For Those Who Have A Boyfriend That Doesnt Understand

3 Replies
tonilee7 - June 15

I have made this thread for women who have partners that dont understand why you feel the way you do during or after a loss this is my story::::I just found out yesterday that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 3 days, i am surposed to be 7 weeks 5 days, and they couldnt find a heart beat so my baby has been declared dead, i have not miscarried yet but am expecting it any time, if i dont I have to have a d/c, i spent all day yesterday after the ultra sound crying, but i was expecting hubby to come come and rap his arms around me and atleast try and understand and make me feel better but i got the opposite alls he could say was: theres nothing you can do about it.....and that was it no "I'm sorry" or any words of sympathy he has just gone on as per normal, leaving me to cope all by myself, i dont think I would be as bad if I had actually miscarried already but knowing there is a lifeless baby in side of me makes me feel so dreadful, i just wish he would try to understand and be a bit sympathetic.....am i the only one that had a hubby like this or are there other women out there that have been left to deal with this alone?..........

 

Jennifer28 - June 15

Tonilee7- You are not alone. Believe me, you have come to the right place. There are a lot of women on this site that have experienced the great loss of a m/c and will be here for you when you need to talk or cry. I can tell you from experience this forum was more help to me than my family or friends could ever have been - b/c every woman here has experienced the pain you are experiencing right now... I am so sorry for your loss and I hope with time you will begin to heal. My husband was a trooper during and after my m/c. I do sometimes still get very sad and he does try to comfort me to some extent, but he doesn't and cannot truly understand the loss I felt - even though it was his baby, too. Is your husband the type of guy that doesn't deal well w/ emotions? This could be the reason he doesn't seem sympathetic to you. Have you looked into some type of support group in your area? Talking w/ other women that have experienced this type of loss will be of most comfort to you. Please do not feel alone because you are not!!

 

BIG RED - June 15

Tonilee7 - Hey there I just joined. I cried when I read your story it was so much like mine. I have the same problem my fiance went back to work right after we left the Dr.'s office after they told us our baby had no heart beat and no color flow. The only thing he did do was held me at the Dr.'s office but I think he just did that so he wouldn't look so bad in front of the Dr. He has a very hard time espressing emotion when he gets scared or anything he will just go and work on his race car. To make things even worse on 5/18/06 he went and got a vesectomy with out telling me. I know how you feel I am so sorry you are going through this but it does get better. We lost our baby in April. I went to the Dr. 4/14/06 and I should have been about 10 weeks the baby only grew to 8 weeks 6days. I choose to wait on the D&C too that was the most horrible feeling going to bed every day thinking about it constantly knowing my lifeless baby was still in my tummy. Then the waiting game felt like it would never be over. My m/c actully happened in the Dr.'s parking lot 4/21/06 going in to have the d&c done. I am still bleeding from it my Dr. said it could last 6 months. It is just a daily reminder. But every day it has gotten a little easier to come to terms with facts. I am so glad you made this thread I was begining to think I was the only one feeling so alone like no on understood.

 

DownbutnotOUT - June 19

Tonilee I am sorry for your loss and your story made me cry for it reminded me so much of my own. I had a u/s done and was supopse to be 11 weeks 1 day and the baby stoppped growing at 6 weeks 6 days and no heartbeat, they told me the baby had been dead for several weeks. I felt so sick knowing my baby was dead an still inside me but I was lucky enough for the baby to ocme out naturally about4 days after. My DH was the same way he just said acted like nothing happened no tears nothing, a few days later when I broke down I asked him why he didnt care and he started to cry and told me he had to be strong for me! Maybe DH is trying to put on a brave face for you and is moarning quietly. Take care and once again I am sorry, you are in my prayers. XoX

 

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