Need Some Advice-pg117001648747

1 Replies
happiness1day - January 28

I had a late miscarriage at 19 weeks only 2 weeks ago, and I talked to my best friend today and she went and told one of my friends I miscarried. I wanted to tell my friend myself. So I became upset, and asked her why she said anything, and her comment to me was, What you still want her to think your pregnant? I became horrified..When I told her that I miscarried she acted like I should just get up and move on with my life. She acts as if my son wasnt a real person, just because he isnt with me... Im so sick and tired of people acting like he wasnt a person, like I didnt have to labor to have him, all because he is in the heavens now... Am I overreacting and just being emotional?


JuJu - January 28

happiness1day; you are definitely not over-reacting! Your BF has really over-stepped the boundaries of your friendship. Losing a baby is such an intensly personal experience, and it's so important for those of us who have miscarried, to have some control over how the news of our miscarriage/s is spread to others, especially in the beginning. Your BF should have understood that her role was not to 'spread the news' but rather to protect and support you. The fact that you lost your son well into the second trimester is so devestating, and should have been even more reason for your BF to want to protect you from further hurt. You have every right to be angry and disappointed with her; but my advice is not to focus on her too much at the moment - it's just going to direct your energy into the wrong area. Just take things easy and be good to yourself - miscarriage is so painful, but I can say that over time the pain does subside. I had 2 miscarriages last year, and although I will never forget and will always see them as my babies, I can look back on the experience without crying (most of the time!) and it's very bizarre, but I am thankful to my babies too - because I really feel that even though they never walked on this earth, they impacted my life immensely. Through miscarriage I learnt many lessons, and also discovered strengths I never realised I had. It took me several months before that initial 'rawness' eased off; your situation may be totally different. But the important thing is; only you can determine how long and how, you need to grieve. And your BF should respect your decisions about who and how you tell in the meantime. I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy {{{hugs}}}, JuJu



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