Postpartum OCD

162 Replies
ilovemybelle - April 12

I'm scared to get on Zoloft. I don’t have intrusive thoughts about harming my baby, who is now 3 months. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 3 years ago. And now that I've done research, I think he forgot to mention that I'm also OCD. My mom has always said "Stop obsessing" "You're obsessing again" "Don't be so obsessive" Etc etc. And I thought I was having PPD, so I went onto a message board and they said it sounds to my like your experiencing OCD, not PPD. And that's when it all clicked, that MAYBE I've been OCD all along. So I did lots of online research and found myself to have SOOO many characteristics and beliefs of someone who is OCD. But then the question was, why is it just NOW seriously, SERIOUSLY bothering me? Finally I found this post. What I am having SO much trouble getting out of my thoughts is.. SIDS. I hate to even talk about it or mention it. I hate to think about it, but obviously, can't stop. I am up till 4 or later every night worrying about putting her down for bed. Every little thing I do I wonder, could this be the REAL cause? I mean the cause of it is unknown. Who knows what it is. Maybe it has something to do with their immune system, since pacifiers & b___stfeeding seem to reduce the risk of IT. You know, try as you may to clean the suckers(pacifiers), you don’t clean them every time, therefore, the babies who suck on them are getting exposed to more germs. And as for b___stfeeding, it strengthens their immune systems. Then there's the whole "lower socioeconomic families" are more susceptible to it, or it at least occurs more often in these households. So should I stop buying the Wal-Mart brand wipes? Should I put on a new sheet before putting her in bed? What about using the apartment complex Laundromat? Perhaps that’s the cause! No way will I even dare think of buying generic baby soap. What about WIC? Maybe the food provided by them, the brands at least, are contributors? I know that last one is crazy, but the thought has crossed my mind.. countless times. But I am under 20 years old. I smoked the first.. month maybe 2, of my pregnancy. I was exposed to second hand smoke till I was 12 wks pregnant. We(fiancé & I) are NOT rich. My family used to have money, but with this economy, they’ve all hit rock bottom as well. She was born at 37 wks, oh- another thing that I have just RECENTLY begun thinking. IT occurs more commonly in preemies, what if the medicine they give to stop contractions is a contributor? At 25 weeks I had to have a couple shots of it! !! I just thought of something!! What if its TAP WATER? Maybe people with low incomes, maybe not all of them, drink filtered water! Then I'd been in the clear! Anyways, I have quite a few increasing risk factors. Ever since I read that in my What To Expect The First Year book, I've been going crazy. What if I'm not crazy? What if it's my motherly instinct? These and many other thoughts concerning the subject cross my mind a million times a day. Then, when I go out, I cant help but envision a car crashing into us while driving down the road. Anybody could just lose control or simply not be paying attention. Or what if i lose control? And then when I finally get to the destination, what if there's a shooting or a bomb or a robbery? Anyone with a gun or knife could come up to me in the parking lot and say "Give me the baby or I'll hurt you/her/him/both of you." I still sit in the back with her as long as my fiancé is driving. I can't leave her with anyone, family members, my mom, my fiancé, my YOUNG nana, because I start imagining almost every bad thing that could be happening to her. I know its crazy too, and at the same time, I cant truly convince myself that it really is insane to be thinking this way. The thoughts are still there. Constantly. And then the other day I read that the babies of the.. IT... they have more serotonin receptors.. so now I'm afraid to go see a dr and get prescribed Zoloft because what if that will, I know it doesn't really even get into the b___st milk, but still, what if it does just slightly and it alters her serotonin levels as it will do mine and then what if that causes.... I just want some advice, does this sound like OCD Like PPOCD? Has anyone else experienced this? It's NOT normal? ....Right?


m_sweetgurl - April 12

YEs i suffer from PPDOCD and yes i think you do too. its more common than talked about sadly but true. if you need someone to talk to you can email me if i can get it to ya..wont let me on here. also heres my yahoo id m_sweetgurl and i have plenty of advice..lets just say i got so bad i had to get shock treatments to the brain!!!! yea that bad anyways i can help ya out and make ya feel like its gonna be norm now and have been for a lil bit but i suffered and was hospitalized in my pregnancy for suicidal thoughts and harming myself and others but than later when i had her it turned to me bein paranoid someone was gonna take her or harm her.


truexanadu - April 12

sounds like Postpartum OCD to me, as well. A lot of obgyns and midwives don't know much about PPOCD. In fact, I was misdiagnosed with postpartum psychosis. Fortunately, one of the midwives I went to had a psychiatrist husband and as she described the symptoms to him, he immediately realized what it was--postpartum ocd. The weird thing about it is that I never really had any ocd before--I only started getting obsessive compulsive thoughts after giving birth (it happened with both of my pregnancies). Fortunately it went away both times in just a few months. Good luck, and know that you're not alone in this. You're a good person, and having these irrational thoughts won't last forever.


