I Lost My Daughter

3 Replies
Kulio - March 31

I had a healthy pregnancy and was attending a GP till my mom forced me to go to a gynae which I went in January,late January I had a burning gastro acid coupled with diarhea which I went to my GP as my gynae stays miles away.He gave me meds and when we were there I noticed that my daughter is weighing 2 weeks behind and the doctor reassured me that it is nothing,I must go back home and come back after 2 weeks.The last time I feel the baby kick strong was 2days on medication and I asked around and people kept telling me that I was paranoid but then I was still healthy.The night before going to the dr I feel pain while I was sleeping and I was dizzy the whole day then I slept.Morning of 10\02 my husband and I went to the dr's room and he just said this head doesn't look normal,he immediately went to the heart to find there was no heart beat and he just couldn't say with his mouth that my baby girl was no more,then I asked him and all he said was I am very,very sorry.My world closed in on me and I was shattered.I phoned my mom who said I must come back home,then we drove 120 km to my home town,went to my gynae who confirmed she was no more.I was immediately booked in hospital to be induced after 6 hours of terrible labour my angel arrived sleeping with a tight cord around her neck.The GP did mention that she was inbetween the cord but no need to worry as it is normal.My heart broke when I saw her lifeless body there,wishing I could breathe my own for her to live.I was 31 weeks when she went to heaven,this was my second daughter.With my first I had a healthy pregnancy and never knew of such a thing as stillbirth untill it happened to me.There was a point my belly felt like sinking but I was told it was nothing.I had the heart monitor but didn't use it quite often since I told myself that the worst was over.I didn't even know that counting the kicks helps but when I asked I was told that babies often reduce their kicks late in pregnancy cause of weight or space etc.I relaxed and now I am childless.I miss her,her EDD was 8\04\11


Gerra - June 1

I am so sorry to hear about your lost because i know exactly what you are going through.I also lost my first born about a month ago and the pain an anquish i went through i won't wish on my worse enemy.Everyone tells you that time will heal but it does'nt.whenever i hear a baby crying or see a pregnant woman i want to go off my head.What im trying to do is just take one day at a time.Talk to your hubby as it makes it easier when you can share your experience with someone who was there the minute it happens.Thinking of you!!!



I am with you. I lost my daughter at 38 weeks. She has been gone for a year now and it still feels like it was yesterday. I go to sleep crying and I wake up crying. I kept telling my doctor I had a feeling something was wrong, he told me I was a nervous mother to be. I thought in time things would get better for me and I would stop crying. It's been getting worse. I picture that day over and over again in my head. laying on the table waiting to hear her little heart beat and finding nothing. I felt like I was running and couldn't move. I dropped to the floor and begged god not to take my baby. The doctor waited 5 days to see if I would go in to labor on my own but I didn't so I had to set up a time to give birth to my angel. I couldn't get over having to wait 5 long days. I had never felt so cold in all my life laying there begging god to make her wake up and kick me. I could feel her lifeless body inside me and my head told me she was still alive, but she wasn't. I sit in her room and rock in the chair and look at her crib and picture her in it. she is frozen in time to me, she will always be my little baby forever and she will never grow older. I love being in her room and I won't let anyone take down her crib. It feels like the only way I can protect her. I got home the other day from work to find out my husband had sold her crib and her dressers. because he needed the money to help his family out. He left the next day to go help his family and I was left here alone and more empty. I begged him not ever take it down. It feels like some stranger has my daughter and I can't get her back again. I feel like I have lost her twice now and I couldn't do anything to protect her. I think I am going to lose it. I really do. He won't let me talk about her around him. He thinks it's time I let go. I just can't... I want her back now more then I ever have. I think he finished breaking me. I feel dead inside. I sent an email to his family letting them know what I lost because they needed help building a deck for their pool. My husband was angry at me for sending a hurtful email to them and told me his family comes first in anything they need. I offered all my jewelery in place of her crib set, I told him he could sell all of it, just don't touch anything of my daughters. He told me for sending an email to his family that the pay back was going to be a b___h. I can't think of anything more he could do that would hurt me more then what he did. He told me if I wanted it back I had to pay him a thousand dollars for it. so I cashed in my savings bonds. I found the add he put on craig's list and got in touch with the people and told them how much the crib set meant to me and how my daughter pa__sed away and it's the only thing I have left of her. I know he's been out of work for awhile and needed the money but I would have sold anything else but her things. I really think all this put me back a lot of steps in dealing with her death. He told me he thinks I am losing it and I need to get help, but I think if the mind games stop, it would help my healing. I have no one to talk to about my feeling of loss and he doesn't want to hear it anymore. My head hurts all day long because my mind never stops going but I have to keep everything inside, so I talk it all out in my mind, and I think I am making myself worse. I feel like throwing things and punching the walls. the only time I leave the house is to go to work and then I come home and lock myself in the house and close the curtains and start shaking out of control. I don't think this hurt will go away until the day I can be with her.


Alice36 - May 10

Hey dollparts, I know its nearly a year since you posted this, but I wanted to know how you are? Alice x



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