What Can I Do For My S I L

2 Replies
Confused S-I-L - October 4

Recently someone began a posting about the hurtful things that people say after you've suffered a m/c. I have had two m/c's, so I know how hurt you are and how callous some people sound when they say things about it. I have found myself on the other end of that senario now. My sister-in-law just suffered a m/c and had to have a D&C. We are on the same PTA at our older kids school (she has 2 and I have 3) and I love her... I am so sorry she's having to go throught this. What I'm wondering about is... when she told us that she would have to have a D&C and be "down" in bed for awhile, I spoke with some of the other PTA board members (we're all friends and my S-I-L had told all of us, so it wasn't a secret) and we organized some help for her. Each evening one of us took her family and her dinner. Another lady collected all her laundry and went to the laundry mat and washed, dried, and folded everything. Someone else got a video rental card so she could rent some movies one night. The problem is that, my S-I-L is really bitter and nasty about everything. I know she's heartbroken right now and everything probably is negative to her, but these ladies are trying to make it easier for her. She's complained about the way the one lady folded her laundry (there were 6 loads done and my S-I-L made a production about refolding every last thing), about the place the one lady got the pizza from that she brought over (my S-I-L gets her pizza from a different place), about the place the movie card came from (again, it's not the place S-I-L normally rents her movies from). She hasn't thanked anyone for any of the things they are trying to do to make this time easier for her. Everything has been bought at everyone's own expense and no one has said a single thing about doing that. I am afraid that my S-I-L is going to chase away all of her friends by the time she's back on her feet. I know how she's feeling inside... I know the bitterness she's going through and the anger that doesn't have an outlet. Is there anyway to gently open her eyes to her reaction to those around her? I am determined to be here for her no matter what, but I may be the only left soon. Thanks for all your thoughts!


Cyndi - October 4

I just had my second m/c a week ago and I know what heart ache feels like and I never treated people that way, Im sorry about her loss but it seems like shes just a ungrateful person. Try to talk to her but if you think thats not a good idea just back off and maybe she needs to be alone for a while.


Kim - October 5

I'm going to have to agree with Cyndi - it is one thing to be sad and devastated, even angry about suffering something so terrible. And truly, my heart goes out to her, because I know how that feels. But she kind of sounds like a spoiled, selfish brat. I cannot imagine treating people who are caring for me with such disrespect. I know you love her, and I think it's wonderful that you are finding ways to bless her and make her feel better. Unfortunately, people who cannot be grateful or accept help from those around them with love and grat_tude will probably be very lonely. It's not something you can protect her from, although you can certainly reach out to her as you're doing. I wish you the best and am sorry too for your losses. Take good care of yourself. xxoo



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