Missed MC

178 Replies
smmom2 - November 3

I went to my 12 week dr. appt last Wednesday, and discovered the baby had died. I was 12 wks 3 days along and baby was about 11 1/2 to 12 weeks along when it passed. I had the d&c two days later on the 26th. I am still bleeding and cramping, but bleeding comes and goes. It does seem to be that when I get more active, I bleed more. I have two very healthy children, Thank the lord, and was totally and completely shocked by this. I have been very depressed and kind of hiding out in my home. I do notwant to face the world and all the questions and I am so sorry's. I am badly wanting to be pregnant again. My doctor said it is best to wait through 2 cycles,but I have known several people that only waited through one cycle. I am wondering if I waited a month and did not get my first peroid, would it still be safe to try again. I do NOT want to go through this again, but desperately want to be pregnant again. I know that I need t give my body time to heal, but I only had the suction D&C,not the sc__ping D&C so there was no sc__ping of my uterus.Therefore I am thinking that maybe my body can bounce back faster. I go back to the Dr. in a couple of days and will ask then, but am wondering if anyone out there has medical knowledge of this, and could tell me if it would be safe to try again withing a month???

 

HeavenisMine - November 3

I was in the midst of my twelfth week when I had a miscarriage too. I had my period about five weeks after my D&C, and got pregnant straight away after that period and am now 37wks and 5 days with a healthy girl. It really is your decision in the end, and whether or not you feel ready and have a garauntee your body is not dealing with any complications that could possibly affect the next pregnancy. I hope all works out for you and you have all my sympathies for your loss. I suffered deep depression after mine, and got addicted to pain killers for awhile there. It can be dangerous, do seek help if you need a shoulder. I'd hate to see any woman get that depressed. It's no good :( Best wishes and God bless you.

 

smmom2 - November 4

Thanks for sharing your story, and for the info. That is very helpful and encouraging!!! I will go to the dr on wednesday see if we can ttc again soon.

 

Kim8 - November 4

Hi smmom2, I, too, found out (10-11 at 15w 1d) that my baby had died, and then 4 days later went through an induced labor. Your depression is SO normal - I thought my overwhelming sadness and empty feeling was possibly extreme. However, I am reading Silent Grief (by Clara Hinton) and I can honestly tell you that everything I have felt, everything I had written in my journal, every thought, every hurt - it's all there! I highly recommend reading this book. What helped me most was keeping a journal and arranging all the memoribila I have from this pregnancy / birth into a sc___p album. I also created a special shelf for my baby with mementos. He was my 8th, and my 1st loss. We, too, want to ttc right away, and I have all the same questions that you have! My OB told me I had the go-ahead with my 1st ov after my 1st period. I even asked him on more than one occasion, just because I wasn't sure if my ears had heard correctly. Oh, and btw, your spirtis will again lift, as mine did. Though, in the beginning, all I could think of was, "How can everyone else's world keep turning while mine has come to a screeching halt?" I thought I could never be happy ever again. A smile, a laugh all seemed foreign to me. But each day saw improvements - a setback here or there, and that's just normal. I still cry and miss my baby so much, but I have been concentrating on healing physically so that I can ttc as soon as possible! While trying to heal emotionally, it helps to hope for the future - and your future children. Read also about ttc, even if you already know it all. It gives you hope! I sympathize deeply with you and am so sorry for your loss. Before I lost my little one, I never fully comprehended the depth of sorrow others had suffered. God Bless and best wishes in your ttc efforts! I'm with you!

 

smmom2 - November 4

Thanks Kim8 for all your kind words....I have begun to notice by reading everyone's stories on here that we all are very alike. It really helps to talk to others about it...others that understand. I am so nervous about losing another one, so am going to speak with the doc about it. Hopefully my chances of that happening again are very slim. I just keep my faith in the Lord that things will be ok next time!!!

