Can Guilt Kill

4 Replies
Angelina - October 24

I really dont know what to say. I want to know how other ladies in my position felt when they got pregnant again. I had my son on Oct 4, just a few weeks ago and he was dead. His embilical cord was wrapped around his neck 2 times, wrapped around his arm once and tied in a knot. It happened like a day before i gave birth.I want another child and i want to conseive the next one kind of in the same month. I want to know if the guilt is going to eat me alive. I hate myself because i feel like im trying to replace him by having another one even if its going to be years before the next child. I feel like im going to be taking a risk by getting pregnant because what are the odds of it happening again? Am i losing my mind? Will it get any better? How do i deal with something like this?I want to blame everyone for this. Especially my fiance's mom because she did nothin but stress me and talk bad about me and my child. Is it normal to want to just separate myself from everyone? Would it help if i got a counsoler?I have so many questions.


Laurie - October 24

Angelina - I am so sorry for your loss. You must be feeling so many things. I usually just read this board, but your note has compelled me to write too. I had an early miscarriage, and have no children. I had my miscarriage in August and just found out I am pregnant again. I know it sounds really good and exciting, but I must say fear, not guilt, is what I am feeling. Feeling like we can't go through this again - what will go wrong now....waiting for the other shoe to drop I guess. I also played the blame-game, but mostly with myself. I didn't know of anyone personally who had gone through this when I miscarried, so I withdrew and felt alone. Finally, I just vented to my sister-in-law - and it was great just to get it out. So, I do know that finding someone to talk to will help. I also had a thought...Everything has its purpose. Your son taught you how to love in a way that you never have before. And that love is big enough to sustain another child. I know you will be a great mother, and wish you ALL good things.


Angelina - October 24

I just feel so crazy.I want to yell at all the pregnany women i hear complaining about how they with it would hurry up and be over. I want to tell them how lucky they are. When i was in the hospital my mother in law had the audacity to tell me " well you can always have another one." HOW COULD SHE BE SO INSENSITIVE?!?HOW COULD SHE THINK THAT HAVING ANOTHER ONE WILL REPLACE THE ONE LOVE AND WANTED SO BAD?!? I cant sleep at night because i see his face. I keep hearing those words" hes dead" over and over.


Sara - October 24

Angelina-I am so sorry to hear about your terrible loss.I just miscarried this morning and it was so hard on me that I couldn't even imagine the pain you must be going through.I think before you trying having another baby first your body need time to heal and you emotionally need time to grieve.I'm afraid that if you get pg right away and if your body is not healed enough you might have problems with that pregnancy(but I am not a dr).Also,if you don't greive you will be an emotional wreck and you do not want that being pregnant.I know the pain will never go away but you need to be emotionally stable before you get pregnant again.I think a counselor might be able to let you know how to greive.(Not to forget your lil angel but be able to take care of you emotionally). There are lots of supportive,great women here that really care about you and are very helpful.(I am one of them) Just know that you have someone that is here for you! Best wishes and my thoughts and prayers are with you! Sara


lilu - October 24

Angelina... I felt the same as you. And stoll do sometimes. You're not crazy, it's just part of the grieving process. I lost my daughter Sophia on 8/10 and I gave birth to her on 8/11/05. I had a healthy pregnancy and just didn't feel her move all morning so i called the dr. and no heartbeat? What goes thru my head everytime I think about it is "just pray I'm wrong" the nurse said as they rushed me to the hospital to get an ultrasound. "Just pray I'm wrong" The cause is unknown. The dr. said she was a healthy baby. So I'm trying to look at it positively and think that my next baby will be healthy but it's hard sometimes. We just got the go ahead to ttc. I feel as if lately I grieve for her more since we're trying. But I think it's not a feeling of replacing her but it's a feeling that I miss her. Nothing will ever replace her. I just am ready to be a mother. I hope this helped. You're not going crazy, your just a mommie who misses her little boy. Baby dust to you!



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