Muir - April 12

I'm sorry I can't reply in more detail now but what you are experiencing sounds like PPD/OCD. My symptoms were slightly different but what we have in common is intrusive thoughts- thoughts that you don't want to have, are slightly or very irrational, and probably won't go away without help. I'm not saying you have to try Zoloft but it helped me with smoothing out my anxiety and reducing the intrusive thoughts and I started on a low dose and still am not taking much. Talk to your doctor if he/she is someone you will help you- if not, try to find a new doctor. Go to postpartumdepression.yuku with a .com on the end or just look up postpartumdepression + yuku on Google. The wonderful women on this forum with help you a LOT in giving you someone to talk to and letting you know you are not alone. All of the women have gone through or are going through PPD in some form and will also give you tips on handling the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. If you want to talk to me on there my id is cesquin.


jojomac - April 13

You will feel so much better if you talk to a doctor that can give you the right medication. I was on Well Butrin for 6 months, and it helped alot. I gave my daughter formula instead of b___stmilk because I didn't want her to have the medication in her system. She will be turning a year on Friday - and she did just fine on formula - she is such a happy baby - she even took 5 steps the other day. So, don't worry about using formula if you decide to get medication. I've been somewhat okay after being off the medication for 6 months - I still get paranoid when driving, but I don't worry about SIDS anymore. My PMS symtoms are really bad, and I get really irritable. I've talked to my doctor and she told me to go back on prenatal vitamins and take extra vitamin B when PMSing. It helps some months. She said if it didn't work then she'd put me back on antidepressants. I'm gonna try one more month and then go back if it doesn't get better. Don't be afraid to ask for help.


Cherubhugs - November 1

I know this is a really old post, but I was so glad to find it. Ever since I brought my daughter home from the NICU I would get this terrible thoughts. I went to the ER because I was so scared and they wanted to put me in the Psych ward. I know I am not crazy. I am not having delusions or hallucination just these terrible, terrible thoughts. The doctor put me on Prozac and I have been on it for 3 days. It has helped by letting me get out of bed again and get dressed. This is my first baby and I have never had OCD before and was wondering does it go away? Is this just related to the hormones? I hope the medicaiton kicks in soon.


karmiemis - November 1

You will be okay. Medication and cognitive behavioral therapy are what helped me get through it. is an awesome site. There are many women with postpartum ocd on there. It will get better. Hang in there.


m_sweetgurl - November 1

i got through mine slowly still dealing with some parts of it but ALOT Of its gone like the wanting to hurt my baby and yada yada. i'll b real honest with you if you wanna ask me any ?;s. i went through perinatal psychosis too. no good. so ive been through it all and back and can answer any ?;s you may have or want to yahoo me at m_sweetgurl


Cherubhugs - November 1

Thanks for the response. Its nice to know that I am not crazy as the doctor in the ER thought I was. I keep thinking maybe I should of just gone to the psych ward. I feel crazy! How long does it take for the medication to kick in with this? I am on 20 mg of prozac and so far nothing. I feel like the anxiety is worse on the medication. My daughter is not even here with me right now and I am still having the scary thoughts. I just wonder if life will ever be the same again. I tried to go to but came up with nothing? I even googled it.


m_sweetgurl - November 1

Hey its called PPDOCD or google PPOCD and its a real disease. im on 5 meds for it ...ask your doc for luvox 50 mg and it will take the scary thoughts away and ask for 3 mg of klonopine too and that helps for the anxiety. Its a scary thing to go through and i had to get shock treatments and everything because it was so bad! i dont recommend the shock treatments because i have bad bad memory lose from it. pls feel free to message me anytime it takes with the RIGHT meds and therapy about a yr to fully go away and for just feeling better it takes about 3 months or so. ....everyones diff but the meds sure pls ask for those specific meds and i promise they will subside and you will function again. Blessings to you and your fam Michelle


m_sweetgurl - November 1

Hey I forgot to tell you Yes this is related to the hormones and that YES it goes away i takes a lot of work but it does. im so sorry to hear another person suffer the way i did man its bad. i know. its gonna be ok though and when you get bad thoughts of hurting her just lay her down and walk away for a breather and then resume...not that you will hurt her but breathing resets your body and reacts as a mechanism. ok wanted to throw all that in there talk to you soon i hope Blessings


momwwithhope - November 3

Cherubhugs, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think that postpartum ocd is definitely hormonally related (also stress and life changes are factors, too). Just remember that OCD goes after whatever is most important to you. These scary thoughts are the opposite of your true nature, and that is why they are so upsetting. Also, keep in mind that researchers have found that odd or scary thoughts occur in most people on occa__sion. Other people can dismiss and forget about them easily, but people w/ OCD get so frightened and that fear keeps the thoughts going. There is a book called "The Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety Workbook" and it may help you. I hope you are feeling better soon. Recovering from postpartum ocd is a gradual process. If after some time you still feel that your medication isn't helping, talk to your doctor about changing medications. What meds work for one person may not work for another. Hang in there and keep posting to let us know how you're doing.


m_sweetgurl - November 3

To clear things up i am no longer going through post partum my readings is out there for moms like me that had it or have it. things everyone and i hope my testimony helps you :) Blessings Michelle


Cherubhugs - November 3

Thanks for the book suggestion. I had to go off the Prozac today because i started shaking vigorously, ma__sive headache (felt like my brain was coming through my head), major pressure in my eye area, starting vomiting, diaarhea, nosebleed. This happened me when i was on Lexapro for anxiety a couple years ago only it was worse. This is what scares me. If my body cant seem to take the drugs what am I supposed to do. I read somewhere that Postpartum OCD will eventually go away on its own but I am not sure if that is true or not. I feel horrible today because of this drug and hoping tomorrow will be better. Just try to live day to day I guess.


m_sweetgurl - November 3

Hey im here anytime ....i hope your well i said im on luvox, klonopine, abilify and keppra and i havent had any side effects and i am allergic to almost every med out their so im def one to understand that :) yes one day at a time is what i did and still do lol. hehe. but anyways i wish you well and message me anytime k. im here for you anytime :) Blessings Hugs


m_sweetgurl - November 5

im online almost all day everyday on yahoo m_sweetgurl



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