Feeling Alone And Depressed

19 Replies
Rebecca - May 9

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I am 28yrs old. After many years of thinking I could not conceive, my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. My mom had actually been the one to tell me that I was pregnant, not believing her because I was on the pill I took a test and low and behold it was positive. That was the best day in my life!! I told my boyfriend right away and suprisingly he was so happy and excited. I of course made a dr's appointment to confirm. The dr. confirmed the pregnancy and said I was about 6wks along. About 2wks later we decided to get married before the baby was born...december 18th was the date we set. The first time the dr listened for the heart beat was great, it was where it needed to be and sounded healthy. The second time they had a hard time finding it...that was so frightening but finally they found it and told me that that happened often especially when they started moving around. So about two weeks later which put me at almost 5months my fiance and I went in for the ultrasound (the first picture of our baby...the happiest day) and when the lady doing the ultrasound said well I have some really bad news. There is alot of swelling around the brain and heart of your baby. Then she went to get the dr. What seemed like forever the dr finally came into the room and explained that this was one of the worst ultrasounds he had seen in all his time praticing as a physician. It was devastating! We went to the specialists to get a second opinion, but unfortunatly it was the same outcome. He had several physical deformities and down syndrome. The dr's told us that they did not think he was going to make it much longer and suggested we terminate the pregnancy. I was torn apart! I did not want to bring a child into the world like this, but I wanted my baby. In the end we decided to take the advise of the dr's. I had to admit myself into the hospital, go thru labor and actually give birth to my still born son. We did get to see him and hold him and give him a proper burial. This all happening 14 days before our wedding. We had our concerns but we decided to go thru with the wedding I thought this is exactly what i need right now. All of my friends and family around on what is supposed to be the other most happy day in your life. It did end up turning out great! My baby should be here now. And I am finding I having a harder time with all this now then I did when it was happening. Is this normal? Mothers day is coming up and I should be celebrating this for the first time! I am very sad and angry that I am noticing my moods changing constently. I have put on several pounds in the last month that I am not sure where it is coming from. Nothing in my life has changed other then my emotional state. We are trying again to have a baby. Actually for about the past two months now we have been trying and so far with no success. Everytime I get my period I just sit and cry. My husband was there for me when it happened, but he does not feel the way I feel about this. He did not carry our child and bond and feel him. What do I do?? I do not want to be angry. Are all these feelings I am having normal? Should I be worried if I do not get pregnant again right away?? I feel as if everyone I know is tired of seeing me depressed and hearing about my loss...I just need someone to ealk to. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

support4you - May 9

Hello Rebecca, how are you?? i am really sorry about your lost. :-( yes all the feeling you are having are normal. everything is going to be alright. I am here for you. I know going through a lost is hard. if you ever need anything feel free to email me at [email protected] I am always in your heart and mind. Good luck. You will be okay.

 

crisy - May 9

Hi Rebecca. What you wnt through is very hard. I am very sorry for your loss.I had a miscarriage at 7 wks. and I was torn to pieces. I can only imagine the pain you went through. It's totally normal to feel this way. The bond a mother has with her baby is very intense. I had my miscarriage 2 wks ago and I feel very empty and lost. It feels as if a piece of me died. Time will help to heal your wounds but what you went through will stay in your mind. I pray to God that you will get pregnant again with a healthy baby. My thoughts are with you.

 

rebecca - May 9

Thank you both for your responses. It feels good to know that I am not alone when things as bad as this happens. Not that any of us should be here, but I have a loving family and I just don't know know where else to turn. They just do not know how I am feeling and I know it is not there fault. thanks again!

 

support4you - May 9

rebecca remember feel free to email me about anything. like if you need to vent or cry. I am there for you.

 

aa - May 9

hi rebecca, first of all i am very sorry for your loss. i've also had a miscarraige this year. it's almost been 4 months now, but im still grieving. you've had it espcially hard because you had such heart breaking news. i went for a US and found out that my baby had died two weeks before the scan at 10 weeks. they also suspected the baby had downs syndrome (but there could not tell for sure)....but you've been though far worse then i have. all i can say is God is with you in this difficult time. it's only natural all the feelings that you are experiencing anger, jelously, resentment, frustration...all i can say is from experience the wounds will heal ... you are still young and know that you can conceive and have another baby. i wish you all the best !!

 

rebecca - May 11

To aa: thanks for your support! Talking to people on here and reading other stories of what other woman have been thru have really helped me. Unfortunately there has been some negatvity on here as well. I loved my baby more then anything in this entire world...I have never wanted anything so badly! I was put in a place where I had to make a decision and I choice the one that I felt was right for my baby and I both. If someone out there does not agree with me then that is fine I really do not need support or comments for you. I did not come on here to hear that...I came on here to get help with the greiving process from other woman who have went thru what I have. Is there another website that would more useful to me seeing as how my husband and I did make the final decision on our baby's life??? I am not referring to any of you that have answered me on this original question.....I am however referring to other questions and answers that I have read. Please let me know.....no one's loss to me is any worse or better than another's...at least that is how I feel.

