How To Grieve After Stillbirth

2 Replies
thaliacarnes - December 31

my baby boy was a stillbirth how can i go on and not blame myself?


K - December 31

thalisacarnes - hunny you must not blame yourself! I know its the hardest thing ever and the night seems long and neverending, every day seems just a pool of pain, but I promise you, it does get better. We lost our little girl at 28 weeks to an infection. That was abouit 6 weeks ago now, sometimes it feels like yesterday now and sometimes it feels like it was forever ago. Totally random, no reason or rhyme to it, just horrid and cruel, but its not your fault. It just is what it is. I know you want answers but they don't give you what you really want , which is obviously for this not to have happened. The way we've taken our first steps to get over this is to stop trying to make things normal and just aim for bearable. Just try and get through each day, the best way you can and after a while it gets easier. You will not feel better ever about your boy's loss, but you will learn to live with it. You put it in a place that sits longside your normal life. There are millions of women out there who suffer stillbirth, neonatal death or miscarriage every day, can't all be our fault can it? Just give yourself time, 'cos its honestly the only thing you can do. Allow yourself to feel it and be open to your husband/partner dealing with it in a different way, they too have lost a child but may not deal in the same way as you. Don't push each other away if you can help it. My dh has been my lifeline. Life is c___p right now, but you know what, there are all the things you used to find fabulous still in the world and one day you will think they are fabulous again. Just tinged with sadness that you cant show them to your baby boy. I hope you find some peace in any way you can. Its only been a few weeks for us but I can honestly say that compared to where we were in the beginning, this point is much, much better. Sending hugs, kindness and wishes of happiness to you and yours. xx


Lilu - January 2

It's natural to have all those emotions especially when you're not prepared for something like this. I mean they tell you about miscarriage but never after you're baby just dieing inside your womb. I loss Sophie at 34 1/2 weeks. She was an unexplained stillbirth. Her was a healthy baby and so am I. I did alot of research and reading. Thats helped me. In doing so, I found this site. And just reading other people's stories helped me not feel so alone and not blame myself. My doctor was great as well. When he asked "do you believe god loves you" My response was "not at this time" He then comforted me and telling me God does love me and he has a plan. I also wrote in a journal so all these feelings didn't bottle up inside of me. It's still hard when I see babies but hopefully soon I will be pregnant and be blessed with a baby. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.



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