My First M C

12 Replies
utopia8302 - January 30

h__lo everyone. Iam blessed with a beautiful 21 month old daughter but really need some encouragement or any information possible. i was 9 weeks along with our second child after being on clomid for 3 months and miscarried last night in the ER. We got to see the baby and everything, which i think helped. but can anyone give me any information that helps?? about anything? i was really scared about the whole "closure" thing (not sure if anyone else worried about that). babies that are stillborn have graves, but nothing for a 9 week old...(not that a grave is appropriate). but what can we do to honor him? i know we'll always remember him, the pain is there everyday. but what about closure? i guess any information about ANYTHING will help at this point. i just feel lost and alone, is this normal?

 

hailey07 - January 30

So sorry for your loss. I recently miscarried my first baby and I know what you're going through. The coping process is very comlicated. I felt so lonely and desperate after I finished bleeding. So my boyfriend and I came up with a few coping ideas: we named the baby a unis_x name (Avery) since we didn;t know the s_x. This helped because we could stop referring to Avery as "it" Next we built a snowman for the baby, we are in the process of finding a house or building a house so we built the snowman as our :grave" I guess you could say. Once we buy a house we will be planting a tree for Avery. Also, you may consider journaling your feelings and also timeline the process. That has really helped me get rid of anxiety and all my negative emotions. I hope these help, and just remember to look to your husband for support. Our partners offer the best comfort... although he may not totally understand, it was his baby too. Good luck and best wishes!

 

debbie80 - January 30

utopia- I posted to your response in our septemeber blog. I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry for your loss. I have suffered two m/c already. I am currently 9.3 days prego today and I fear that I will lose this one too. So far we have heard the heartbeat twice, but that still doesnt mean anything. I wanted to ask you if you dont mind, did you have any symptoms of a m/c happening? With mine I started to spot and it got heavier and heavier and then the cramps kicked in-I had to have d/c the next day... I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prays and again I am so sorry for your loss. It was very hard for me to get over my second m/c. I had my d/c on July 31st and I did bleed for over a week. Then my af didnt come until Sept 5th. I then had to wait another cyle to find out if my af would come on time, which it did. After that, I asked my dh if he wanted to try again...we tried in Nov and nothing, and then on x-mas morning we found out-just like you did. I would think by finding out in x-mas it would mean its a miracle baby, but I guess not. I dont think I ever really gotten over my losses-I did have a journal that I wrote in, which did help. I found that it is hard to talk to people about it if they have not gone through it...thats why I liked talking to someone who could relate to it. Just so you know, m/c are very common in early pregnancy, I am sure you just had a abnormal chromosonze problem like I have had...please keep in touch with me if there is anything you need. Hugs *** =)

 

utopia8302 - January 30

i cannot begin to thank you girls enough. i just feel that i am not feeling as sad as i should. dont get me wrong, i cried for 2 days straight. it just seems like i cant cry anymore, even though i feel like i should be. what happened was this: Sunday at work, i had a TINY brown spot of blood. called the ob, he said go in for u/s 1st thing the next morning. i had no other bleeding than that ONE spot, so i really wasnt concerned being that i spotted with my first. during the u/s, i knew right away there was no heartbeat. the dr shut off the screen and said he didnt have good news and he was sorry. they then scheduled me for a d&c for wednesday. monday night, i started bleeding bright red with small clots. i then went to the ER, and they thought i pa__sed the baby in the toilet with all the tissue/clots/etc. but i then pa__sed the whole sac with baby and fluid whole. i also pa__sed about 12 clots the size of my hand (fingers spread). i really had NO signs, no cramping, nothing. this was all the sudden. i go tomorrow for u/s to see if there's anything out and if so, will have a d&c. but im pretty sure i pa__sed everything. now i am just feeling that i am over it already. i just feel that he is in the right place, and will be back to us later. i just know he will return to us later! i find comfort in that. we already planned last night to plant a tree at our new house. we did name him right away after my grandpa who has pa__sed. i was horrible the first 2 days, and my hubby was a champ. now he is having a really hard time, and i feel like i can move on emotionally. is this weird?????????? i feel like i am such a bad mom! sorry for the length.

 

KitCat - January 30

Hi utopia.......I am so sorry for your loss. If anyone knows how you feel, it's the women here, so ask questions or just vent to us. I'm surprised your doctor didn't offer you any information about m/c groups in your area. I have been to some meetings and it helps alot to let it all out to people that know what you are going through. People that have never m/c'ed a baby don't totally understand, I think. These are the people that say "You're young, you can always try again" or "What's wrong with you?". And my all time favorite is when they say " Well at least you know you can get pregnant....just have another one". My response to them is ....NO! What you don't seem to understand is that I wanted THAT one, not a different one! Some people just don't get it. Did the hospital offer anything for you to be done with your baby once you m/c'ed? Some hospitals do burials that early, however, the one I go to will do a cremation ceremony. That's what I have chose in the past. It's not something that we attend or anything, it's just done by them. Other than that, I've never really done anything more than that. I think the thing that really helps you to heal is time. You'll realize that it wasn't your fault, and nothing you could have done would have saved them. A m/c is God's way of telling you that something was wrong with the baby and it needed to become one of His angels. I'm so happy to read you have a beautiful little girl. Congrats to you! I also have a child, a 7 y/o son, who just melts my heart. After 9 pregnancies (an ectopic, a m/c at 14 weeks, and 6 m/c's all before 10 weeks)....I am still trying to give my son a little brother or sister. I wish you the best and lots of luck. KitCat

