Two Children With Down Syndrome Should I Try Again

84 Replies
Sally - May 5

I'm 43 and was able to get pregnant twice in the last 4yrs. Both of the babies had down syndrome and I had late term abortions. My husband wants to keep trying for a healthy baby but I don't think I can bare to lose another child. Does anyone know what the chances of me having another child with Down Syndrome. My husband keeps saying the third time will be a charm.

 

Sorry - May 5

Why not consider adoption? Honestly I can't imagine TTC and then considering an abortion if everything didn't go my way. Would you have an abortion if you knew your child would be blind or missing a limb, where would you draw the line? Please, please consider adoption.

 

Sally - May 5

My husband only wants to have blood related children. I don't think we could test for blindness in utero, but we could tell if it was missing a limb. If it was missing more than one limb we would probably terminate again.

 

to sally - May 5

hi sally, it's a shame you didn't want to keep the babies. Fortunately, it's your choice, so I wish you all the best and pray that you have a healthy baby this time around. I would hate to hear that you had to kill another child just because he/she was not 'normal'. I am very sorry I know you posted on this site to get some good advice. But it just aches my heart when people think they are God and abort babies they do not deem fit. Perhaps having one of your children would have changed your life, gave you meaning something that you were seaching in your life. I miscarried naturally but the Dr's also belived that my baby was suspected of having Downs syndrome. If I had not had the miscarriage I would certainly have kept the baby - however the baby would be, it is a blessing from God and it is life that we must cherish not abort. Again Sally I wish you all the best, perhaps your husband is right third time will be a charm.

 

To Sally - May 5

what would happen if you or your husband would lose a limb or two?

 

to sally - May 5

Hi sally can i just say how sorry iam for your losses and for what it;s worth i think you did the right thing.It may be along shot but have you considered having gene testing and IVF at least this way there would be some kind of regulated help for you rather than putting your self through another late abortion. There is also the early test in preg around about 12 weeks out there now to detect this gene early for high risk. I know it would be a expensive but i'm sure it would be worth peace of mind. I'm sure you are not alone and plently of dr's would understand your situation. I really feel for you sally and hope you do have a healthy baby.Good luck.

 

phylis - May 6

To those who are preaching to Sally, have you had to take care of a Downs Syndrome child? They are not always very healthy and don't have a long-life span and not everyone is capable of raising a special needs child. Know your facts. Also, "God" would not you HUMANs to make these judgments--that is not your business. Read the Bible again, too. Sally, you should talk to your doctor about this issue, this is something a medical professional help you with.

 

to phylis - May 6

It's not so much a matter of preaching, she asked a question on a public forum, she will get bad advice and some good advice. While I agree raising the Downs baby is difficult (i had a cousin who had it) but the ultimate decision is not YOURS to make. Read the bible, read the torah, read the Quran!!!!! You cannot take a life without facing consequences. God makes decisions on who is to live and for how long. And I don't think anyone of us said that it's easy to rasie a Down's baby. If you read the 3rd post (that's me) I indicated that the miscarriage I recently had - the DR suspected the baby was a down's baby .... if I had not lost the baby I would have kept it! I certainly wouldn't be prepared but I would educate myself on this. He or she would have every right to live as much as you or I would. And again I was not telling her or preaching with her...I even emphasized with her!!!!!

 

phylis - May 6

well, some people on here are preachy. using your logic, if God makes the decisions who lives or dies, than God wanted her to have an abortion, otherwise, wouldn't God have intervened, if the baby was supposed to live? Whatever. She probably should not post something like that on here anyway. It is a forum for women who have had miscarriages, not women who had abortions.

 

to sally - May 6

I'm sorry people had to be this mean and negitive. You did what you felt you had to do. Being your age I might have done the same thing. Keep you rchin up and don't give up!

 

to sally - May 7

im sure you did what u felt was the right thing for you and it is your choice..you are the one who has to live with your decisions . I too believe that we are given situations in life to enable us to grow as people and sometimes children with any kind of special needs also come to us to learn from grow with and adore. I think that if you do try again you may want to get what you are given and see what happiness a child ( special or otherwise ) can bring. Tests can give you an insight into a condition and time to prepare for your childs special needs..chances are it will be "normal" next time.

 

to everyone - May 7

Please calm down. This site is for helping each other no matter who we are and where we come from or what we do believe in or don't believe in keep an open mind and don't make it personal. We all know what it is ilke to need help or advise not to be judge and jury.

 

Rebecca - May 9

I cannot believe how inconsiderate some people can be. I decided to get on these websites to seek help from woman who have been thru the loss of a baby. I gave birth to a beautiful (stillborn) baby boy at 21 weeks. At the suggestion of both my specialist and gynocologist we made an appointment to induce labor. My Dr. told me that he had not seen an ultrasound that looked as bad as mine in many many yrs. The few that he did see did not make it full term and the mothers were devastated. My husband and I made the final decision to take the Dr's advice. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but deep down I know it was the right one. He was suffering....he was slowly sufficating and dying....so I ask you what is worse making your baby suffer any more then he already has or help him go with God where he will never suffer again??? My baby had downs and many physical deformities....no one deserves to go thru what any of us has and NO ONE deserves to be treated so poorly because of a decision they felt was right for them and there baby!!

 

wendy - May 10

Can i just say to the person who does not put their name on the post.. who the hell do you think you are.. Sally had to make the worst decision of her life and you come back with that c___p.. My god girl, why don't you just think about what you said... your just a sad bitter person... go to another site will you, you make me sick... and Sally don't listen to narrow minded people like this.. I am so sorry for you loss I cannot imagine the pain..It is a hard decision to TTC again, however you and your husband will certainly make the right one... good luck to you.

 

rebecca - May 10

wendy, I agree with you completely!! I was utterly disgusted with the comments of the no name person. Sally you keep trying if that is what you and your husband want to do. Don't let these inconsiderate, ignorant, close minded people get you down. You made the decision that you felt comfortable with, that is what matters! Good Luck Girl....think positive!

 

to rebecca - May 10

hi rebecca, i am sorry for your loss, the difference b/w you and sally is that sally's baby had down's syndrome and nothing else, your baby in addtion to down's had other deformities - there is a difference. im the person who has posted on the thred on May 5th 11:29 and again on May 6th at 11:51. if you read on my postings I did not intend to bash sally. she had a choice and she made it. Again it's a public site where sally decided to post, she will get both bad and good opinions and you seem to agree with her, which is great, but unfortunately i don't agree with her decision, other than having down's syndrome there was nothing wrong with the baby, down's children still live and lead lives. that's all that i have to say and rebecca once again i am sorry for your loss, and i apologlize if my opinions have hurt anyone.

 

rebecca - May 10

I do believe if my baby only had downs that I would have made a different decision then what I did. I know down syndrome children and they do thrive and they are very happy and I have also known children that do not thrive. For who ever posted the message that is very disgusted you are the one that does not need to be on this website!! I understand that everyone has there own opinions of what is right and wrong but you are WAY OUT OF LINE! Have you actually been put in that position? Because if you have not you do not have any right to say someone does not deserve a healthy baby! You need to look deep inside of yourself and seriously think about what you just wrote! There should have been a much better way to express your opinion....don't you think!??

 

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