The Clean Slate Part 4

94 Replies
stefkay - March 11

Please join in whether you're grieving, waiting, actively ttc again or if you just want to lend support!!!


sososleepy - March 11

Hi Stefkay. Welcome to the tww, perhaps.. odd, you're waiting for the tww. Hey, don't sweat the swimmers too much - remember how many were happy strong well shaped swimmers, and count on one of those to make it. Robyn, congrats on being in the panty-liner free world again. Feels better, doesn't it? Yes, I'd go for the RE on that one absolutely too! I'm glad my doc did it in a hospital now; I would NOT have done well with that at all. No news, no +opk, minimal ferning (yup, back to spitting on the slides for a few days; curious), and dh is ducking me on cp/cm pix but I'm gonna go bug him until I get a__sistance after I post this. You'd think he'd like to help there? (Do wish I could type tone of voice & volume on that last line!) Lol, I can't keep up either; I open notepad or Word or OpenOffice, make the window small and place it in front of what you guys type, and work down from my last post. Cheating? Sort of, but it works. Yikes LanaK. I do hope you feel better very soon. OOH, I stopped thinking about how far I'd be now. I had it all worked out to the hour (countdown) on the fridge, and the first thing I did was toss that (still have the file on the pc somewhere). I'm feeling bad enough without that kind of torture! Wish I could steer you toward happier thoughts Lana! I'm heading over to part 4 now...


Ella82 - March 11

Hi Ladies, havent been on in a while. Just waiting waiting waiting for my first af to arrive i expect to see her in around 2 weeks. I want to get back into the ttc game i have my "sperm meets egg plan" and all my vitamins and opks just waiting to be used. I have a couple of updated pics on my FF site home/ella822 (not charting at the moment) Take care all xxx


sososleepy - March 11

Hi Ella. Cute pix! I remember when I had a figure... you've inspired me to do a few sit-ups... I hope af comes fast so you can hop back into the ttc! I just p'd on another clearly negative opk, which I expected... so no news from my neck of the woods.


Whisper - March 11

Hello ladies... I haven't been on my computer much, been lazing around watching movies and feeling sorry for myself, lol, but I'm trying to pull myself together and am feeling better now. I figure life is too short to continuously do this to myself. I'm still having all these crazy symptoms and stuff. I'm also finding myself peeing a lot more often again, and I also noticed a lot more sensitivity down there the last 2 times my DH and I were active.. sorry if TMI! Its just so strange that I would be having all these symptoms again and not be pregnant. The only difference is that, like I said before, there is no pain or discomfort in my b___sts at all, and that was very strong before, so I dunno. I guess its still possible its all in my head, who knows. I'm also getting all emotional again, like crying over goofy commercials and stuff like that. I think I just need my head examined, lol. I also got really upset over someone stealing a package from my mailbox, it was just a $5 ink cartridge for my printer, but still it really made me mad and upset. Like, DH saw it in the mailbox but didnt bring it in, and it wasnt there when I went out for the mail, and I live on a street with a school so its a common problem that they steal things on their way home, which they pa__s right by our mailbox and take things as they please.. yet they wont let us have our mailbox on our porch, grrr, but i digress.... sorry bout that. anyway yeah, i feel very strange, and really wondering why, lol. Guess I'll take another test in a few days, just dont want to see the - and get more upset :/. Le sigh. So how is everyone else doing? I always feel like I'm going to ramble on too much!


ROBYN - March 11

Afternoon ladies my Nascar race was on so i am not typing during my race its the only thing i look forward to on Sunday is race day. Anyway LANA - if anyone understand what you are going thru its me. What are the chances of 2 people coming across the internet and losing our babies to a fluke? I know it completely sucks. Somedays are better than other i saw my sister for the 1st time in weeks today and she is 6 months and was 7 weeks ahead of me. I almost cried but i held it together i dont want to be jealous but if i could say of any emotion i am going thru right now jealousy is the one that stands out the most. She looks completely pregnant when i saw her last she was still wearing regular clothes and was half the size of me. So seeing her today was a little rough. But its my sister and she has no fault with what happened to me. Its just the cards I have been dealt with. Anyway I need to read the posts. I am getting my son ready for bed I will be back.


tiffany79 - March 11

Hello all! I will be in the ttc agian very soon.. af is visiting (finally!) however..tomorrow is mine and my dh 2nd yr anniversary..such luck w/ af here tho. URG!! About 2 weeks.. then bd'ng will begin!! :-)


duckiec - March 12

Hi all - not much to report here either. I suppose I'm about to jump into the TWW, but the only chart I used was the calendar and some guesswork on CM so I guess we'll see. I tried to sign up for fertilityfriend today- it wouldn't let me. Oh well. Today will be another busy day, but thinking about everyone, and trying NOT to think about everything at the same time, if that makes sense...