 

stefkay - January 30

utopia, I felt the same way. I cried for 2 or 3 days straight. The day I had the u/s and found out, I had no idea. But for some reason when they said they were going to do the u/s (it was my first appt with a perinatologist that my OB sent me to) I got really scared. When she started it I couldn't look at the screen and I have no idea why. I think I knew on some level because my previous 2 u/s showed the baby growing and a h/b , but the growth was lagging by 2 weeks. When she said, "well this looks like it will be your 4th miscarriage" I lost it. I was such a crying mess in the lab where she sent me to get blood drawn that they wouldn't let me leave unless they called someone to pick me up. But after those couple of days it's like I couldn't cry anymore. I had a lot of support and I had this forum so it helped. I too pa__sed everything in like a day. I can't believe I held that much stuff. I had to catch it all and take it to the dr's office for testing. I wanted answers so badly that I did it. It wasn't as traumatizing as I thought it would be because I just didn't look at what came out, but the clots were enormous. Anyways, not to gross anyone out, but i totally understand...

 

kristi77 - January 30

Hello sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about your lose. I lost my 2nd in Oct. of 2006. The only encouragement I can give is don't hold it all inside. Cry, Scream, Talk about it .. it helps. Good luck with everything. I still have days where I miss him and I miss being pregnant. It's something that will never go away but gets easier each day to get through it.

 

utopia8302 - January 31

thanks girls. no, the hospital didnt offer anything and said, "honey, this is what a m/c is, you'll be bleeding for days so just go home and wait it out" i was shocked that they couldnt put it in nicer terms. they werent really even in there to change all the chucks on the bed, so my husband had to do all of that, the poor guy. they took the baby and placed him in a specimen cup with sterile water and sent him to pathology. they said we wouldnt hear anything, just normal procedure if they catch the fetus. i just hate the whole thing. what hurts me are the terms "pa__s the fetus" or "pa__s clots"....i delivered. i had to deliver my baby early. he looked exactly like the 8 week pictures of embryo development. so perfect in his little "bubble", but lying on the chucks pad on the bed. i just dont know when i'll be ready to try again. everyone says, you're only 25, you'll have lots more kids...you have time. i dont care, its not about time......i wanted THAT child. he was ours! we lost a child! its frustrating. i know they mean well, but they really dont understand. thanks girls foryour support. i start back to work in the pediatric emergency room on monday. i took off the rest of the week. i go in today for an u/s to make sure there's nothing left. thanks again girls.

 

BiancaM - January 31

Utopia! I am so terribly sorry. I know exactly what you are going though. I've had 2 m/c. It's hard. We didn't really do anything when it happened I cried for days and sometimes even half a year later I would think of our "baby" and cry some more. I was very sensitive for a year. It didn't help that a friend of ours was expecting and had the same due date. I didn't understand why it happened to me because I felt I was doing everything in my power right. I got angry at people who have abortions because some of us can't have children and some people can without trying and don't want them. I still think of the miscarriages sometimes and think that we could've had a child by now. That doesn't do any good though. I guess my best advice is to stay strong and keep faith in that you will become pregnant again. Don't give up. Start taking clomid again as soon as you feel ready. You are in my prayers.

 

dukele - January 31

Hello Utopia, I too am sorry for your loss as well. I just went through my first D/C on the 18th of this month with my first pregnancy. The whole pregnancy had been up and down, and I knew that I was m/c-ing before we went for the U/S. I cried and cried until the D/C. After that I didn't shed a tear for a week. In fact, I thought that I was very happy to get back to my old life. The other day my husband and I were watching a movie (not a sad movie or anything, I believe it was an action/advent flick) and I began to feel sad. I started to cry and I haven't been able to control my emotions since. Do not worry about not feeling anything yet-it will come. You will hear a song on the radion, or see a sad commercial, or a touching television show and the emotions will come out. Sometimes I think that God gives us a break for a bit (after a loss that we are just not ready to deal with) then allows us to grieve a little later--when we are a little more able to handle it. The sadness will come, and so will the closure, I have faith.

 

redsonya - February 1

utopia, i was happily reading this forum when i came to your post. i am so sorry for your loss. i m/c 3 years ago at 12 weeks. reading about your precious child made me cry b/c i remember that pain. like i said it's 3 years later and i still think about my baby that should've been. i still get emotional about it. i always look at courtney cox's baby in magazines because our babies would have been exactly the same age to the day. isn't that stupid. the pain will ease up and you will have another pregnancy but you will never forget. so sorry girl.

 

hailey07 - February 2

m/c groups? are you living in the us kitcat? i wouls love to get involved with that if i could find it near my home. it is such a comfort to be able to vent on these forums but if i could find a support group with some face to face support it would be great.

 

Sam How - February 3

Hi utopia, I found this website honoredbabies.org both of my babies are on there, make sure you have a box of tissue ready it is upsetting to see so many baby that have pa__sed. Sorry for your loss.x

 

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