My Husband Wants To Wait And I Want To Try Again

4 Replies
HOPE - May 2

I am really having a hard time this week. Late in December, I found out that I was going to miscarry a second time. I waited a month and eventually had to have a D and C. I was supposed to be 9 weeks pregant but there was no longer a heart beat and I was really only 7 weeks. I was told that I should wait 3 months before I try again so my husband and I decided that I would go back on the pill for a few months until we were ready to try again. I am finally ready to try again but my husband is not. Last night was the first time that I could even get him to discuss trying again. He said he has finally got used to thinking that we will never have children. We talked some more and he said maybe he would be ready in a couple of months but he doesn't want to go through everything a third time. I am really scared it will happen again but I want to try one more time. I am going to wait until he is ready. I still cry every time someone I know gets pregnant. The waiting is killing me. I had to wait to get pregnant, wait to find out I was going to miscarry, wait to miscarry, wait for the D and C, wait until it was safe to try again, and now I have to wait some more. I know I sound selfish but I thought at least some women on this site might understand how I am feeling.


Lynne - May 3

Hi Hope: I know exacty how you feel. My situation is a little bit different. But we were 24 weeks pregnant when I went into labor. I have been dx with an incompetent cervix. I delivered my son via c section at 25 weeks. He lived for 1 month in the NICU but developed an infection called NEC and pa__sed due to complications. Luke pa__sed on 08/31/05 He was born on 07/19/05. I am finally really to ttc but my husband just isn't ready yet. So here I am really wanting a child to love and in a way I feel like my husand is being difficult. I would rather he think the way I do and be ready, but he just doesn't right now. I don't know what the answer is, but I just think if they understand how badly you want it, then maybe they will think about it more and realize how wonderful both of your lives can be with a baby. I think for the most part men chose not to think about it to protect themselves. But I don't put much stock in pshychological babble either. I wish you luck and hopefully an uneventful pregnancy in the near future. :-) Lynne


frankschick2001 - May 3

I know how you feel. The thing is, is that sometimes we forget that men get effected by miscarriage too. I know I did. I think I felt like it didn't effect him at all. Only a couple of months later during an argument did he exclaim "You were not the only one who lost something" did I realise that miscarraiges don't just happen to women. Try to put the shoe on the other foot. If you wanted to wait, you;d expect him to understand right?


Val - May 4

Hi Hope... I completely understand your frustration with waiting. I was ready to start tttc in early '04 but my dh wanted to wait a year. So I went along with his desires, and then got pg in June of last year on the 3rd month of trying. I miscarried at 9 weeks in August and have been ttc with no luck ever since. Every month that I get af I get more depressed, especially since I worry that I might miscarry again and have to start all over. And of course just about everyone I know is either pg or recently had a baby. And after seeing my ob this month about our fertility, my dh was supposed to schedule to have his sperm tested, and he messed up on scheduling the appointment and now he can't get in until mid May. Between that and finding out that a close friend is pg, I've had a hard time this week as well. I don't think you are selfish to want to try again. I do think that mc and fertility issues can definitely put strain on a marriage so it's good to talk things over with your spouse so you don't build up any resentment. (I should take my own advice!) Best of luck to you...


HOPE - May 5

Thank you for responding. I am sorry that others have to go through this too. I feel better about everything now. I know he would wait if I was not ready. I just hope when we do try again that everything will work out this time. I don't think either of us will have the emotional strength to try a fourth time. I think this is why I want to try again now. If I can just get pregnant and keep the baby, I won't have to worry any more about all of this. Thanks again and good luck everyone!



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