Had A Miscarriage Dont Know How To Feel

5 Replies
AmandaF - November 28

This was my first pregnancy my boyfriend and I were both very excited! I miscarried 2 weeks ago, exactly 1 day before i would have been 15 weeks. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. As far as pain and emotions. Although i've been told by my Dr. its nothing that i did wrong or couldve done any diffrently, i still feel so guilty. I 'll be ok for a while, but as soon as i think im cheering up, anything that reminds of a baby i totally break down!! We definently wanna try again but im sooo terrified, i feel like if it were to happen again i wouldnt be able to handle it. Is this normal? Has anybody else gone through the same thing?


Jenz - November 28

Hi Amanda, I've just posted a thread very similar to yours, 'need help/advice, I'm currently 19 weeks and going to be induced on Saturday the consultants told me there is 0% chance of my baby surviving. I'm currently going through the guilty emotion you mentioned, I feel guilty for not be able to give my husband a baby and make his parent grand parents, I feel guily for something that should come so naturally to end like this, I also want to try again but I feel like I will be a nervous wreck convinced that something will go wrong again, but I think we have to believe that for some reason our pregnancies weren't meant to be but that doesn't mean we won't be blessed in the future, I cling to that hope.


androula - November 29

hi i am 23 and know exactly how you feel. i have had two missed miscarriages and seeing the devastation on my husbands face made me feel very guilty. you need to realize there is nothing you could have done to stop this from happening. nature decided what will be and what wont be. i felt the same as you emotions go hay wire they will settle down soon enough. you just got to keep trying.


Tory1980 - November 29

It is completely normal sweetheart and I am sorry you are having to go through it. I lost my baby in January at 14w4d - I didn't have a clue anything was wrong and it was my fifth pregnany (2nd M/C). Even now I have up's and down's and we debated for a while as to whether we would try again. I was absolutly petrified of trying and having the same thing happen, I tried to hide my head in the sand and pretend nothing had gone wrong. When we did start trying again I pretended we weren't really and I rememeber sitting on the toilet panicing at the thought of havig a positve pregnancy test and then crying when it was negative! Guilt is completely normal and I blamed myself for a long time for not knowing something was wrong, for not protecting the baby and then I got mad at my body for letting me down after it knew how to do it's job. It seemed like a kick in the teeth to see my other children running around perfectly healthy and to know for some reason this little one wasn't meant to be. We had tests done but the baby was perfect - no reason as to why the heart stopped and we were told it was a little girl - the cruelest thing someone said to me was 'You obviously aren't meant to carry girls. Maybe it was a girl you miscarried before.' (I lost a baby at 6weeks in 2005.) My other children are boys. I am currently pregnant again and I don't want to upset you as the last thing you want to hear or see at the minute is another pregnant woman. It took a long time in this pregnancy to relax and I am only beginning to do so now at 34weeks. For me my 'milestone' to get over was 16weeks. I didn't breathe until then and even when all was well I still paniced at every little ache or pain or when the m/s went. A pregnancy following a miscarriage is cruel and amazing at the same time. To have the gift of carrying another baby given to you is amazing and at the same time the innocence is also gone. You have lost the ability to simply enjoy the pregnancy as you know what could go wrong. It will be an emotional rollercoaster but one that is worth it in the end. Good luck to you and your boyfriend.


Mrs.Hath - November 29

Hi Amanda. I'm really sorry to hear about your tragic loss. Same to the rest of you. Tory, thanks for sharing your story. I am so happy that you are PG again. I had a D&C on 10/25, just one day shy of the magical second semester. After having a strong heart beat and two ultrasounds, I was living on cloud 9. I went in for the CVS test. Because me and DH saw the baby at the Dr the day before, I didn't take DH to the genetic office with me. I thought there was no need. To make a long story short, the dr came in and told me there was no point doing the CVS; my sweet little baby was horibly deformed with no chance of survival. I won't burden you with the details, but it was horrible. My D&C wasn't scheduled for 4 more days due to it having to be approved by the hospital. For 4 days I had to carry around this grotesque baby that I had already named and loved, but would never live. Not to mention, telling everyone that I couldn't have the baby. I am so empty and sad. I got the genetic test results back and there were no chromosome abnormalites at all. Not sure how those conditions could have occured. It concluded with: spontanous occurance. It also said it was a little boy. Knowing the gender makes me even more attached. I decided to wait until AF comes and then try on the next cycle. It's been 5 weeks to the day and AF is not here yet. I bought ovulation strips and PG tests in anticipation (BTW, super cheap at early-pregnancy-tests web site). Anyway, I am definitely consumed with wanting to be PG again. Lots of baby dust to you all. I hope we all live happily ever after. I would kill for morning sickness, fat ankles or anything......... What is everyone's "strategy" for trying again. I've heard so many things. The first time for me was just one lucky not- not even trying. Now that I am TTC, I don't really know of the best way to go about it. Should I just BD every other night?


Tory1980 - November 30

Mrs Hath, same thing happened to me. I had three scans all showing a healthy bouncing baby and the fourth showed no heartbeat. It was a huge shock as we a__sumed all was well. As for the TTC, you could try charting on something like Fertility Friend which requires you to take temp and look out for other signs of OV, you could try OPK's (ovulation prediction kits) although I have never used them or you could do like you suggested and try BD'ing every other day. After a pregnancy/miscarriage though it can sometimes take your body a while to get back to 'normal' so falling pregnant may not happen as quickly as it did before. Good luck!



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