also an "easy" baby. I can recall noticing the difference, but as time goes on, you'll see the pluses and minuses of both of their temperaments. If all works well, their personalities can compliment each other, and I'd stronly recommend letting your son know that his sister "missed" him during his school day and loves it when he plays with her. It helps encourage a bond, which is good, and something I've always strived for with my own children (including with the latest addition). Aside from that, you might try, as JEN so wisely suggested, carrying your daughter in a Snugli pouch (I love those things!). Your daughter sounds like a very tactile baby, and that would help keep her happy. I've found with my fifth child (who just turned 3 mos. old), that he, too, loves a lot of touch (so do I, so it works well). But, trust me, what you're experiencing is a very brief phase in your daughter's life. As crazy as it may sound, chances are good that you'll, most likely, wish you could do it all over again someday. Best of luck, and hang in there!!!



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?