Trying Again After Stillbirth

147 Replies
ashey - May 20

my name is ashley and i lost my sweet little baby girl madelyn brooke at 38 weeks due to a knot in her umbilical cord.i got pregnant with her after a tubal reversal that left me with only one tube.i have one living child who is 8.i found out my daughter had passed the day of my scheduled csection.i had a ultrasound and stress test 5 days prior.her heart went from 146 to 199 to 90 to 166.i remember becouse i thought somthing was wrong but they said it was normal.i am currently ttc again.my loss was 1-28-05.i am on clomid 100mg cd 1-5.i need support and someone to talk to.i am very sad but trying to achieve my dream of holding a baby in my arms.i was so close.i know how you all feel.any loss is horrible and its harder having to start all over again.thanks for reading,ashley

 

Davida - May 20

Hello Ashley! I am sorry for your great loss. We lost our little girl at 34 weeks 6/15/04. Her heart stopped just before we were set to great her from a c-section. It was the most devasting time for us. We are currently 14 wks pregnant and had our first formal ultrasound today which showed the baby moving and that he/she is growing normally. Naturally we are very happy but at the same time we often think of our little girl and all that was lost with her. She is on our minds and in our hearts everyday as we move forward and prepare to welcome this new baby! God bless you and your family in the days and months to come as you try to achieve your dream of a healthy baby!

 

Ri Ri - May 25

Hi all, I was brought to tears (again) while reading your posting. I also lost my baby girl this year. I was in a car accident the morning of mar 22..It wasn't a bad accident. I was in a suv and so was the guy who hit me. When I finally went to the hospital 1 1/2 hours later..they couldn't find a heart beat. They tried for over an hour with different equipment..just trying to hear it. So finally I called my husband and they called my doctor. When they pulled her up on the ultrasound machine. She was so still that we knew instantly. That was the worst moment in my life. I have twin girls - 2 years old who I had thru a c-section. I delivered Aliyah naturally. The doctor was very careful. I had her the next day..so they declared the 23rd as date of death. It was a hemorrage in her umbilical cord. They can totally say that it was or wasn't the car accident that caused it. I had an in office exam the week before and they could hear the heart beat. I was/am devastated. I've had so many feelings. Guilt because I wanted a boy (even with the twins)..guilt because I should have gone to the hospital immediately (she was 26 weeks - fully developed). angry because the kid hit me and I didn't even get a police report ..and I've been in accidents before...I think my pregnancy hormones kept me from thinking straight...I could go on.. They kept me sedated the whole time I was in the hospital. I couldn't stop screaming. I thought I was losing my mind. I want my baby so badly. I will stop now because I'm fighting back tears and it's been 2 months. I want another child also. This time I could care less if it's a boy or girl. This experience definitely taught me that. I feel both of your pain. You were even closer than me. You are strong women. My girls have kept me distracted a lot. I still want another baby but I know it won't replace my baby girl.

 

Davida - May 26

Ri Ri: I am sorry for your loss as well. I absolutely feel your pain and completely understand your feelings of guilt. Like you, I have two girls and was dissapointed when I found out I was having #3! I remember thinking, not another girl! I often thought of all the things I could have done differently. Did I always take my vitamins and eat well enough. I struggled with my blood pressure and some of the pills made me sick so I didn't always take them but in the end it was not my decision to make. God took her because she was so perfect! Too perfect for this world! She is in a perfect place keeping careful watch over us and especially this new baby! Do not think that anything you did or did not do caused you to lose your little girl because if anyone had asked you to lose an arm to save her, I know that you would have! You will have another baby when you feel the time is right so for now I would let my little girls distract me and just enjoy them and feel proud that you have a perfect angel watching over you and your family too! God Bless you!

 

RiRi - May 27

Thank you. Your words are very encouraging. I can't wait to feel another baby inside of me again. I know I will never take such a blessing for granted ever again. May your pregnancy and your family be blessed as well!

