How Do You Feel After Your Loss

42 Replies
jo - May 9

Hi i had a d&c 24/april, i would like to hear from you and found out how you are coing with your loss. i just feel empty and numb and im not sure how im meant to feel. my friends and family are trying to help but unless you have been through something like this you dont really know how people feel. I thought everything was ok with my pregnacy, i was 11 weeks and felt like all pregnant women felt. (sick, cravings, going to the loo all the time)Then on the 21 april i had my dating scan and thats when my world fell apart, i was told that the baby died at 9 weeks. I had a d&c on the 24 april because i couldnt face going through losing my baby the natural way. Its been 15 days since i had the operation and im still bleeding slightly, no pain in my stomach any more. If there is one good thing to come out of all this that would be that me and my partner are now so much more closer than we were before, i never thought that would be possible but it is. I would love to hear from any one who feels the way i do.

 

elyse - May 9

jo, it's been 8wks for me this week and i won't pretend it goes away because it never will you just kinda deal with each day at a time and i promise you time is a great heeler.We all on here know just what you feel right now you have had the shock of your baby had d/c, and hormones going crazy to. All i did was take one day at a time. Most of the time people around you don't know what to say for the fear of saying the wrong thing but it is the best thing to talk about what has happened and you will find many women around you who have been were you are now and are ready to talk and help you through this as well as all of us here. Take care.

 

jo - May 9

elyse, Thank you so much for your reply. im sorry you have been and are going through this too. It is such a shock to have your pregnacy end this way. i try to get on with life everyday and i do this by keeping myself busy. if you dont mind me asking what happened in your situation?

 

elyse - May 9

Jo, thanks for asking, this is my life i had my first boy at 17 years old and my second at 21. Then this year in jan 10yrs later i discovered i was preganant and i was shocked and suprised. I felt great at the beginning and was really looking forward to the baby as all the family were my d/h especially it was like starting all over again for us. I then began to feel really ill couldn't explain to any one the way i felt even my dr thought i was depressed so went with what he said and was given some blood pressure tablets as my blood pressure went high.( i now realise this was around the time the baby died) I then waited for my first scan 4 weeks later which i should have been easily ten weeks preg and it showed a sack only at 5weeks and told me it wasn't good news or bad! but they decided i had my dates wrong and asked me to return in two weeks for a follow up. By that night i had already began to loose dark coloured blood no pain i rang the midwife and doctors and was told it was implant bleed, as this normally happens at around 5/6 weeks as my scan date. At this point not knowing about m/c i was happy with that, 1 week went by still bleeding then another until the saturday after 1 1/2 weeks spotting and then came the pain. So my husband took me off to the hospital where i was discharged after a couple of hours to m/c at home. One hour later i was back at the hospital the bleed was so intense and so many clotts it really scared me (sorry). I was admitted that night as i lost so much and in my case in a follow up scan the next day i did'nt need a d/c as there wasn't much left in their words (chills). I then returned home and nobody could have prepared me for what emotions i was going to go through, i didn't want to face anyone couldn't talk without crying.I was a wreck! I then decided i would put all my energy into finding anwers why does this happen ? So i decided to look on the net for reasons for m/c and why my body had waited so long to m/c 7 weeks. I found that i had-had a blighted ovum where the baby stops growing at 5 weeks due to abnormalities and only a sack is seen and you loose all preg symptoms, loose weight without sickness and feel generally under the weather as i did.I did blame my self at the begining as all of us do but making myself do this research did help me reason with my self and i do know now i did nothing wrong it's just naatures way we have healthy babies.Take care jo, give it time and it will happen for you i promise. If you want to talk any more i am here.

 

crisy - May 9

Hi jo: I had a miscarriage on april 25th. I know exactly how you feel and I am so sorry for your loss. I was 7 and a half weeks pregnant. The doctor had put me on bed rest because I had cramping and spotting. When I lost the baby I started pa__sing a lot of clots. I went to the emergency and they made me wait in the waiting room for 3 hours. I lost the baby when I went to the bathroom. It was horrible! I feel your pain and just like you my world fell apart. My husband has been my shoulder to cry on. Yesterday I bought a rosebush and I planted it in memory of my baby. It was a way to help me through my grief. In this way I feel that my child was burried and now the baby is an angel in Heaven. Saying goodbye to your baby is the most difficult thing to do. Every person grieves differently and it's important that you take the time to heal your pain. I have days when all I want to do is cry but I pray to God and it helps me survive. I will pray for you and I hope that your heart will heal.

 

jo - May 16

Hi elyse & crisy thank you for your replys. Sorry its taken me a few days to reply. Ive read the last 2 posts and it makes me so sad, im sorry for your losses. People tell me things will get easier as time goes on but i just find that so hard to believe, i know time is a healer but for me time seems so far away. I resently had my 29th birthday and i didnt want to celebrate it felt so wrong. My partner wanted to go out for a meal so i went and i felt so guilty. i know thats probably wrong to feel that way but i cant help feel like that. What are you ladies doing about ttc again are you waiting for your first period or have you had your first period yet??

