Suicidal Please Help Me

9 Replies
Britney - October 27

Hi, if you have read any of my other posts than you would know that approxamately 2 1/2 months ago maybe a little more than that..I had a miscarriage. I was approximately 3 1/2 months or a lil more along. I never went to a doctor to confirm that everything was removed or not because I couldn't go to a doctor for several reasons. I have been extremely depressed and it doesn't seem like it is going to go away. I love my fiancee with all of my heart and he is there fore me 24/7, but this pain will not go away and I donno why. I am to the point where I have considered how i'll end the pain through suicide. I can't take it anymore, and since the pregnancy was a secret I cant talk about it to anyone and it's killing me in side. I feel unfit or something...I donno..I'm sorry if this sounds stupid I just am so freaked out right now. This has nothing to do with my fiancee he is an amazing man and is there for me in every single situation and he has been here to comfort me. I just need advice from a female persepective because I haven't been able to get any from friends b/c the pregnancy was secret. I think that talking about it to someone may help me because not talking about it is driving me mad thanks for your help


JEN - October 27

BRITNEY, Let me tell you what my dr told me. She told me that it would take a few cycles for my hormones to return to normal and boy was she right. I thought I was going to die last week during my first cycle. It was so painful to hear that people around me were pregnant and it still is, but this week has been an amazing difference. I already feel better. I'm sorry that you cannot share your thoughts and feelings with anyone. I don't know anyone who understands either. It's been really hard because most people want to ignore the subject b/c they think it upsets me. it upsets me more when i don't have anyone to talk to. Please don't feel like that is your only answer. Talk to someone. Dr. are confidential!


lisa - October 27

I know it is very hard I was 13.5 weeks when I had my m/c on 9/6, I still think about it each and everyday but it does get better. I know how you feel when you see pregnant woman you think why couldn't that be me I feel the same. But please don't give up hope that someday you to will have a wonderful baby.


stacy - October 27

hi i went thru the same thing i had a miscarriage last year and i still hurt... tis completly normal to feel sad... also u can get postpartum symptoms after a miscarriage too.... u should go to ur dr... legally he isnt allowed to say anything and he can help you out i hope everything works out and god bless


Val - October 27

Hi Britney... I'm sorry about your m/c and that you are so unhappy. You are not unfit (and your comments aren't stupid!), but that is definitely a common feeling after m/c. I was really depressed after I m/c in August, and found that time made it better, but not everyone is the same way. It sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression or something like postpartum depression... You should definitely choose someone to talk to - a friend, family member, doctor, priest, coworker - so that you can have support and help. I'm sure you have many people in your life who love you very much and would be there to help you. I don't know why your pg and m/c had to be secret, and I know that there are many women on this board (including me) who can relate to your pain and your feelings, but if you are suffering from serious depression, you really need to reach out to someone close to you to try to get help. I was able to talk with a lot of people after my m/c and that really helped me get through the pain. Take care of yourself... I'm sending you a huge hug right now. Please write back and let us know how you are doing.


Tanya - October 27

Britney, I know it's so hard right now. Nothing can prepare us for the emotions that we face with a loss. I lost my boy at 17 weeks. I thought I was losing my mind. I'd want to talk about it, yell about it, cry about it, but didn't there was no one close to me to do that with. My husband and father listened but it got to the point where I felt like I was overwhelming them with my grief. My mom pa__sed away 3 yrs ago with cancer. Oh, how I wished she was here to talk to. I finally gained the strength to try to step back into reality. They were baby steps that first month, with lots of set backs, but gradually I was able to cope. This site is wonderful for you to vent and deal with your sadness, fears, frustrations, every emotion that circles you. Writing for me has been somewhat like therapy. You have to get it out. Please write to us and talk to your doctor. I personally didn't take an anti-depressant medicine. I tried it for a week and I felt like I was struggling with myself over control of my emotions, but I know it does help a lot of women - even if it's for a short time. I agree with Jen, our hormones are so strong. That with emotions is so unbearable, but give it a little time. Eventually you'll be able to cope. Things won't ever be the way they were before, but you will be a more compa__sionate person through all this. I promise. I want to know everyone's story now. I think it helps with dealing with our own. I pray you will have some peace soon. As hard as this is for us, God's plan is always greater than our own. Sometimes we don't know the reason for things and we may never know. But His timing has meaning, please trust in that. Everything and everyone has a purpose, no matter how brief it may seem. Please let me know if you need to talk more. Take good care of yourself!


