Am I Going Crazy -pg119084400375

6 Replies
lostlove - September 26

Hello everyone. I know most of us are here for the same reason. I know I just feel like I have nowhere to turn and no one to relate to. Let me first say that back in May, I got married and while on my honeymoon, my dad was killed in a motorcycle accident. A month later, I found out I was pregnant. Even though it was not expected.....I was so happy. It has been my saving grace for coping with the death of my dad. When I was 10 weeks, I had my first u/s and got to see the precious baby kicking and punching as well as the heartbeat. 3 Weeks later, I had a little brown spotting at work. I freaked. I told my Dr. I wouldn't feel right until I knew everything was o.k. She went ahead and sent me for another u/s that day only to find out there was no heartbeat. I am devastated. I waited a week or so to see if I could pass it naturally and never had any bleeding or cramping. I decided to go ahead with the d & c. The d & c was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I am so emotional. Sometimes I truly feel like I am going to loose my mind and other times I feel strong. I cry at the drop of a hat and weird things affect me emotionally. I feel so sorry and guilty to cry all the time to my husband. I can't wait to be pregnant again and want to try a.s.a.p. I am concerned about my emotions though. How long will they be this way and are they normal? A lot of people are telling me I need to see a counselor b/c I have experienced so much loss in such a short time. I just don't know what to do. I feel like the only thing that is going to make me happy again is to be pregnant again. This was my 1st pregnancy. Also, I wasn't sure about my bleeding after the d & c. I bled a little for a day or two then stoped for around 5 days and then all of a sudden, there was a lot of clotted blood which lasted for 5 days. It was really strange. I am not bleeding anymore but may have a little brown discharge after I urinate. Is what I am experiencing normal?????


PreciousBaby19 - September 26

No your not going crazy. How old are you? Its normal to feel so confused and down right after such tremendous losses. I have had two miscarriages and I know what its like to want to fill the hole you think you lost. You just have to talk to your husband about it. Does he want to have a baby again. Or try for another? You have to ask youself...are you doing it because you are upset about the loss of your other child? Or do you really want to be a mother? Because this new child will never replace the one you lost. That hurt will always remain. But in time. It will get better. I'm sure there was a reason for why this happened. We may not know what it is, but the heart wouldn't just stop on its own. there has to be a reason. I would love to talk about anything you like.


emtcutie1028 - September 26

I am so sorry to hear of your lost. Its true... none of us want to be on this board...I remember when I was preg I would stop over and peek in this board and I would be so thankful I was preg and healthy. I lost my son almost 6 weeks ago at 22 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Its the hardest thing anyone can go through. I still have my days where I cry and get depressed and I dont want to deal with anything. If you think you need a counselor then by all means go for it, but only time will heal a broken heart. I know exactly what you mean by wanting to try again right away. I have to wait 3 months then I can try again. As far as the period goes im still waiting for mine to come back...I think it might be here today though which would be great! Did your doc say what happened?? When can you try again??


lostlove - September 27

Thanks so much for responding to me. It is comforting to hear words from people that have gone through losing a baby. I just had my 27th birthday in July. I am most definately ready to be a mother. I have had the desire for a while, but just figured we would wait a little bit. Now since I have actually had life inside of me, I want to be a mommy so bad that it kills me. I miss my belly. I had already gotten a little belly and got used to rubbing it all the time. I know it was all due to the "pregnancy bloat" and my uterus getting bigger.....but still.....It was a belly! It hurts to look in the mirror now and not see it. My husband feels the same way I do about getting pregnant immediately. We both want a baby so bad. My doc didn't really have a reason why. I guess I am your typical miscarriage that we will never know the exact reason for. Doc told me that she wanted me to wait 4 weeks from my d & c to have s_x and after my first normal cycle to try again. EMTCUTIE1028- I am sorry to hear that you lost your baby at 22 wks. I can't imagine being further along then what I was and losing a baby. My prayers go out to you. Why do you have to wait 3 months? PRECIOUSBABY19- Did you have two m/c in a row? That worries me. I am scared almost b/c I don't want to go through this disappointment and hurt all over again.....but then again, I can't give up! How was if for you the 2nd time? Harder? Have you conceived yet? Again, Thanks for your replies. I am speaking with a counselor today....just to see what they have to say. My work set it up for me and thought it would be good for me just to try. Also, is it just me or does everything in the world and on t.v. relate to babies or being pregnant. It seems like everywhere I look and every time I turn on the is always about babies!!!!! That really triggers my emotions.


aturner - September 27

I'm so sorry for your loss and know what you're going through. I was also 10 weeks along and noticed brown spotting one day. I went in for an ultrasound and it showed the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks and there was never a heartbeat, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. I was devastated. I have cried almost everyday until this past Monday. I finally feel hope again and can't wait to try again. I, like you, am terrified of another miscarriage. My doctor told me to wait 6 weeks before having s_x again so I plan on waiting at least that long as I don't want to get pregnant before my body is healed from the D&C. Just know that it does get easier as time goes by. I'll be thinking of you.


emtcutie1028 - September 27

He said to get a few cycles in to tell the due date. We can try in November. I agree with you wanting a baby hurts. Its a cruel game thats played on us. I have never been so jealous of another pregnant woman in my life! it makes me sick! I am going to get a new OB next month hopefully and also have a high risk OB watching me very closely.


Tory1980 - September 27

Speaking to a councillor is a personal decision for you however everythnig you are feeling at the minute is normal. After losing your father it seems only right that you looked towards the future with your baby - like a gift almost, from him. I had the same thing - a silent miscarriage at 14w4d and the only symptom was two instances on wiping (sorry if TMI) of brown spotting a week apart and this was after two u/s showing a bouncing baby with a heartbeat. I was devasted. That was my second miscarriage. I have three children, the first came at 34weeks, the second at term. My third pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6weeks and I fell pregnant straight away with my fourth baby. I carried him to 37weeks when I was induced due to cholestasis and then the second miscarriage. Doctors can't tell me any reason as to why I lost the babies. All I know from the testing done on the last one was that it was a little girl (all the others are boys) but my Doctor put it is easy terms for me. He said that at each stage in the development of the baby there is pieces of information needed at different times - ie when they grow ears, fingernails, open eyes etc and for some reason when this information was requested it wasn't there so the baby couldn't go past that stage and died. A piece of the puzzle was missing and it couldn't be completed. It kind of makes sense but doesn't stop the grief. I dont think the bleeding you are having is normal and could be a sign of infection or retained tissue (even with a D&C it's possible not everything was able to be taken out). Your best bet is to get checked again just in case as this could stop your cycles returning to normal or cause more problems in trying to conceive. I am 27 and pregnant again and the grief is still there. The worry is also there that something can still go wrong. Being emotional at this time is normal - to be honest if you weren't upset I would find that more worrying. I still have days now that a smell or something someone says brings back the times I miscarried. I still have days now where I could cry and my last miscarriage was in January. It gets easier, really it does but make sure you are ready to carry another pregnancy before trying again. You will probably find that all will be well and you will have a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby but until you are ready for a pregnancy you will find it even more stressful than expected. I write on another thread (also with Precious above) called the Cleanslate. They are a wonderful group so if you are feeling a little lost come over and say hello. Belive me they are very welcoming and they helped me more than I thought anyone could when I lost the baby. Take care sweetheart.



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