How To Feel After A Stillbirth

9 Replies
lilu - August 17

I lost my little girl at 34 1/2 weeks and so far there is no reason. I had a healthy pregnancy but last week I didn't feel her move all morning so i went to the doc and they couldn't find the heartbeat. So they rushed me to the hospital to do an ultrasound and still no heartbeat. She's gone. I had to give birth to her on 8/11/05. It all happened so fast that it doesn't seen real. I try not to blame anyone or anything but it's so hard. I've accepted that she's gone but it hurts so bad inside. Everytime I think of her I cry. I try to be strong for my fiance but it's so hard sometimes. I just don't understand how something like this can happen. Only if they we would've known and she came out early... she would've survived. I can't help but think that this is a lesson to be learned. I just kills me inside to think that her life had to be taken to make me realize how special life is. I didn't need her life to be taken to put my life into perspective. I just can't stay focussed, she's all i think about. My fiance talks about another babay but I'm scared of thought. I'm scared that God won't give me another baby since he took this one. The dr. said everything is okay with me and I should have no problems with another pregnancy but look what happened with my first pregnancy. I hate this empty feeling in my belly. I miss her little feet kicking me in the ribs... I miss everything about her. I loved everything about being pregnant... everything and now it's just gone. I just don't know how to feel or think. I was just wondering if I can get some feedback from other mothers who have experienced a stillbirth?


Paulette - August 18

Lilu, I am sorry to hear about your loss. All the things you are feeling now are normal. I lost my little boy at 22 weeks and there isn't a time when I don't think, what if? I found that after months of greiving, this site helped me understand that we are not alone in this. I share a lot of the same concerns but there are a lot of success stories here too. I hope the best to you in the future.


Lilu - August 18

Paulette... thanks for the response. As each day goes by... it gets alittle easier. I just miss her so much. Thanks:)


Jennifer - August 19

Give your self time. I was in my 25th week when my daughter died. They do not know why I was told it just happens. I also wanted to blame someone and I did my husband. He excepted that and took my abuse, it was part of the greiving process. I felt empty for a very long time. I wanted her so much she was my 3rd. There is nothing I can say that will make it better as much as I want to. You just need to give yourself time. I can never have any more children she was my last. If you are really having trouble get help. I had a counsler that the hospital a__signed me, she wa great and I am glad that I had her. You are not alone in your feelings. Stay strong!!!


Stephanie - August 22

I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. It isn't right. Especially so late in the pregnancy. I lost my little girl July 19th.... it was her due date. It's the worst feeling in the whole wide world. I went to the doctor the day before because I didn't feel her kicking and they sent me home from the hospital because I received a perfect score of 8/8 on the ultrasound. The next day she was gone. I'm scared of trying for another baby too. What did the doctors say it was? Hang in there and stay strong. There are others grieving the same way you are. I'm sorry.


Lilu - August 24

The Dr said my bloodwork was okay and my placenta was okay... no clots in the umbillical cord. I haven't received the results from the autopsy yet. How long did it take you to heal after the delivery?


Paulette - August 24

Lilu - Glad to hear that you got a good report so far. For me, I bled for about 2-1/2 weeks and received my af about 7 weeks from delivery date. My dr said it can vary for healing. Also because everyone's body is different, it may take you shorter or longer to heal. Personally I felt muscle spams long after but my dr said that most women do, its normal. How are you feeling?


Lilu - August 26

I'm still bleeding but it'e only been 2 weeks for me. But my muscles are still very sore there. Each day it's getting better though.


Paulette - August 26

Everyone is a little different, but I hope you are feeling better soon.


sian - August 26

hi lilu, im so sorry to hear what has happened, but please know it does get better. i lost a little boy at 5mths.i just went for my regular antenatal visit and found there was no heart was horrible having to go through the labour process when the women in the rooms next to me were delivering healthy happy to say now i have two little girls and am pregnant with a little boy now(32wks along) its been 4yrs since losing my baby but now i can talk about him without getting upset although i often wonder what it would be like to have him here with me now...he'd be starting kindy!well best of luck for the future.



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