 

bridge - May 29

Hello all, We had a stillborn baby boy on 1-26-05. No cause found. I was a scheduled c-section and upon arrival no heartbeat found. Dr. said he had died 6-8 hours prior to our arrival (during the night). I am sorry for your loss. I know the pain. I am blessed with three other successful pregnancies and healhy boys, but, I grieve EVERYDAY for my angel. We are trying again, but I am afraid and I DO NOT want our baby boy to think I would ever try to replace him. That could NEVER happen. Good Luck to you and may baby dust come your way!!

 

Valerie - June 16

Hello! I am sorry for all your loses - I recently lost my beautiful baby boy on June 1st, 2005 at 26 weeks - there is no answered questions as of yet as to why - I stopped feeling movement and went to the hospital and there was no longer a heartbeat. I felt guilty for wanting a girl, I felt guilty for taking a trip to California shortly before and for losing my baby. It helps to read everyone's stories and I wish that each of you is able to conceive successfully again - I hope to. I would like to hear from others re: how long they are waiting before trying again - success stories, etc. Thank you.

 

RiRi - June 17

Well as for me, I'm not necessarily "trying" but I have not used any birth control since I lost my daughter. I prayed on it and figure if it's meant for me to have another baby, then I will be blessed with one. I will definitely not take the next pregnancy for granted. I mean I still yearn for a baby. I think this time, I don't even want to know the s_x. I know people who have done this and never understood why. Now I know. You just want to appreciate having the baby no matter what s_x it is.

 

Ashley - June 23

Hi I just saw your story. I am so sorry. My name is Ashley,too. I too lost my baby girl @ 38 weeks. Emily Kay. It was 5 days before my due date she was delivered 5-24-05. I had awful headaches and was going to my apt. and they could not find the heartbeat. I can not think of anythig worse to have to go through. I hope you are well and wish all the luck. My placenta had calcified and the cord was around her neck. be strong we will have a baby. God owes us. Just keep faith, He must have a plan. Hope our little angels meet in heaven. take care.

 

Eza - June 24

hi everyone... just wanted to let you know that there is a website for our little angels if your interested. you can submit their name, date of birth and even a picture if you would like. Its www.missingangel.org/

 

Angelia - June 30

Hi Ashey I read your story and am sorry for your loss. I delivered a stillborn daughter at 42 (my first to term) andI had the emply arm syndrome too. I remember those heart stats that you've indicated as well. Trust and know that God knows your heart. I am a living witness. He will give you the desires of your heart. I'm praying for you.

 

Gitelle - July 3

I can really feel your pain since I lost my son Daniel at 39 weeks on 6/26/04-- cause unknown. I could not even think of trying again at that time since my husband was on medication for newly diagnosed arthrits and it can cause birth defects. hes been off it for 3.5 months now and we have to wait another 2.5 months for it to clear his system. Still, as it gets closer, I am getting more and more nervous. I am having a lot of dreams about pregnancies where I either don't deliver or the delivery is complicated. I would like to know what the standard precautions are that doctors take following a to-term stillbirth that has no apparant cause. Can anyone help me? Thanx

 

riri - March 25

Hi Everyone, it's been a year and a few days since I lost Aliyah. Since I last posted my msg in 2005, I have been pregnant again and had a miscarriage a couple of months later. I won't even get into that horrible experience of events. I was so elated at being pregnant again only to experience another "unexplained" loss. Since then I have relocated to Houston and found a new doctor. She ran a series of tests on me and found out I have a rare problem called Protein S defiency which causes clotting. During pregnancy I need to have shots to thin my blood to ensure a successful pregnancy. I was so relieved to know that there is a reason behind these events and to not just accept the "those things just happen" excuse that I was given over and over. I am being transferred to a specialist by my doctor. This time "before" I get pregnant. I think the care of your physician plays an important role in the success of your pregnancy in some circ_mstances. The test ran on me was a simple blood test. Actually she ran a lot of blood tests (9 tubes of blood), but I like the fact that she was thorough. I called my original physician and told her the findings. She said that she usually doesn't run those tests until after 3 problems/miscarriages. Isn't that something. Who's to say that my last pregnancy couldn't have been a successful one. I will never know now but I feel that now I am in better hands. Please ask about the test if no one has mentioned it. I pray that 2006 brings bundles of blessings to all of you.. RiRi

