2nd M C How In The World Do You EVER Ttc Again

5 Replies
snickelfritz - February 24

Those who have had recurrent m/c's: How did you cope enough to try again? Right now, I am terrified of getting pg again because I can't handle the thought of another m/c. How did you get past that fear?


Kara H. - February 24

I had a doctor tell me once that when the desire to have a baby is greater than the fear of losing a pregnancy, then you are ready to try again. Unfortunately there is no easy way around grief, disappointment and fear. You just have to go thru it. Its ugly and painful, but neccesary. I have lost three pregnancies and I am currently 15 weeks pregnant. I don't think you ever emotionally engage again like you do with the first pregnancy. It's just an natural defense mechinism. But you work thru it. Give yourself time. You will know when you are ready. We took 6 months off after the third m/c to regroup. I had personally decided that this fourth attempt may be my last. I felt emotionally drained. But when I did get pregnant again, before each doctor appointment I prepared myself for there to be no hearbeat. I even brought the paper work for the reproductive pathology lab I wanted to use to my 12wk apppointment since I was convienced that the baby would be dead and I would be getting a d/c that day. (d/c is the best option when you are wanting testing done on the baby). But the baby was fine. I rented a doppler and that has been a great help to me. Whenever that doubt starts coming back and I am just sure something bad has happened, I get my doppler and listen to my babies heartbeat and it soothes my aching heart. I can't promise you will have a baby someday, but if you want badly to be a mother, you will be. It just may not happen the way you had intially wanted it too. During our six month break, we researched adoption. Once I was armed witht knowledge that one way or another I would be a mother, it helped me let go of the fear. We feel strongly enough about adoption now, we may still adopt even if we do have our own biological children. So take some time to heal, then re-evaluated your feelings. You will know whats right for you.


Susan K - February 24

I have had 2 miscarriages in a row and we are in the stage of trying again. If I do become pregnant, I will be very happy but will have the scared feeling in the back of my mind. I will pray to God that it doesn't happen again. It is very hard to be pregnant again and not to be worried. Hopefully, it won't happen to me again. I hope it doesn't happen to you again.


Kim L - February 24

Hi Snickel: My heart goes out to you, I know how you feel. I have had two miscarriages in the last 9 months and I'm now 8 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I think Kara is giving you some good advice. There is no easy way around it, and I think based on what we have gone through there will always be fear and anxiety present at a level that doesn't necessarily accompany women who've had nothing but blissful, perfect pregnancies. Give yourself time. I felt ready to try again right away after the 2nd loss, and I'm glad we got pregnant again so quickly. But if it were to happen to us again, I think I would need more time. It is different for every woman and every pregnancy. I don't know that the fear ever goes away, but I can tell you that I've found hope in each new life I've carried, and it helps keep me going. I pray for the best and prepare for the worst always. But I think the beginning is the toughest, and over time in your next pregnancy the more things continue to go well, the better it gets. Hang in there. xxoo


catt - February 24

hi snickel, I too have just had my 2nd m/c...I want so much to concieve again, even through I am very very scared. I honestly don't know how I would handle a third m/c. But we have to try, because it will happen for us.


SuzieQ - February 25

Hi snickelfritz, I guess I'm agreeing with all the women who have already written. I've had two m/c's in the past year and I am 8w6d along right now. I'm stressed about this one, but I also know there's absolutely totally nothing I can do to make sure i have a healthy baby. I have absolutely no control over what happens. We decided to ttc again a few months after our second loss. We both want children, and we didn't want to wait too long. It's hard, but it was also very good to know that we were trying to conceive - I remember thinking "Hey, at least we're trying.." and that we were able to try! I'm still in my 20's, I have great health, and the odds are with us to have a healthy pregnancy this time. If I miscarry again, then at least I know I've done everything in my power to have a healthy pregnancy. Anyways, take care and best wishes



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