ROBYN - March 12

hey girls, nothing exciting here to report. I have to update some blood work tomorrow morning for IVF thats the most excitement. My husband has to go as well and get 5 viles taken. Ha ha to him. I only need 2. I am happy i am no longer spotting at all so i seem to be officially done with that which is a good thing. DUCKIE - awhile ago i tried to get on fertility friend also and it wouldnt let me. I dont know whats up with the website i thought it was just me guess not. TIFFANY congrats on your 2nd anniversary my 1st anniv is coming up in May i cant beleive it already. WHISPER i am glad your feeling better. One day at a time thats all you can do. I realized that its so much easier to be depressed and in a funk that try and be positive and realize we have no control over these things. I am trying my hardest to be positive. I have my moments where i just break down and cry and i feel sorry for myself and I blame myself and world for losing this baby. I wonder what i would be feeling at this point i would be about 18 weeks now. But i wasnt meant to have this pregnancy so the next one will work and it will work for you also. You will get thru this. We have a great support system on this thread and each one of you have helped me more than you could ever imagine.


stefkay - March 12

Hi girls! Well, ff gave my solid crosshairs today for O which I never got in the past, so that is cool. Of course we didn't bd that day (go figure). We got the day before and the day My temps aren't way up like they usually are at 3dpo though. Now I guess I am in the tww, but don't really feel like I'm waiting for anything so let me know if any of you are in it too. I can't keep up! Ella, that is funny about the "sperm meets egg plan"...I too have stocked up on all my vitamins, etc. and planned to take it on with a vengeance next month. This month was kind of a last minute thing because my testing got cancelled. sososleepy, aren't you almost in the tww? I wish you had a chart I could stalk!!! Whisper, man I don't know what to think about all the symptoms, etc. I really hope you can find out something soon. Maybe just the stress of the whole m/c has pushed everything back? I don't know??? Robyn, my heart broke when I read that about your sister....I just can't imagine how that felt. I think I posted recently about how the jealousy is the worst for me now and it is a horrible feeling. I would just die if my sister told me she was pregnant, but it would hurt even worse b/c I'd know that I should feel happy for her.... :-( Oh! and my dad is a NASCAR fanatic! It's so funny...I can't even talk to him on race days. He got into it when one of my best friends from middle school through high school started racing. My dad was also close to his mom as they taught school together. I feel kind of bad that I don't watch the races because of that but I just don't get into them. Tiffany, didn't think I'd ever say this before I came to this forum, but congrats on AF!!!! Duckie, oh I want you to get a chart! What did FF say when you tried to get one? That is is free unless you want the VIP options and that costs. Maybe I can try to figure it out. Ok....gotta get some work done, but I'll be back!


stefkay - March 12

Robyn, looks like we posted at the same time :-) I wanted to say after reading your last post that I am so excited for you to get it this go round...what is so cool is that it WILL work out this time! You know so much about your and your husbands health by doing IVF and have so much control of the quality of everything so you really are so many steps ahead of the rest of us, you know? I mean, I wish I could know everything will work for us again when I get pg, but I just don't know. It just feels like for me that I have a 50/50 chance of miscarrying and that doesn't make me feel to ;-) I have to be positive though.....*sigh*


sososleepy - March 12

Hi Whisper. No, that isn’t tmi, in fact, dh and I noticed it puffy there, as in harder to get in, just before we figured out that we were pg (before mc, when we’d tried for months and I’d quit watching the dates and paying attention). I’ve wondered about that since, and now I’m thinking it’s a good sign for you? Sorry about the mail – that rots! Hey Robyn, who won the race? Happy anniversary tiffany. Hi duckiec. I used Microsoft excel, darkened the borders…. Graph paper works well too. Stef, I think the day before is better than the day of – it means you have happy swimmers waiting that got in place before the O. I’ve been trying to find out what time of day women usually O, but the info is slim. Anyone know? I hope you get your bfp this time! Oops, out of time, back this evening.


stefkay - March 12

Hi girls, it's been a rough long day...Monday's usually are with work and stuff. This is so stupid, but I got an email from someone I went to high school with and only because she hit reply all when she sent it back to a close friend of mine who had sent out a ma__s email asking for addresses. She proceeded in the email to tell her about all of the girls I went to school with and their cute babies, blah blah blah.....god, I should be happy for these people, but I just got a huge sickening surge of jealousy that is making me feel like c___p. Dbf and I are fighting, so it's making it all worse. Sorry I couldn't bring some sunshine on here this afternoon, but I had to get that out. I called my mom (ok, I should have known this was nota good idea) and we get along awesome, but she never seems to make me feel better when I am upset. When I told her how I'm feeling today she was sympathetic, but then goes on to say maybe we (me and dbf) aren't meant to be together and on and on....i could just scream right now.