 

JuJu - March 26

riri; I am so sorry for the series of tragic events that you have been through over the past couple of years- what you have experienced is just devastating. I am so glad that you have a reason for your losses - and that it is something the docs can work on for you. I have not suffered a stillbirth, and I can't even begin to understand the grief that you and your Dh must have suffered. This year I have had 2 miscarriages, the first in very early January at 8 weeks and the second in March, at about 7 weeks. I completely agree with what you said about having a good doctor; at the time of the 2nd m/c my Dh, DD and I were living overseas, but we decided to relocate back to Australia in order to be taken care of by my own doc. And it was a good decision - he is not waiting for the usual 3 m/c's to happen before they run tests (it's not until you have had 3 m/c's that they cla__s you as 'recurrent'!) - he is running them now, which I am very grateful for. Anything to avoid having another m/c if possible! They are running tests on both my lost little bean/placenta (taken in D&C) and I also had 13 (!!!) vials of blood taken last week. I am hoping that they are able to ascertain the cause of my m/c's - I know it doesn't protect me from further m/c, but it can only help! Mandy; so nice to cross paths with you again - so happy that you are in the 2nd trimester!!

 

riri - March 27

Mandy, check out this forum - http://www.protein.org.uk/forum/index.php?showforum=5. I started reading thru the postings over the weekend. It's very helpful. I haven't been to the doctor since they called me and told me my results. They are transferring my files to a high risk pregnancy doctor. So, I really haven't discussed it in depth yet. I do have a lot of questions though. I am sorry for your losses. I will pray for a successful pregnancy for you and a healthy and happy baby! Hang in there. JuJu, I also read on another site that the doctor usually doesn't test until after 3 miscarriages. What type of guidelines are they following anyway?? I don't think they realize how stressful and depressing it is to experience child loss. So to purposely wait until after 3 losses is just uncomprehendable. Just like you said, it won't guarantee me a successful pregnancy but at least it gives me hope. Next time I won't complain about 9 tubes of blood. :o) I wish you the best as well. Please keep us posted and I'll do the same. RiRi

 

LB - March 27

Hello ladies, i am so so sorry for your loss, noone knows the pain of stillbirth unless you have been there yourself it is all so devestating. I had a stillbirth last sept i was 24 weeks along and went into preterm labour with my son, he was so healthy but so little that he just couldn't have made it. It has left our family devestated and we are still trying to come to terms with this, i am the first one in my family to have ever had a loss this late in pregnancy. We have been trying to concieve since then but still no luck. I have been to the doctors and after many many blood tests i have been diagnosed with pcos, which explains why i have not had a period in a few months. I was given provera and clomid to help me along. I will be taking clomid tommorrow and hopefully this will work. I want so much to be pregnant again but the thought of it scares me as well, because there was no reason for my preterm labour, and they will only monitor me more closely in any future pregnancies.

 

JuJu - March 27

LB; very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little boy. Just wanted to give you hope; I have several friends who have pcos or other issues...who were put on Clomid and they all had babies. It sometimes takes a little while though, so don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately. RiRi; I can't believe they usually leave it for 3 m/c's before they test either; 2 is enough!! I am going to see my OB next Tuesday, which will be 3.5 weeks after my D&C - hopefully they will have the majority of the results by then. I am very nervous just thinking about it; trying to prepare myself for anything, but still trying to be positive. How about you? Mandy, how are you tracking this week?

 

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