 

julie2007 - November 4

hi smmom - i am so sorry for your loss. i too had 2 healthy normal pregnancies & children when i lost my 1st baby in march of this year at 11w3d (no HB after seeing one for 2 weeks!) i was in shock and horrified - and couldn't believe it could happen to me. my OB said to wait 3 cycles to TTC again - but in my late 30's that was not an option. so i asked the surgeon who did my (suction) d&c and she said wait 2 - mostly because of emotional well being - i was horrified by the loss. i had some counselling and got through it - and waited their 2 cycles - i got PG again in july and lost the baby at the very end of august - this time i kind of almost was numb - not as much shocked- but it hurt none the less -- however the doc's said after this d&c i could wait till i got AF and go see them - i did -- and they started me on fertility drugs that very same day - and i am now almost 6 wks pregnant - my (2nd) m/c was approx 9 weeks ago. i had TWO d&c's in 5 months - and my RE not only said i could try again AFTER getting AF - she HELPED me - with fertility drugs. --- so, not being a medical professional or knowing your history - i'd say ask if it's ok to TTC again after you get AF one time -- when you see your doc. --- i asked why the difference this time - and my RE said - 1. time isn't on your side (i was 39) -- and 2. you seem to be in a better place emotionally this time around. (not that this one hurt any less - cuz i still miss both of my babies but i hope they are in heaven watching over this pregnancy!) -- i wish you luck with this - and again - i am sorry for your loss.

 

smmom2 - November 5

Thanks very much Julie.....I am sorry for your losses as well and VERY big LUCk to you and this new baby. I see the doctor on Wednesday for my 2 week checkup after my DC...which was also a suction one. I am going to ask her if it is ok to ttc after af....I am not going to wait 2 cycles...cause quite selfishly I want to be pg again.....I want another baby....and I am very scared about this happening again. But everyone here has been so helpful with this feeling of being scared and lost and sad all at once. I have been bleeding now for 10 days and am prayiung for it to stop soon so that af can come quickly !!!

 

Kim8 - November 6

Hi smmom2, as I said in my earlier post, I am just as anxious as you are to get pg right away! And as I said, my OB told me on 3 different occasions that it would be ok to ttc after the 1st AF and at the 1st ov thereafter. You have been bleeding now for just under 2 wks. Give it a little more time. I had written about my concern of ongoing bleeding, and yesterday, at 3wks since my baby's induced birth, I was only slightly spotting brown, and NO MORE RED OR PINK!! Yay! I hope it holds true today. Also, I've been doing my usual charting on TCOYF, and it seems I ov 3 days ago! Really hoping for 1st AF w/i the next 2 wks, and then... You and I are together in this. Please keep me posted on your pp progress and your ttc efforts. My prayers are w/ you! ~Kim

 

smmom2 - November 6

That is good news Kim !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully that means you can ttc here very ...very soon !!!! I hope the same is for us...I am off to the doc tomarrow for more answers. I am hoping she sayd we can start as soon as 1 af shows its ugly face.....although right now she looks pretty good huh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am also nervous about the chromasomal test results tomarrow. Well....off to bedd...I will let you know. And unnfortunately my spotting keeps turing red, then brown, then pink, then brown...it is being stubborn!!!!!

 

Kim8 - November 7

Hello again! Oh yes, please let me know how your appt goes tomorrow! I'm anxious for you as well as hearing another OB's opinion about WHEN... Did you have chromosomal testing done on the baby or did you have your own bloodwork drawn for it? I didn't pursue anything on the baby (mine died at latest 14 wks) but had them test my thyroid levels (I was actually taking meds for it about 7 yrs ago) which came out normal. I wanted my progesterone levels checked, but he said it was too costly and that wasn't my problem; otherwise the placenta wouldn've simply detached causing a miscarriage of a live baby. He also said I wouldn't have had 7 normal pregnancies and deliveries prior to this, either. He really thinks there was something wrong with the baby, due to the fact that I don't have a m/c history and because of my age - 43 and ticking.... So I'm very interested in what your OB has to say. Shortly after my last post about brown -only spotting, I had more red bleeding! It wasn't much, and it did taper off quickly and went back to brown. Nevertheless, I felt discouraged. It's just so weird how it can change. I don't understand how there can be both red and brown present at the same time; you'd think there'd be a mix, but for me, it is separate. Yes, AF would be a wonderful sight - I know just what you are saying!! Well, your bleeding is to be expected yet, as it hasn't been too long - are you at 2 wks pp yet? I am 3w 2d pp as of Wed., so I am sick of this d/c already! Though with my full-termers, I always bled for 6+ wks; I guess I should expect this. Can't wait to hear about your appt - best wishes!!! ~Kim

