First Loss

52 Replies
larsoe - November 6

Hello, my husband and I decided to try for our first baby so I went off the pill, updated all my medical records, started taking prenatal vitamins, and after the wait time my doctor recommended started to try. We got pregnant on the first try and were very excited! However at 5 weeks I had a miscarriage. At first all I wanted to do was be pregnant again immediately which made me realize I wasn’t healing. I was feeling better but have started to backslide. I think this may be because I still haven’t gotten my period and the miscarriage happened almost 6 weeks ago. Now I just keep waiting for it. Has anyone else had this happen? My doctor said I should get my period in 4 weeks and I thought maybe she said that because I lost the pregnancy early. It just keeps reminding me that I am that much farther away from being able to try again.

 

Tory1980 - November 6

I am sorry you have lost your little one. Have you taken another pregnancy test? It is very possible to fall pregnant again straight after a miscarriage (I have an 18month old to prove it!) and this is one thing that could be ruled out. I was told after both of my miscarriages (one at 6weeks one at 14w4d) that my period should show 4-6weeks after. If it didn't to do a pregnancy test and whether positive or negative to go and see my Doctor again. Good luck with TTC and may it be a sticky one for you next time!

 

larsoe - November 6

Thank you for the answer. I did think of that and took a test (which was negative) and my husband and I have been very careful so I don't think I am pregnant. It sounds like you had two miscarriages before your baby? That would be very hard to deal with. I'm sorry to hear about that. By the way what is TTC?

 

april baby - November 6

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that TTC means trying to conceive. I am sorry for your loss and good luck~

 

Tory1980 - November 6

As April baby said TTC is trying to conceive. I actually have three children (5, 3 and 18months) and have had a miscarriage before my third and one after it (I am currently pregnant again 30w5d). They are one of the cruelest things women have to go through and I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy. I would suggest with the negative HPT to go back to the Doctor and discuss options - they can wait or they can give you medication to start your period again. A lot depends on you and how you are feeling. I hope that it simply was 'bad luck' (I hate that saying!!!) with the little one you lost and that when you do fall pregnant again you will have a healthy pregnancy and baby to show for the heartache you have experienced this time. Expect the grief to come and go - there is still days I get upset and cry about the baby I lost in January and this pregnancy has been filled with panic that the same thing could happen again. First it was for me to get to 6 weeks (but I had a bleed then) as that was when I lost the first one and then it was to get to 15 weeks and all being well but even then I never completley relaxed. Be prepared for a + to look like one of the most frightening things you have seen as much as you want it! Good luck sweetheart.

 

larsoe - November 6

I think one of the worst things about this experience is that I will never feel the same joy I did about being pregnant. Of course I will be happy but I know I will carry around this feeling of dread the whole time. It's sad that with all the advances in medicine that this still has to happen to so many women.

 

Tory1980 - November 6

I also post on the CleanSlate thread here and we often say the innocence is gone after a miscarriage - even for those that have ahd children before you can't get over the miscarriage over-hanging the pregnancy. The pure excitement and joy of having a positive after trying is marked because tragedy has come before it. If you want to bounce over you will be more than welcome. We are all in various stages of trying, pregnant, losing babies etc but they are amazing women and helped me no end as they could honestly tell me they knew what it feels like. No one does unless they go through it themselves as much as they try to they can't comprehend it. Medicine has come a huge way but what scares me is although a miscarriage will continue to occur again and again they still can't tell you why. Sometimes all you want is an answer rather than an 'oh well' or 'bad luck'.

 

larsoe - November 6

Thanks Tory. Question for you, there aren't any bad effects from taking pre-natels for awhile are there? I took them for 3 months before getting pregant and having stopped after the mc because my doc told me that it is best to take it in the few months before getting pregnant. I have just been on them since July though.

 

hope-31 - November 6

sorry to hear about your m/c. i m/c in april right after my wedding. it really does suck. we pretty much started ttc asap. no luck yet. just started clomid. it seems like all i hear about now is people being pregnant and its so hard. good luck. lots of baby dust to you.

 

larsoe - November 7

Thanks for the luck hope-31. I agree, it seems like everyone I know is pregnant. One of my friends wasn't trying at all (she was actually on the pill) and I can't really be around her because we had talked about how we were going to be pregnant together and I was the one who did all the planning and tried to do everything right and I'm the one who had a m/c. I know it isn't fair of me but that is how I feel so it's just easier not to see her as much these days. Sometimes the world seems so unfair. My friend who also had an m/c said right after hers she saw a woman who was very pregnant and was smoking and drinking and it just made her want to throw up. Anyway good luck to you hope-31. BTW in my last response I meant to say I haven't stopped taking the pre-natals and have been on them since July.

 

Tory1980 - November 7

Hi larsoe. There is no side effects to the prenatals so don't worry about that. This is the only rpegnancy I have taken them before falling pregnant but I was on them before the miscarriage and then just carried on taking them. I get the 'everyone is pregnant' thing. After my miscarriage everywhere I looked was a heavily pregnant woman or a newborn. It was like a kick in the stomach everytime I left the house. I hated them all and wished them death and then at the same time felt so guilty because who is to say they haven't been through the same thing? Talk about being mixed upI I then heard women complaining about being fat and uncomfortable, or the timing was wrong, or the pregnancy was un-planned and I wanted to yell at them to wise up and see the pregnancy for the gift it is! Even now I am still pee'ed off when I hear someone complaining that they are pregnant and I know women who have tried for years to get pregnant and go month after month getting their period and no answers or miscarrying time after time. It makes me sick to know so many people who deserve kids find it so difficult to have them and there is others who blink, fall pregnant and then resent the pregnancy and baby. Life can be very unfair.

