How Should I Feel

5 Replies
em2007 - November 27

Hi ladies. In August of this year I had a m/c and it was heartbreaking for my husband and me. It was our first pregnancy and we couldn't have been more excited. We waited 2 mo to start trying and long story short it looks like we got pregnant right away. Right now I feel so torn -- I'm somewhat excited but more cautious because I know I shouldn't set my expectations so high. My husband feels the same way. I also feel kind of guilty that if I'm excited for this baby then it must mean I don't miss our first baby -- which I do. Is this normal? Am I being too self-absorbed? Thanks.

 

stefkay - November 27

I don't think there is anything wrong at all with feeling excited for this baby! You know how you feel about the baby that was lost and will never forget that and now you have to move forward. This new one needs your happiness and excitement--so think of it as nourishment for it's growth :) Congratulations!

 

kelley - November 27

em2007, first of all I am so sorry to hear about your loss and congratulations on the new pregnancy. Your story sounds much like mine only a year later. A year ago July we found out that we were pregnant with our 3rd only to find out that we had lost the baby the end of August... it was a devastating time, as all losses are. I then found out on Thanksgiving day last year that I was pregnant again. It was the same thing, I was ecstatic about the new pregnancy while at the same time cautious.... there was no longer the naive joy that came along with my previous pregnancies, just a lot of worrying. I also started to doubt how I felt about the child that I had lost, did I really love the child as much as I thought? Well with much soul searching and thought, even some meditation, I came to realize that I will never forget the child that God took back from us before we ever got to meet them, that baby will always be a part of at least my DH and I. I still cried on what would have been their due date and even with my newborn ds I cried the day that we lost our little one a year ago. So no... you are not being self absorbed and yes this is very normal, at least it is what I see as normal... it seems as though I went trough a very similar thing. I hope that this has been helpful and I wish you a very happy and healthy 9 months with this pregnancy.

 

larsoe - November 28

Hi em. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss but am glad you are pregnant again! My husband and I had a m/c with our first child in Sept. and havn't starting trying again. I don't think your feelings are abnormal at all. I feel this need to do something in remembrance for the baby we lost and had a dream shortly after it happened that I got a tattoo of an outline of an oval on my ankle. Since then I have felt like I would like to do that but my DH hates tattoos. I have never been a fan either but for some reason can't forget about this. I was only 6 weeks along so I think of the baby as more of an egg, probably why I dreamed about an oval. Anyway I dont' think any of our feelings are wrong during this time. We all deal with it the best we can.

 

em2007 - November 28

Thanks for sharing and my thoughts are with you as well. Kelley our story sounds so similar. Larsoe, I too wanted to do something in rememberence of the baby we lost and ended up planting a native tree - a hybrid Dogwood with large blooms. It should flower around the due date which will be nice too look at when I am sad.

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 28

Hey em2007, these ladies took all the words from my mouth hehe. What they said is excatly. I reccommend that you subscribe to spals (its free). it stands for subsequent pregnancy after a loss support and there are a bunch of wonderfully supportive women that you can vent to and who are or have gone through the same excat thing. It will be very helpful. Oh and this book called, pregnancy after a loss is great, its helped me a lot so far.

 

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