 

Kim8 - November 7

Oops - typo about the live m/c. I typed "wouldn've". I meant "would've or would have". ~Kim

 

smmom2 - November 8

hi Kim....I went to my doc appt on Wedneday.....And yes, we did a chromosomal test, and the chromosomal count came back normal....which means the baby had no chromosomal defect...no downs....which makes me feel again as if I did something wrong or did not do something correctly. I am hurting again. We also found out the baby was a girl....which I am going to come up with name for her. I also got blood drawn for my levels....and they are still at 35. I was hoping or even thinking they should be at 0. Also she said the spotting and light flow is normal and that I can bleed 4-6 weeks. She said she had no idea when af would come, that it could take 30 days or 60 days. And that either way she wanted me to wait ATLEAST 2 cycles to ttc again. She said reason being she wanted to wait to make sure the uterrine lining is thick again !!! SOOOO....now I am sad....and having to wait forever. And I so want to be pg again by December. I just want another baby. I am 2 weeks pp and feel like this is never going to be over, it is like I am reminded of what haoppened every time I go to the bathhroom. And my bleeding is doing exactly what yours is....it is one one day and then light flow and then brown spotting and then the bleeding again. It just wont go away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully for you it will go away soon....since you are farther pp then me. Let me know how you are doing !!!

 

Kim8 - November 8

Hi smmom2, I am wondering if you and I could email each other off this site. It would be a lot easier! I am willing to take the risk of posting my address here, with the exception of the "at" symbol, since that is not allowed. You'll know what to do. I'm posting my old addy that I no longer use, but it is still active, and I will check it, and then give you my current addy personally. Does this work for you? If you choose, that addy is joysr7-fold at juno.com. If not, I understand. I'll still write through this, but there is much you and I could talk about. ~Kim

 

smmom2 - November 9

I believe there are things for us to talk about....I will email you...

 

thejr2913 - November 9

Thank you for your advise to my question. I know how hard things seem. I felt like everyone was looking at me with such sorrow. I had to get away for a long weekend. It helped to go where no one knew and feel normal again. Coming home was hard, but now I don't feel so overwhelmed. As for your question about ttc again. My dr said wait one cycle for dating reasons, but if I started to try right away as long as I felt up to it that it would be okay. Her best advice was each pregnancy is a new one, and to try to keep this in mind. Good luck! I hope things get better soon :-)

 

smmom2 - November 10

thejr29.....I find it funny and weird that everyone on here....their doc has told them something different.. I have read so many people that have said their dr said they can ttc again right away and waiting through a cycle is no bid deal. But my dr. sadi to wait through 2 cycles....seriously is there a right anwser here?Would I really be at more risk of having another mc if I only wait 1 cycle....and what about the people that do not wait at all. I am so confused by this....that so many doc's say so many different things.

 

Tory1980 - November 10

smmom2, after my first m/c at 6weeks I fell pregnant straight away and he is nearlly 19 months old. Pregnancy went fine (although I was induced due to cholestasis - nothing to do witht he previous miscarriage) and he is healthy and well. With my second m/c at 14w4d on Jan 31st '07 my husband and I decided to wait one cycle (although we were told to try again whenever we were ready even if straight away) and I fell pregnant in April and so far all is well. My AF showed 33 days(on time for me) after the D&C I needed on the 1st Feb due to retained tissue (as far as I know it was the sc___ping). Different doctors do tell you different things when it comes to TTC after m/c. A lot will depend on the tests (if any) being done as sometimes they take longer to come back than expected. When I asked my Doctor he said the reasons to wait were - one, to allow better dating of the pregnancy and two, to allow the woman 'time' to grieve the loss of the baby. It was a personal decision to wait and also because we had a burial for our little girl. Neither of us were ready at that time for another pregnancy and the first + test and first trimester were the hardest weeks of our lives. I have three boys and they are truely blessings but this pregnancy has definitely been the hardest for me emotionally. Be prepared for a lot of stress and upset when you do fall pregnant again. The innocence is gone now and you know what can go wrong. I wish you all the luck in the world and best wishes that you will have a healthy little one soon.

 

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