Scared To Tell Anyone That Im Pregnant Again After Loss

15 Replies
Tara - October 22

I am currently 13weeks 5 days pregnant and my hubby and I are scared to tell family and friends that were pregnant. We did manage to tell my mom and hubbys sister because we might need thier support if something goes wrong. I lost my last baby at 12 weeks (missed miscarriage, no bleeding or cramping). I was given a drug called cytotec and nearly killed me I ended up with a blood transfusion and emergency D&C. I had a lot of friends and family say hurtful comments like maybe we were not meant to have any more kids and Oh my other sister in law lost her baby at 26 weeks and it was a formed baby at least you didnt have to go through that. It was so difficult and I became so stressed because of the lack of support I turned to this forum where I could talk to women who understood what I was going through. I actually lost pregnant friends because of my miscarriage they no longer felt comfortable talking to me. I dont want to go through that again anyone have any advice as when I should be telling people Im pregnant? I personally scared Ill wait until Im showing and I do want to be able to tell without everyone finding out because I look pregnant. What are the chances of miscarriage after 14 weeks and hearing strong heartbeat on doppler?What would you ladies do if you were in my situation. Any advice would be appreciated.


Sue - October 22

Hi Tara, Congratulations! I am happy for you! I went through 2 miscarriages already. I told my hubby that the next time I get pregnant we are not telling anyone anything. If you are comfortable with not telling anyone about your pregnancy, don't. I heard that the chances of miscarriage are low after the 1st trimester. Try not to stress. Good luck!


Allie - October 22

Congratulations Tara! I am also pregnant again after a loss. I am only 5 1/2 weeks, so it is really early yet, and we are trying to wait to tell anyone (although I have a very ahrd time not telling). I think if yu can handle not saying anything, more power to you. It's kind of nice to ahve the secret with yuor husband, anyway :) I've probably told a 1/2 dozen people, just b/c it's hard to hide the symptoms and they were guessing anyway...


Bohnwin - October 23

I looked up "Cytotec" on the FDA website. Apparently it is supposed to be used for non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, including aspirin (NSAID) induced gastric ulcers. The "side effects" or contraindications are: uterine contractions resulting in full or incomplete abortions. You can see for yourself at Search "Cytotech". If I were you, I'd research it, and depending on my findings and situation, turn to a lawyer. As for your current pregnancy, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there. I know you are uncomfortable telling anyone now. Wait until you are showing, or you are comfortable that this baby is going to happen. Chances of miscarriage after the first trimester diminish significantly. Just do it when you feel comfortable. Don't listen to others about your ability, or destiny to have children. What do they know, anyway??? Are they doc's or maybe fortune tellers??? Just relax and enjoy everything. You will never be able to recreate the sensations you have while you are pregnant. When it is all over, you will think back to everything (even your apprehension) with fondness. I will keep you in my thoughts.


Donna - October 23

Well, I had a miscarriage last year and it took me 14 months to get pregnant again.. what were the chance of me having another miscarriage... I have had 2 successful pregnancies (10 and 6 now), but I waited about 10 days and then told my kids because I was really showing, and I should have been about 8 weeks. I lost that baby a few days later and the worst part about both pregnancies was that someone i worked with also found out they were pregnant and I was the one who lost. And I heard, are you nuts why do you want another, it wasn't ment to be, you can try agian, it wasn't the right time.. but none of that helps. Because no matter what it was a death to me. Now I took a home test and it came up positive and I am so afraid... I told only a few people for support but I am keeping the rest to myself until I hear a heartbeat. You are in or almost in your second trimester.. you should be okay as far as telling people.. but if you are lucky not to show so quickly.. maybe you want to keep your secret a few more weeks.. Unfortunatly... I show very quickly. Good luck... and stay positive.


Tara - October 23

hi ladies thanks for your responses and Im sorry about your losses. My miscarriage changed me forever. Congrats on your new pregnancies and best wishes for healthy little ones. Allie, I used to tell people right away, but so dissapointed in family and friends Ive decided not to. I think its wonderful if you have support and can share such a wonderful time with others. Bohnwin, Thanks for the info on Cytotec, but I live in Canada and boy is it hard to sue doctors here. Cytotec is not FDA approved in Canada if given to pregnant women even if baby has pa__sed. It is approved for ulcers though, but it still is used for miscarriage and induce labour. I had horrible cramps and uncontrollable bleeding that left me anemic, low blood pressure and going into shock. I know women on this site that have used it and it worked good for them, but it scared me and the emergency doctor that I seen after taking it. I totally agree with you that I should enjoy this pregnancy. Its not that often in your life you are pregnant and such a special time. Donna, I went through the same thing as you. I have two other children a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son and everyone thinks that its enough. My husband and I love children our main focus is our children and thier happiness. I don't think theres anything wrong with having as many children as you want. I think this will be my last pregnancy, I always wanted four, but I will just be happy with this baby Im carrying and the children I have already. My problem is Im starting to show, but nobody has commented,so I think I might wait until after my 16 week doctors appointment and if I hear a strong heartbeat then (its only 2 weeks tomorrow until 16 weeks). I think Ill wait until Im 20 weeks to tell my kids because there so young and my daughter didnt understand when we lost the last baby. Praying for healthy future babies for all of us!!!


