Please Help

6 Replies
Liz - August 12

I just had a m/c (15 weeks). I did not have a d/c and was at home and can not get the fact that I m/c at home and my baby went down the toilet. (No I did not see my baby I would have never flushed!). I know this sounds horrible but it is driving me crazy and I feel I need to throw up just thinking about it. I am an emotional wreck. Why didn't my doctor prepare me for the amount of tissue and bleeding? Please help me!

 

elyse - August 12

LIZ, i'm sorry i to lost mine naturally and it was the worst experience of my life i had never seen so much blood and mess in my life, i was terrified at the sight of it my first period after was the worst so prepare yourself girl it brings it all back i'm telling you this to prepare yourself no to scare you! i wish sombody had told me. when my friends had/had m/c i never understood what it was like i know now its the most terrifing experience i have ever been through all i say to you is don't blame yourself give yourself time to heel there's nothing you did wrong. And as for dr's arn't they mostly men not being nasty but text book is comlpetley different to going through the oreal of m/c or birth all my dr was concerned with was my pulse was racing yes i was terrified why would,nt it race, i suppose we are all different and deal with things in different ways. You take care if you want to talk any time about any of it i'm here i do know how you feel really i do.take care

 

Alison - August 12

Liz I am so sorry for your loss and the terrible experience you have been through. When I have miscarried I have always taken the pills to start me contracting and miscarried "natutrally" and I agree with Elyse I had never seen so much blood and mess before it was horrible. The pills force contractions so it was extremely painful too. I totall y sympathise with you both with what you have been through and I am so sorry. At our local maternity hospital they have a ward just for women miscarrying (or threatening to) and I was grateful that they have always kept me there to monitor me and look after me while I have been miscarrying and DH was able to be there with me too. I read so often of women going through it on their own and I feel so upset to think of this. They have always scanned me after to check on things, are they going to give you a check up to make you you have pa__sed everything? I feel you should have been prepared for the amount of tissue and bleeding I am sorry that you weren't told what to expect. (not that anything can prepare us for such an ordeal!) I wish I knew something to say to take your pain away but I am thinking of you and pray that you will get stronger each day and get through this and in the future (hopefully very soon) you will carry a healthy baby to term. You wil always miss your baby and think of them and that is normal. Did you name them? I have named our miscarried babies I felt it gave them some ident_ty and reminded others how significant they were to us. Take things one day at a time and let yourself grieve for your little one. Take care xxx

 

crisy - August 12

Hi Liz. I am so very sorry for your loss. The fact is that some doctors are just insensitive jerks. They just don't think about the emotional damage that they can do to a woman. I really think that they need a course in human compa__sion. What you are feeling right now it's normal. I was also sick to my stomach thinking about what happened to me when I lost the baby. I still think about it quite often. They say that with time it will get easier. I can honestly say that there will be ups and downs. When I lost the baby, I was in the waiting room at the ER. They made me wait there for 3 hours and when I went to the bathroom the baby was on my pad (size of an egg everthing together). I took my baby and I wrapped it in a paper and when the doctor finally saw me he threw my baby in the garbage. After he left I was crying so much it was so horrible. Then another doctor came afterwars. She took my baby to pathology and I never saw my baby again. I was so sad and I could not stop crying. The bleeding was awful. Clots and everything... They did not give me nothing for the pain. I was so dizzy and I could not walk. Nobody cared... It was very sad and my husband was the only one who was comforting me. Poor him, he was trying so much not to cry. In order to be able to grieve, I planted a rose bush in the memory of my baby. I named her Rosa-Maria. I always thought it was a little girl. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I hope that you have some family support around you. For me, the first two months after the miscarriage were horrible. I was crying everyday and I would wake up at night thinking that I was still pregnant. This website has helped me with my grieving and I really hope that it will help you. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that your heart will begin to heal. Take care honey.

 

Elle - August 13

Liz, I'm very sorry that this happened to you. My doctor did not tell me what to expect either, so I asked her a__sistant to get graphic and tell me in detail what to expect. If I had not asked they would not have told me--they should always tell a woman so she's prepared. They're just not thinking or maybe they think it'll just scare us if they do tell us what to expect. I know that there's nothing I can say to make it feel better just that those of us who've miscarried understand how you feel. Give yourself permission to feel upset and to grieve because you did just go through something traumatic. Although, in time we do learn to live with the emotiona___l pain, just know that it will take weeks or months to begin feeling "normal" again. I hope that you will continue to use this website and other good resources for the emotional support that you really need to have right now.

 

Kara - August 14

Liz - I am so sorry about your experience. I am so glad that you all are posting all of this. I thought I was the only one who was feeling this way. I have had 3 m/c. First one 15wks with d/c it was very sad but very clinical and clean. The second was fairly early so it wasn't too bad - more like the worse period of my life. The third, which just happened aug 2nd, was at 7wks. It was so traumatizing! I was not prepared for that even after the first 2 m/c's. My dr offered me a d/c this time when I first started gushing, but I thought it would be similar to the second so told her no and that I would be fine. I hope I never find myself in that situation again, but if I do, I will go get the d/c at the first gush. As for your baby, I know woman who did see and had to handle the remains of her pregnancy at 16 wks. It was not a good situation. Really there can be no good situation when it comes to loosing a baby. I get that same sick feeling everytime i think about last week fishing my baby's sac out of the toilet and putting it in a tupperware container and sending it off to a lab. Any outcome would make you sick so please to not beat yourself up over this. Allow your self to be traumatized and to grieve over the loss of your pregnancy. That's enough to deal with on its own. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Gabbi - August 15

Liz, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a m/c at 9wks. a few months ago. I had no signs or symptoms, we were going in for our 1st ultrasound. I was very angry with my dr. for not preparing me for this. I found out how regularly this happens only after the fact. I understand being an emotional wreck. I still cry my eyes out almost everytime I see a pg woman or baby. All I can say is don't blame yourself for what happened. If it weren't for my husband repeatedly telling me that...I don't know what I would have done by now. Don't give up though. You can feel free to email me if you want at [email protected] if I can help you at all or if you want to talk.

 

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