How To Deal With The Quot Why Quot

5 Replies
Alexis - April 9

I had a miscarraige on 4/3. It would have been my first baby. Now I'm left thinking "I would have been 5 weeks today" or "today was the day I was going to tell everyone." To make things worse, I'm a teacher and see young families all day. I see pregnant people and wonder, "why didn't I have a healthy baby." How do you deal with this?


Elyse - April 9

I feel the same it has been 4 weeks for me today. I wondered what i had done wrong with this baby to my other two children and the answer i just don't know, Suppose we will never know the answer to all the questions the human body is a complex place and for some reason our babies were not well and it's just natures way of making sure we do have a healthy baby. even though we hurt like hell! I have talked to a lot of friends who have suffered as well and they just tell me time is a great heeler which i do believe, as i feel now more able to express my feelings alot more than in the earlier days after the M/c hang in there and give your self time to grieve. All the emotions you are feeling are normaI. hope this helped you take care.


Hanna - April 10

I cried for at least two days in a row. After that I talked a lot about it. Fortunately for me (not for them) I have a lot of people around me who have also had a m/c, so they knew exactly what I was talkiing about. They were able to comfort me and to convince me that it was not my fault. Elyse tells you about it being 'nature's way'. At first that didn't comfort me at all, but after a week it really made sense to me. Dear Alexis, it will take time. To me, my first baby (though I was only six weeks pregnant) will always be my first. I had started writing in a little book about my baby's developments. I will always keep it. After I miscarried I wrote to my baby that he was gone now and that I missed him and would always love him. It was a tangible way of saying goodbye and I believe that helped me a lot. I wish you a lot of strength and good luck.


Alison - April 11

Alexis I can relate to what you're saying. I'm trying after my 2nd mscarriage and I find it hard not to think "I would be" In fact my first baby was due in less than 2 weeks time and I'm trying very hard but I keep thinking about it. My DH and I go to a church where there are alot of young families, and in particular alot of new babies at the moment-all good friends of ours' babies. Until the past few weeks ago I had 3 pregnant work colleages, and there are other friends and family expecting just now too. I know how hard it is and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just try and "push" the thoughts out of my head and replace them with thoughts of what it will be like when we finally have our first baby and how wonderful it will be. Sometimes that makes me feel worse but usually it gives me something nicer to think about. I wish I could say something more helpful but I just wanted to say I understand. I am thinking of you and wish you a healthy pregnancy next time and I hope you receive all the support you need at this difficult time xxx


Allie - April 11

I go through this, too...every time I look at the calendar I am still dating a pregnancy that has been over for almost 3 weeks. The worst was the day I would have hit my second trimester...I know it's already been said, but praying on it is what helps me most, along with support from friends.


Esmeralda - June 8

Alexis I just found out I had a miscarriage today. It hurts it's my fourth one and I don't know how to deal with the pain. But I can tell you that crying helps a little. I've been at it all day. Well I hope this helps. Take Care



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