Bohnwin - October 28

To Tara, and all, Definately BABY DUST!!! I hope that all goes well. I'm happy to hear that Tara is 16 weeks. To Donna, I know you are scared. Just relax as much as you can. You don't have an obligation to share anything with anyone that you don't want to until you are ready. Like I told Tara, wait until you are showing and someone comments, or you are ready. The chances of m/c diminish after the first trimester, but they are also decreased after you hear the fetal heartbeat (around 12 or 13 weeks). I wish you what I like to call "mommy luck" and others call "baby dust" although "baby dust" I think refers more to conception to keeping a baby. Keeping you both in my thoughts...


pas - October 29

I've lost 2 babies before. With this 3rd pregnancy I have embra__sed it through the fear. I think that the is the best way to deal w/the fear of losing. I just kept telling myself that I should enjoy what I have and love my baby no matter what. Being afraid and hiding my baby/pregnancy away didn't seem fair to my unborn child. I know how hard it can be and I know that one thing as dumb as it seems is the little supersit_tions that I have held, have helped me too. I know that they no real control but the whole 'false' sense of control makes you feel better : ) I hope the best for you and your baby!


Tara - October 29

Hi ladies thanks for the advice. Im 14 weeks 5 days and already starting to show. Im still going to wait until after my 16 week appointment on November 8 before I tell anyone. I no its unfair to the baby because it should be known by our family if it lives or dies, but there are still those that treated me horrible after I lost my last baby and I just dont need them knowing yet. Im feeling a little more confident as the weeks pa__s, but still would just like to make it past 16 weeks. I rented a doppler and listen to the heartbeat and Im getting really attached to this little one inside me. When I hear its heartbeat I realize theres a real little tiny individual inside me. I so wanted to know my baby that pa__sed and I know you ladies most likely feel the same way with your little ones you lost. I cant move on but feel blessed thats there is a new little baby and I have a chance that things might turn out this time.I pray for healthy little ones for all of us!!


kokybee - October 30

wow! bless your heart, You go girl, have as many babies as you like, after all it is your life, it is your decsion, Iam sure even if your family doesnt know your baby is still showered with love, :) This baby might be president of the untied states, we never know our childrens destinies but they are going to be great,!!!!! praying every thing will be fine!!!!!!!!!


kokybee - October 30

I also was pregnant, (pretty sure i miscarried) and when i told my sister inlaw she acted like she felt sorry for me, then when she found out i miscarried she sounded like she is releived for me, So i feel a tiny part of what you are talking about, i will not tell her again, when i am pregnant, thing is she doesnt want any children at all, I want a lot, I guess we can all learn from insensitive people like that and always understand if a woman has to greive whether it was at 20 weeks or two, God bless


Melissa - November 1

Don't listen to people's hurtful comments, they don't know any better. A baby is a baby is a baby, especially when it is wanted and loved from the start. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks last week. I'm terrible terribly sad but hopeful that I will become pregant again before the end of 2005. If I were you, I'd tell the people close to me. When you finally do give birth, and people are like "I didn't even know you were pregnant" you can shoot back saying "well, after I lost my last pregnancy you were'nt around". Why is it that people only want to hear good news and when it's bad they turn into idiots? No one can say "the right thing" to me. I understand people might feel awkward, but it's the effort that counts. All my friend has to say is "I'm sorry, tell me what I can do for you" and that would be enough. But yeah, most people say to me "at least you were not that far along". Which, yeah I thank God for small favors, but it doesn't mean I don't hurt over this. You will be fine, the baby will be fine and you don't need any fair-weather friends.


Jennifer - November 3

I know how you feel... this is my 4th time trying to have a baby, I'm 13 weeks 4 days and we just told my fiancee's family a few days ago. I am still sitting on pins and needles, and checking the toilet paper for blood. I think the fear will be there until the day I go into labor. But my midwife said that once you are in the 2nd trimester and have heard a healthy heartbeat, your percentage of having a m/c drops to 2% in a normal person. once you have a misscarriage, your percentage of having another goes up, so my rate is estimated at 3.5%. That's still really low. Have you had an ultrasound yet? I know that my 10 week ultrasound was a HUGE relief, because it showed everything in place, and the baby was bouncing around. I really hope that this pregnancy will go really well for you. The main thing is to trust your body. You will probably feel a little better after you can feel the baby moving.


Tara - November 3

Melissa, Im so sorry for your loss. It doesent matter how far along we were these babies were loved and I know how hurtful it is when others dont understand. I bought a pendent right after my miscarriage in June and it has two tiny baby feet and babies birthstone which was December. I wear it all the time only take it off to shower. It has helped me deal with some of the pain. The thing that bothered me was I had never seen the little one, I dont know the s_x the only memory that I have is my 6 week ultrasound and seeing a little peanut with a slow tiny beating heart. I agree with you those that are not good to us don't even need to know about the pregnancy. Thanks for your advice and Im praying for healthy future babies for you. Jennifer,Congratulations on your pregnancy, I know how you feel about checking tolite paper for blood, I do it all the time. I had an ultrasound at 7 weks 1 day and it was just to confim pregnancy and I had another at 8 weeks 4 days and it was because I was so scared something had happened to baby they gave me one to comfort me. I have my big ultrasound on November 29. I rented a doppler and it has really helped calm me when I get paranoid that something is wrong. Today I am 15 weeks 3 days and it seems like this pregnancy is going so slow. Im praying for healthy babies for both of us!


Tara - November 24

I just needed to update this. I have horrible news I am 18.5 weeks pregnant and baby girl is still kicking and heart beating strong, but I will be induced on Friday and sweet little one will die in my arms. She has swelling in her brain and heart and I was told that she will have a zero percent chance of survival after term. The placenta is growing and swelling and causeing my blood pressure to rise and will continue as long as I carry her. I strongly dont believe in terminating a pregnancy, but have been told that if I dont I could die and I still have two small children that need me. This will be my second loss this year and I just hope that I can find some happiness someday.


K - November 29

Tara, I am so sorry. I can not imagine the pain you are and will be going through. I will check this site if you need anybody to listen and lean on.



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