Depressed One Twin Survived

3 Replies
Skyfeather - May 17

I just had my baby last month but I keep wondering what it would be like to have her brother and I feel slightly depressed. I was pregnant with twins but lost one in the very beginning of my pregnancy. I know beyound a doubt that the baby I lost was a little boy but there's no way to prove it medically. My hubby and I had been surprised with the pregnancy but accepted it and were excited. Then a week later I started bleeding and the er took blood tests and did an ultra sound. My levels showed I was furthur along but the ultrasound showed what they thought was an underdeveloped speck. With those two together they said it was a misscarriage. I was devestated, I went home that night and a few days later my levels still tested as pregnant and an ultrasound showed that same speck but it was more developed. A few more tests later the DR's said I had been carrying twins but had lost one. I had to live with that the entire pregnancy and now still. I love my new baby girl but miss her brother that will never be. I see so many twins now that I had her. I feel like I let her down by not being able to keep her brother alive inside of me. I feel like I let her father down also. It makes me scared about the next time I get pregnant (were waiting 3-5 years) what if I become pregnant with twins again? Will both make it? In my family theres a pattern. Every other other generation has multiple twins. Which would be me. My hubbys family has a high rate of twins also. In my family the last one to have twins had 4 sets of twins. The one before that had 3 sets. I almost dont want to chance it again but I do want more children but am scared of failing again. Anyone else have this fear?

 

Mellissa - May 17

I too was pregnant with twins. But infortunately I lost both of them at 7 weeks. In the beginning I was told one would make it, but the other would not...I was sad but accepted it. All I could think was how happy I would be if the other one was healthy and happy. Then a few days later at a follow up appt I was told i had lost both and eventually I had to have a D&C done. I am not saying your aren't right to feel sad about the baby you lost... but please know that you are so so so lucky to have that one. And don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. I read about exactly what you are describing and most experts call it "vanishing twin syndrome". Believe it or not, almost 1/4 of pregnancies start out as twins but one "vanishes". What you can do is let your daughter know that she did have a twin, and you loved him just as much as you love her. But unfortunately he was taken away from your and it was beyond your control. Cherish the baby you have and all the time you have with her. You will always see your son in your daughter's eyes...and you may feel closer to her because of it later on. You can still love the baby you lost too. I know I love both of mine very much.

 

randi - May 18

I can say that I relate to Mellissa, I have had a miscarriage, but it was not twiins. However, my sister was carrying twins and though she was heartbroken when one of them died, she is elated to have her healthy, beautiful baby girl. Not to diminish your loss, but try hard to appreciate your daughter, she is a gift. I have also read the statistics that one in four or five begin as twins, but then one "vanishes." Before modern technology, you would might not have even known you had twins. Again, enjoy your baby, she is a blessing.

 

Laura - May 19

I am sorry for the loss of your little boy. I want you to know that your lossing your son was not your fault. You have to find a way to make peace with that. My advice to you is find a way to honor the loss of your son. I bought a willow tree figure of an angel holding a baby. I look at that and think of my daughter that I loss. My hope for you is that you make peace with the loss of your son so you can fully love your daughter. I think it would be hard in your curc_mstance because people don't recogniza the pain you feel because you did have your daughter. As for future children there are no guarentees, but you did nothing wrong to lose your son so maybe next time there will be no loss.

 

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