 

j - May 11

Rebecca, i am so sorry to hear your loss, i had a miscarriage 17 days ago. i was 11 week and i went for a dating scan when i was told my baby died at 9 weeks. i was totally devastated and i can understand how you feel, and i wanted to tell you that i agree with yours and your husbands decision. Dont even listen to any one who has the cheek to tell you that you made the wrong decision, you were faced with the most hardest ever possible decision to make and you made the decision for all the right reasons. I totally feel for you and your husband and i want to wish you both all the luck in the world on becoming wonderful parents one day every soon (i hope). all the best girl. just keep smiling :-)

 

Pennie - May 11

Hi Rebecca, I lost my 1st baby at 22 weeks. I know how hard it is. Its been 2 years this Jan. and fo the most part I can now talk about it and look at the memory box the hospital made me w/o crying. I hope you do become pregnat again b/c I know the hole you've got and nothing does fill. I new baby doesn't replace the one you lost but it helps to heal. And it will feel better when you know you can have healthy child. I blamed myself for a long time and still do- I hope you do not do the same. I'm glad to hear you still got married, going through this and making is one of the hardest things a relasenship can go through and be proud that you too have made it : ) Did your doctor ever give a reason to why this all happend? I hope the best and pray for you to find peace and be blessed w/a new baby!

 

rebecca - May 11

Hi Pennie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad to hear that time does heal a little. I realize nothing can replace my 1st baby and that is definitely not what I am trying to do. Have you had a baby since your loss? To answer your question...the Dr's could not tell me why this happened. Alex had one too many of chromosome 21 (i think that is the #). As for everything else wrong with him they had no clue, which really is upsetting. As much as I want to have another baby and as much as the Dr's tell me there is little to no chance that this would happen again, I am so scared! I don't think I could handle this again. Do you happen to know if this kind of thing happens twice (downs)? I am just glad that I got to see and hold my baby boy, even though I think that made it harder. Some of the closure that came, came because I got to give him a proper burial. What caused your loss?

 

Pennie - May 11

I am pregnant right now w/#3 ( I had a miscarrage at 5 wks 3 months after losing my 1st baby). My loss was caused by an incompetent cervix- so this time they will have to sew me shut. I will only be between 9 and 10 wks on Monday. They are doing an ultra sound to see if it is a "good" pregnancy. I am scared out of my mind b/c I can't imagine having the strength to go through all this again. My baby was born still born too- they let me hold him- I was scared to because being only 22 weeks I wasn't sure how he'd look- but it is amazing how perfect and tiny they are at 22 wks. He was even growing hair on his head. The hospital I delivered at was very kind. They took photo and they made plaster casts of his little feet. I found and still find the most peace in the fact that I was able to have a priest on site to come in a baptis him. I'm not incrediably religious but I made me feel more safe for him. I would say it took a good year to not to cry at the thought of him. And it is hard b/c people don't understand how much you can love your baby when its that young. No one but you got to feel him move either and it was your body you shared w/him. I can tell you one thing I did get sick of hearing was that " Everything happens for a reason" and now I look back and the man I was with would not have been the right man to be the father of my children and be in my life (we broke up about a year afterwards- but there was a lot of garbage). I miss my first baby and still celebrate his b-day and I know mother's Day was hard- but Happy Mother's Day, because you are and will always be your baby's mom and you did take care of him the very best you could. Have you found a new OB-GYN yet? I found a new one who was more into high-risk pregnancy's. I had a genetic defect also that causes my blood to clot easier than most- so here in WisconsinI was refered to the Meriter Clinic and brought into touch w/perinatal doctors. I would say for your next pregnancy or even before find a perinatal clinic. As for the Dows- I think since you are only in your 20's your risk of a reoccurence is very low. Are we so lucky to be the 1 in a 1000 ; ) I would have rather have had that luck in the lottery or something positive. I do know that if this baby is a boy he will have his brother's name as his middle name as a way to honor and remember my lost angle : )

 

rebecca - May 12

Pennie, Congratulations!! I am praying for you that everything is going to be great! I also was afraid of what he was going to look like especially with all the swelling, but he was in fact my beautiful baby! Yes the hospital was very nice where I went to. They gave me a duplicate of what Alex was buried in, an album with pics, all the info we had on him and footprints. My Gyno and specialists that I had were wonderful! I will be going back to them. They are actually the best around here (Ohio) that I know of. I defintely know what you mean about being sick and tired of "everything happens for a reason" or "well at least now you know you can get pregnant" But I know they mean well. Happy late Mothers Day to you too. Yes I will definetly take all the precautions for high-risk when I am blessed with another child.

 

Pennie - May 12

Rebecca, I'm glad you have great doctors. I was not fond of my doctors I had the 1st time, so this time I am a little wary of the doctors I have and if they are doing all the can for me and my baby. Are you and your husband going to try again? I hope you do- it does help- even though there is the fear involved it still is a great feeling. I know what you meant in your original message about crying when you'd get your period.

 

Rebecca - May 12

Pennie, Yes actually we are trying now...well not right now but you know what I mean...haha. He thinks the reason we haven't gotten pg again yet is because I am thinking too much about it. He says as soon as I say ok it will happen when it happens and really mean it...it will happen. But it is kind of hard, I don't think I have wanted anything more in my life. I just keep thinking the older I get the more likely this might happen again. I hope you like your Dr's better this time. That is really important to be able to feel comfortable and be able to talk to them. That is one of the good things about my Dr....he takes his time with his patients, he doesn't make you feel rushed like most Dr's tend to do. Good Luck I wish you nothing but the best!!

 

Happy Mommy - May 12

Rebecca, I just wanted to tell you that I KNOW for a fact that your precious baby is in Heaven now. He/she is not in pain. Rest in knowing the baby is in the best place of all, with his/her Creator!

 

aa - May 12

hi rebeccca, hope that you are doing much better now. i don't know of any other sites sorry. how are you doing now?

 

Rebecca - May 12

To aa, I am actually doing a lot better since I have been able to talk with other woman who have been thru this awful experience. Thanks for your concerns. How about you are you feeling ok?

 

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