ROBYN - March 12

Hey girls sorry i havent posted all day had to go to City Hall and finalize where we are putting my retirement money and i also contributed to a deferred compensation plan and am cashing that in so some extra money coming in till i start hopefully part time. SLEEPY - Jimmy Johnson won the race but i am Dale Jr fan. STEF - sometimes i think knowing too much can hurt too. Yes i am fortunate enough to get all this testing done and know whats going on completely but it also has its down fall. You depend so much on numbers and levels and follicles and when you can start its over whelming but when trying naturally you just screw your other half and its done. LOL. But hey i have a 50/50 chance that this wont work next time so i just hope that the RE continues to feel as confident as he does and i will take it one step at a time. Oh my OB called out of blue today left a message on our answering machine saying i am just checking on you youre in my thoughts. So I called him back and he said that he was truly concerned and felt so bad that we lost the pregnancy but it continues to bother him. I told him we already saw the RE and were given the go ahead. He was thrilled and said he looked forward to seeing me pregnant again and sent his love. I am truly blessed with wonderful doctors and they truly cared that also helps me get thru this. So we have several 2ww's coming up if i understand correctly Stef and Sleepy? STEF - as for my sister she was 7 weeks ahead of me and looking very pregnant now i was not jealous at all honestly. I finally did though have the courage to see her and I was fine. My goal is to be pregnant by the the time my sister has the baby which she is having a c-section last the week in june. But she is really due July 7th. So if my transfer is June 9th then i would know positive or negative by the due date. So i will be on pins and needles those two weeks. Anyway 24 is coming on i will be back later if not then in the morning.


Cerulean - March 12

Hi ladies! I would like to join your group. I am currently in the 2ww. I have had 2 miscarriages. One in April 06' at almost 9w and the last one was a chemical pg on Feb. 9th. I was not "actively" TTC this month as I just miscarried, but I was only pregnancy for about 4 days so I didn't really feel like I had to wait. This is also my first month charting so I have spent many, many hours comparing my chart to all the others. =) Well, according to FF I O'd on CD if that is correct, it puts me at 4dpo. Anyone else in the 2ww, I would love the company! =)


stefkay - March 12

Hi Cerulean! Glad you are joining us! I'm so sorry about the last miscarriage. i actually read a lot on here and although I don't always post I read about your bfp and then your m/c and it broke my heart. It's funny how excited we can get for each other even though we have never met or spoken! :-) I am also in the tww and I think tomorrow is 4 dpo for me! I'm not feeling to confident about this month, but hey, we were able to try. I don't feel fully healthy yet as I'm still downing the diet cokes like they are going out of style and although I quit smoking as soon as I got my last bfp and was able to do it easily, I started again the day I found out I was going to m/c. I feel so guilty about it, but I've been smoking up a storm since then with every intention to quit the month we start ttc again which was going to be April. Well I got to start a bit early due to some testing that got cancelled and I haven't quit yet. I'm feeling really guilty about it as I know it has a lot of negative effects on fertility (conceiving, implantation, the works), I really want to put it down like NOW since I am in the tww and would love to see a bfp in two weeks. I just feel like this month is so stressful and that is what I tend to resort to when I start to feel the stress. Soooo, sorry I'm rambling about it, just am feeling the need to unload today for some reason. Allrighty then...we get to start obsessing over symptoms or lack of them for the next, oh, 12 days...ha ha...I actually feel like I've had on an off cramping since o which was a sign I had with the last pregnancy, but I've also had a stress induced upset stomach for the last couple of days too, so who knows! I think I'm off to immerse myself in a book now as it always puts me right to sleep....hugs to you all!


sososleepy - March 13

Hi Stefkay. I hope today was better! Hey Robyn, I’m sorry your guy didn’t win the race for ya. Yup, I see your point on the numbers, but I’m sure glad I’ve got them! I should O tomorrow (+OPK 1:30 pm today) and I got swimmers yesterday AND the day before !! Yippeee! Guess what I’m planning for tonight. I like that your OB called. It’s extremely rare to have a doc that cares enough to do that; they bill like lawyers. Yup, tww coming soon; I just need to see if I feel any twinges tomorrow and then confirm with temps… Welcome Cerulean. Hummm – you’re 4 dpo, I’m (best guess) 1dbo (day before O). I’ll race you to the hpt’s! Are you an early tester or a patient person? Stef, you and Cerulean are both 4dpo… that’s easier to remember (smiles). When are you testing? I’m still smoking too. What kind of books do you read? I like to fall asleep reading. Lately I’ve been reading a lot of teen novels with my daughter. It’s fun to be able to talk about stuff she likes, and one of them actually kept me up until 2:30 am when I reached the last page. It was a fantastic fun read…. (and/or I had too much iced tea too late in the day). I hope you feel better soon!



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