How Can I Support My Grieving Friend

6 Replies
sally - January 3

A friend of mine has told me that she has just miscarried at 15 weeks I had not know she was pregnant prior to this. I have been there for her but I have not told her that I am now 11 weeks pregnant. I feel gulity for not telling her but also feel guilty for being pregnant and feeling happy about it. I know thats a rediculous statement but it true. What can i do?


littlecurious - January 3

i would say hold off a little while. just tell her b4 u start showing. when i miscarried my sister found out she was pregnant i hated her. but then at the same time u dont want to jeopardize your friendship thats why i said hold off for a little while. you wont upset her more but at the same time you arent hiding a secret from her.


Ashley - January 3

I just lost my baby and had a d&c on friday. I've just been happy to talk to someone who would just let me talk and not try to make me feel better because they can't but to just be there to listen. My friends and especially my family have been calling me like everyday just to be an ear in case I need to talk and to make sure I"m ok. Sometimes it bugs me because I just want to be left alone and stay depressed but deep down I really appreciate it and it means alot to know they are there for me. I'm just telling you about me hoping it will help you support your friend by hearing whats it's like on this side, but I would be happy to know if one of my friends were pregnant. I wouldn't feel bad because they were and I wasn't, I would hope the best for them. Maybe your friend feels the same as me. I was 11wks. HOpe this helps you and gives you some insight into how to be there for your friend. Don't feel bad that your pregnant. Embrace it and your friend will too. Good luck in your pregnancy.


Jen01 - January 3

Just don't give too many details. Answer her questions. At least thats what I wish my friend would do. Sometimes when I ask how the dr visit went I just want to hear the word great and everybody s healthy. No details, no I saw the hb and the baby doing this and that. TMI. Just my opinions!! I would definently want to know though!


Kate - January 4

I agree with Jen01. When I mc my best friend's sister was as far along as I was supposed to be. I asked how her ultrasound went (when mine had shown no heart beat) and she told me about the little arms and legs they saw. "TMI" Another close friend told me she was preg after I miscarried and I am fine with it. But she only shares what I ask. Also I would tell her if you have told alot of people. It would be better for her to find out from you than someone else.


Melissa - January 4

I had a miscarriage in October and my best friend was also pregnant at the time. She is due next month. It has been difficult to talk to her about her pregnancy, but at the same time, I would not want her to go through what I went through, so I am glad that her baby is doing fine. Luckily, when the miscarriage first happened, she didn't talk about her pregnancy and didn't complian about it or anything. She just didn't mention it too much, which I am grateful to have a friend like that. It's important to be sensitive (on both ends).


jessie - January 5

I found out I was having a miscarriage the same week my sister in law found out she was pregnant. I had a very hard time during her pregnancy because she drank in front of me. It made me feel like she was taking flaunting her successful pregnancy, look "i can even drink!" She wasn't getting drunk she would have a drink at a time(I think). I just would get so p__sed off when I would see her drinking. My husband said she is not doing it to hurt you. But I took it so personally. It was so hard. She gave birth dec 21 to a lovely little girl. I adore her, she is so beautiful. And every moment I see her I think that my baby would be one month older than her. The only other woman in my office has a 9 month old and is five months pregnant. Sometimes it is just too much... I just miss my baby.



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