 

Elyse - May 16

Jo, i'm really not ready to try again quite yet not sure if i ever will be. Half of me is craving another baby really bad and the other half is reminding me of what we went through. I do understand those who do really want babies straight away but i prefer to wait a while and just get my head right first.Because i feel if i don't deal with it now it will arise in the future. I am off to councling on wed hope it helps me come to terms some how. I know you are feeling really sad and the guilt thing it's normal it's hard to enjoy anthing at the moment i still feel really empty there's seems to be pregnant women every where you luck and new born babies in prams but i know going straight in for another baby right now for me is not the answer. One of the girls i read on the site described what we are going through as sitting on the fence and watching some one else's life not ours i really agree with that and couldn't have put it any better my self. I have this last week really statred to come back to my old self a little but the cloud is still there i just talk about it to all my family when i feel the need i am really dreading wed as i know i going to be down after but i've got to keep looking forward as you have and one day you will be holding your little baby and your life will be complete.Take care.

 

Christina - May 16

Hi all, well i am sorry for all of your losses. I had a miscarriage on march 18, well actually that is the day i found out my baby died. I was 11 weeks and the baby died at 7.5 weeks. Like the rest of my my world was torn to pieces. At first my husband and i didn't want to believe it. When i had my D&C i felt even worse i felt like i killed my baby, and any hope that i may have had they took that away from me. It has been just about 2 months and for some days it gets easier then on other days all i do is cry and think about the baby that should be living in my stomach. It hurts as everyday pa__ses it urts just as much as the day before. I guess the only difference is that i can't wait to become pregnant again. I want, I need that void to be filled with what was mine in the first place. The hard part for me was getting my first af after the D&C, that really finalized it. It killed me to really know that i wasn't pregnant anymore, especially because it came after 6.5 weeks of d&c. Like i said i'm sorry for all of you, and i only hope that your pain will ease. Good luck to everyone!

 

jo - May 17

HI elyse, i hope it all goes well on wednesday. Please let me know how you get on and if it helps you in any way. Yesterday i wrote a letter to my baby, this may sound stupid to some people but in a way it helped me abit. I sat on my own and had a good cry and wrote down all i was feeling. Someone posted a song on here which is called "No Name" by george canyon. you should listen to it, i will warn you it will make you cry but the words mean so much. Take care Elyse and good luck for wed. Im thinking of you x Where are you from by the way

 

Elyse - May 17

Hi, Jo, i'm from wolverhampton, near birmingham in the uk. Thanks for well wishes where are you from? I have heard the song a few weeks back one of the ladies on the other site i visited showed us that and i found his web site and listened to it 's so touching..take care.

 

jo - May 17

Elyse, Im from hertfordshire, uk its about 30 miles from london. its nice to know someone on here from england everyone else seems to be from america. Let me know how tomorrow goes. best wishes thinking of you x

 

Julia - May 17

Hi, I feel the same. It has only been 1 week fo rme. I think I'm still in shock. My husband brought me a book Silent Sorrow last night and I read a bunch. It will help I think, made me cry a lot, but I don't think it's good either to always try to think of other things so you don't cry.

 

jo - May 17

Julia, Im sorry to hear your loss. its good to have a good cry, if it helps you to deal with your loss then if cant be that bad. I had my d&c 3 weeks and 2 days ago, i choose a d&c because i couldnt bear the thought of waiting for it to happen naturally. im finding things very hard to deal with. people will tell you things will get better as time goes by but im finding that hard to believe at the mo because things are so fresh im my mind. i dont ever want to forget my baby as im sure you dont. how far along was your pregnancy??

 

Julia - May 17

Thanks Jo. I was almost 12 weeks but they said the baby stopped developing about 7 weeks so it was very small. I only had a little spotting, no cramping or anything. I also had the D&C same day, it was a LONG horrible day. I only had a little spotting after, very little really, and I have felt fine physically. I was off work last week but came back to work yesterday. I just close my door and thankfully not many people have stopped to see me and nobody has asked where I was. I'm not sure who knows. It feels so devastating too as it took a long time to get PG and I was so excited that we finally had our new baby on the way. We have one wonderful son who was 3 in December....

 

Kim - May 17

Hi, I just miscarried on the 11th. I have a two year old and just expected everything to be easy and calm like she was. I was 7 weeks along. I was just starting to get excited about telling our families at 12 weeks and thinking about where we would put everything. I think the worst part is that all your hopes and excitement is gone and replaced with this feeling that you lost someone you really knew. I am sorry for all of you that have lost babies. I'm really glad that you all are here though. My husband has been amazing but he doesn't process the loss the same as I am. I don't feel quite so alone knowing that I'm not he only one feeling this way. Thank you.

 

Elyse - May 17

Hi jo, nice to know you are quite local, i'm really ready for tomorrow but still quite scared. talk after tomorrow.

 

Jenn - May 18

I m/c on 4/21 at 8 1/2 weeks and due to a pre-planned cruise that was paid for by someone else, my d/h and I have to wait at least 4 mos before ttc due to flying while pregnant. I want another baby and I am feeling so much guilt about waiting. I also find myself feeling guilty when I start to get too sad because I have a healthy 18 month old little boy and I have a brother and wife who are unable to even get pregnant and have been waiting over a year to adopt. So I am grateful for what I have but I am still very emotional and sad, however the worst is yet to come because there are 3 couples in the family that will be having their babies the same time we would have had ours, but I am taking comfort in knowing that I can try again.

 

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