 

jstaley1228 - November 7

Hi, ladies. Larsoe...I can relate to just about everything you have said. I had a D&C at the end of September. My doc discovered a blighted ovum at 9 weeks. I found out I was pregnant on my birthday while visiting my best friend in Texas. She had found a she was pregnant a few weeks before me. Our due dates were two weeks a part. Shortly after she moved back home to Denver. We were so excited to have our first babies together. Then I lost mine. We work together so I see her everday and I am supposed to be happy that she moved home and that she is pregnant and on and on and so forth but boy... I just want to hate her. I see her bump grow a little more every day and it kills me. I have been having a very difficult time getting over this as well. I have been testing positive for pregnancy since my D&C, not good. I may need another D&C this week. I FINALLY got my period yesterday so I was hoping this was the sign that I was no longer testing pregnant but my doc said only the blood work will tell and that is due back today. If it is still high I'll have to go back for D&C #2. That scares me to death. (side note...I sat next to a pregnant girl in the waiting room who got up twice for a smoke break. I almost started a fight right there in the waiting room! What is wrong with those women!) Anyway...I just wanted you to know that I can relate to everything you have said and I am scared to say the only thing that could possibly shake me out of this funk right now would be to become pregnant again and I know that is not possible for a few months. This is so hard...hang in there and I hope you get your period soon! Took me almost 6 weeks. Never thought I'd be so happy to see AF (another abbrev. frequently used on this forum standing for "Aunt Flow"). Talk to you soon, Larsoe and keep your head up.

 

larsoe - November 7

Thanks for sharing your story jstaley1228. It really helps to hear about others experiences. I am at the 6 week mark right now and still no AF. I didn't have a D & C. I stopped bleeding on my own so my doctor said it wasn't necessary. I asked her how we could be sure there wasn't any pregnancy tissue left in there and she said my body would tell me with cramping and/or bleeding. I haven't had either of those but I just wonder where my AF is. Every little cramp I feel I keep hoping that it is a period cramp but it never is. I'm glad you finally got your period! Good luck with the blood work. Thats hard about your friend because you have to see her. I'm lucky I guess because my good friend doesn't live in my town so it's easy to just not visit for the time being. The only thing I can think of is maybe we are going to be stronger women than our friends that had normal pregnancies because of having to go through this. It was still the worse experience of my life though. Also thanks for the prenatal info Tory. I didn't think there was any reason to stop taking them but wanted to be sure. They just make me go to the bathroom more often!

 

sashasmama - November 7

Hi larsoe. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I remember being in the same position as you are right now...There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pregnant right away, everyone goes through that. I felt that after both of my miscarriages (both natural in the last 7 months). Only time will heal, I know it's hard, but it's true. Some women wait up to 9 weeks for AF to show up, so if it doesn't by then, your dr. can give you something to jump start it. It also might be stress, and I'm sure there is a lot of it right now, you could try to relax, go for a long walk and take a hot bath every night for a few days. I'm pregnant again, and I'm just seriously waiting for something bad to happen and cannot completely enjoy my pregnancy.

 

smmom2 - November 11

Tory..hello again...and Larsoe...to both of you. I completely know what you mean and are going through. My SIL is my dh's bro;s wife....she is very compet_tive with me and always has to do what I do. So when I found out I was pg, the first thing she said to me was that she was going to ttc Oct. 1st. So I had my missed mc on Oct 26th(actually that is date of DC) and that was on a friday. The following Thursday she called my DH and told him ( GUESS WHAT, I AM PREGNANT). It had not even been a week since the death of our baby and she was telling us this. It lso happened to be the first missed day of her af. SO in my opinion she could have had some compa__sion and waited a couple of weeks. SO now, everytime I am around her all she does is say how sick she is, how she is going to throw up and talks about it all the time. I just want to smack her and say, don't you ahve a heart!!!!! SO, atleast you are friends with the women that you know are pg, and that you love eachother and I am sure your friends would never try to rub it in that they are pg like my SIL. It breaks my heart to be around her at all....So I totally know what you mean. And sorry for your loss Larsoe....it truly is a hard hard thing!!!

 

Tory1980 - November 11

smmom2, no offence to your SIL but that was a b___hy thing to do. Yes be pleased for the pregnancy but it sounds more like she is trying to rub your nose in it! She could have waited a month or longer before telling you rather than straight away. The woman has no compa__sion at all! Sorry, vent over. I would have slapped her!

 

smmom2 - November 11

Tory...you said exactly how I feel....so I wanted to slap her. I have no said a single word to her at all...because I am scared I will go off on her. I feel the same way...she could have waited...even a couple weeks to announce to the family...and no offence taken..I can not stand the b___h. excuses the language....but there are no other words for her. I wish she would no longer be a part of this family....harsh I know....but it is how I feel. I do nt like wishing anything bad on anyone...but right now...Oh....and when I went to the dr. on Oct 24th and found the baby had no HB...she took it upon herself to call the rest of the family and tell them all what happened.( My husband tried calling them all, but she was the only one he reached as it was in the middle of a work day and she stays at home with her son.)So...to add insult to injury...I was p__sed about that because I felt the death of my little Alyssa was not a gossip session.....Sorry now I am venting !!!!!

 

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