--nymous - October 27

Hi Britney..I know what u mean about suicidal..and end it all..I was in big trouble with something that I can't discuss, but it will have a negative affect me for rest of my that time my wife was pregnant..I neglect my wife..Didn't take care of her well and make much trouble with her..I was not able to sleep..I would be awake in middle of night through a mad man because my trouble..I thought about suicide constantly and try few times..I felt into a crazy deep depression..but finally I was able to get out of it because I start working..and able to put my negative thoughts into positive keep busy working, start to enjoy life again like see movies with my wife, eat at restaurant, outing..but my wife miscarriage at 13 wks (heart stop beating) and I tell u it was devasted..All hope were this day I still think about it..and I think I play a part of causing the miscarriage by not take care of my wife and cause her stress...I also think of end my life sometime because I find life too hard...have to make money to live, try to TTC but have to much trouble so far, and I will have many many trouble ahead of me...but I still have many years to live..and hope to have a child one day...So listen are in a very negative thought right now, and in deep depression, but this will pa__s..provide u give yourself a chance..Suicide is not a way to go..Your soul will be very unhappy in another dimension, and you will linger in guilt and sadness because you take your own life, and not die naturally..You still young...the hurt will pa__s, and one day you will have your family and your children...and happiness..and you will look back and say how silly were u to think about suicide..It doesn't solve anything..Think about how much hurtness it will cause to your family & BF..It's a very selfish act..Remember, there are people worse than you..always..look, u not starving, not poor and don't have any sickness right?? There are people in hospital suffering, there are people with disease like Aids, there are people who suffer tragedie like the earthquake in India...but life continue..I remember watching a television show this guy living in an quaranteen island..he is old, almost toothless and have disease..much fingers almost gone..eye can't barely see..just living his remainder days..and the reporter ask if he consider suicide, and he say Yes, many times..but now he just enjoy the sunshine, the sound of nature..You see? He will never have a family nor anyone care/love him but he still survive..So you are much much better than him...Give yourself a chance and be positive..The pain/trouble WILL PASS...and you will go on in life..and will have your own children..just all of us on this board try to have our own babies..


SAJ - October 27

If you kill your self, you cant try again. And thats the great thing( the only great thing) about this. YOU CAN TRY AGAIN. Think about it, there a millions of things that you cant try agian at in life. You have with you more knowledge now. You know your body and you know what to expect. You can try agian. This web site is filled of women that this has happened to, and the only thing that gives us all hope is that fact that YOU CAN TRY AGAIN. You have a man that loves you and that is rare. Yes I said it......rare. Hold on to that and try again. Many men get freaked out about this whole thing and cant keep it together. You are not alone. AND YOU CAN TRY AGAIN. IF IT DOES NOT HAPPEN THE FIRST MONTH..............TRY AGAIN........AND IF IT DOES NOT HAPPEN THE NEXT MONTH............TRY AGAIN. NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR SELF. I dont know you, but you are worth every blessing that these other people with kids have.So focus on TRYING AGAIN,!!!!!!


shaletta - November 1

Hi Britney, Ihave lost two children. A boy and a girl. I have an incompetant cervix. At the time i didn't know it. My cervix is too weak to carry the weight of the baby. So at about 4 months it causes me to go into labor. It took a stranger to tell me what the problem was. I had the same doctor during both pregnancies, with the 1st one i lost (the boy) i had an ultrasound on a monday and everything was fine, so the doctor said. Two days later, on wednesday i went into labor. He weighed only a pound. The doc. said,"These things happen." wasn't my fault, but, i know now that things happen for a reason. Never accept that from your doctor. Not even two months later i was pregnant again, with the girl, same thing , at 4 months i went into labor, she was 1 1/2 pounds. My husband and i were devastated. I was hard on myself. I felt like less of a woman. Thought something was wrong with me. I was sooo depressed. I felt like committing suicide. I even felt that my husband deserved to be with someone else who could provide him with children, i tried to push him away. Thank god it did not work. It took me two years to get pregnant again. We had just moved to another side of town, i started spotting 1 day, i didn't go to my doc. this time. Because of the move i went to the nearest hospital. It changed my life. The doctor who was on duty at the hospital saw me, i told her my history, i didn't know her from adam, a total stranger. She said, after hearing my story that it sounded like i had an incompetant cervix. She said that my doctor should have recognized this. I never went back to him after that day. She referred me to a doctor, a wonderful man, Dr. Holt. I saw him the next morning. He explained that he could do a routine procedure to save my baby. I was willing to do anything. I received a cerclage (a st_tch used to close the cervix) to prevent me from going into labor. It worked and my bgeautiful daughter will be 3 November 25th, the friday after Thanksgiving. and I am currently 9 months pregnant due Thanksgiving Day. So their birthdays will be together. Its another girl, I didn't have any complications, at all during this pregnancy. So Britney, please hang in there, I know what your going thru. I've hyad to bury 2 babies, i miss them dearly. And when my girls get older i'll tell them all about my 2 angels. God bless you sweetie, keep your head up


Melissa - November 1

I too recently had a miscarriage, although not as far along as you. I am very sorry. I know it's so painful. But killing yourself is DEFINITELY NOT the way to deal with this. You WILL get pregnant again if that is what you want. Why was the pregnancy a secret? Just not ready to tell anyone at that time? Maybe you can confide in one good close friend, and tell her everything. You don't have to keep the miscarriage a secret just because the pregnancy was. You can tell her everything from the beginning and what you've been dealing with. I'm sure she can still be there for you even though she didn't know about your pregnancy. Lots of women wait until 4 or more months before telling anyone. Next time, I am going to wait until I am over 4 months because "un-telling" people has been awful!! This is a process and you can do this!!! You are a woman and you are built tough! As far as having people understand, it's difficult to find because most of the time they say stupi dthings like "at least you were'nt that far along" or "it happens". Most people think that since the baby was not born yet, that it isn't really that big of a loss. For me personally, yes, I am grateful that it didn't happen further down the line, but that is my ONLY consolation. Other than that, this is a very lonely feeling, even with a supportive fiance. But I am trying to draw on the strength that God gave me when he made me female!! Believe me, you may not think so, but just by being born a woman, you were implanted with emotional STEELE!!!! Only the strongest can be a woman!! Grab onto that and use it, it's there inside of you!



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