Sisterhood Of Sadness The Club To Which We Belong

16 Replies
snickelfritz - March 10

"I was once a member of the Pregnancy Club, my membership card consisting of two pink lines on a stick. I was eager to pay my dues, just like all the other members. Morning sickness, stretch marks, cravings -- I welcomed them all. But they never came. And before I knew it, my membership was revoked. No real reason -- at least none I could discern -- other than bad timing, perhaps. Or, at least, that's what everyone's been telling me. That and "God's plan." Miscarriage is a terrible word. As if one has dropped something, or carried something incorrectly. Similar to "mistake" or "misunderstanding." How I longed for it to be either of those things when I learned my baby was gone. Surely, it was a mistake, I prayed. If they would just look again, they would learn it was all a simple misunderstanding. But the ultrasound screen showed otherwise. 1 out of every 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, say the books. That statistic terrified me when I was pregnant. So many lost babies, I thought. How can I keep mine from being one of them? But now that mine is one of them, that 1 out of 5 seems awfully small. Or, at least, it did. Until soft-speaking female voices started whispering to me in my grief, "It happened to me, too." Their eyes told me the stories of the pain that we shared, the pain that only a woman who has carried a child - and lost it - could know. For some, it was fresh pain. For others, it was dulled by healthy babies since born. A sisterhood of sadness. It's a silent group, this new club of which I have recently become a reluctant member. Our membership cards are the scars we will always carry on our hearts. Our dues are paid in blood and tears. It is a painful initiation, and one never ceases membership. Because one never forgets. I am joining, not because I want to, but because I wasn't given the choice. But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know there are hundreds of thousands of women with me, however silent and invisible, quietly holding my hand."


leasa - March 10

Gosh. I am fighting back the tears and its hard.... What a lovely piece of writing and also very emotional but soo true. I think that represents us all.. I have sent it to my friend who has recently miscarried - am sure she will understand too. xxx


frankschick2001 - March 10

This was a really nice posting. I remember not so long ago when I was posting on the "discomfort" and "general pregnancy" and "first trimester" forums. It was not that long ago, but it feels like I was there a million years ago.


snickelfritz - March 10

Someone emailed this to me and I just had to share it. It really says so nicely how I feel about this whole horrible thing.


Morrison1 - March 10

I love that. Thank you for sharing. Franks - I remember the same thing. Even today, when I pull up this site, the links for "First Trimester" and "Pregnancy Complications" and "General Pregnancy" are darkly colored in burgundy, reminding me that I used to click on THOSE links. Not the bottom one reading "Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage". It hurts every time.


Suebee - March 10

Snickelfritz..thanks for posting that. It's a really touching and powerful piece of writing.


iakram - March 10

Hi have brought tears to my eyes. It's a really powerful posting and sums up everything I went though in Feb '05. All the best to you wonderful ladies in this time of grief. I thought it would never get better the scar will always stay fresh, but time will heal all wounds. Love and baby dust to all.


Rhiannon - March 10

Wow, that's beautiful. Thank you. I remember when I had my miscarriage a girl from work hugged me and said "welcome to the club." I didn't want to be part of that club, but now after reading people posts I know it 's a club that only the strongest women in the world can belong to. Hold your heads up high and know that this means we all have families waiting for us in heaven.


AshleyB - March 10

Wow, thanks for that, I sent it to my mom, so she might better understand me when I'm having my low days. That poem is sooo true. Thanks you.


Kristine - March 10

I am in tears as i write this. I have not mourned by two angel babies in a few months. It makes me sad to bring those feelings up again but also happy to know I haven't forgotten them. They are still close to my heart.


KimD3 - March 13

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while anywheres, but I had my mc in July 2005 and my baby would have been born on March 3, 2006. I think that sometimes I'm the only one that remembers and it hurts that I have nothing to hold or love and always wondering what if. This was my 3rd preg. I have 2 girls and they are 4 and 5. People are always saying be happy for what you have. Of course I am not a question. But my heart feels like I have a whole and I'm sad that I will never know about the baby that I mc. I cry everytime I get my period and am mad that this happened. Well I hope you all the best of health and good luck if you all are tcc. Lots of baby dust to all!!!!


littleangel - March 13

hi every one, Snickelfritz your poam is lovely, i m/c at 21 wks i went in to labour and delivered my baby girl her name is Kayleigh anne, i held her so close to my heart when she was born and i did not want to let go, it was really hard to do giving her to some one whom i did not know. but i am at peace now i buried her and got her name tattoed on my wrist to symbolize my loss baby, i will never for get her as she was my first. i have just frinshed my 2 af so i hope this mth is mine. baby dust and take care every one. jo :-)


Jennifer28 - March 13

Thanks for that, snickelfritz. I haven't cried in a few days and I think I needed to. Thanks to all of you - on one level or another - for your advice, your tears, for listening to me and for becoming my friend and confidant. I hate that I had to meet all of you wonderful women this way - but if it weren't for you, I would'nt have made it this far. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone and for 'quietly holding my hand'. x x x


snickelfritz - March 14

It really is amazing how people you don't know can become so special during such a sad time. I am really thankful that I've had the internet to help me through my m/c. I really cannot imagine how people ever got through this alone.


newmommy - March 17

Wow. I really thought that I had cried my last cry for this lost baby. This is all just so true and hits so close to home. I wish we all weren't here, for this reason. It just isn't fair. All of us wonderful women deserve a better club.


JuJu - March 18

How absolutely true! One thing I can say; I have never been so proud to belong to any club or team in all my life. I am saddened, but at the same time so honoured to be standing here (metaphorically!!) with you girls!


JuJu - March 18

Snickelfritz.....after reading this and posting last night....I read the poem to my DH just now. And just when I thought I didn't have any more tears! I got half-way through and got so choked up I had to stop. Those last few lines just sum it up for me.



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