Why Are People On This Board Talking About Pregnancies

59 Replies
sister - October 23

Kyra, you put your finger on it. We need to know there are non-judgemental ears who can just hear that we're hurting without trying to force some happiness on us. Probably I'll feel joy again, but right now, I don't & I don't want to have to pretend to be hopeful or faithful or happy for others in order to feel some sisterhood. Our culture is very impatient with sadness, and yet being sad is an essential part of our human condition.


Michelle - October 23

I wasn't trying to tell you Sister, or anyone else, that they should not be sad. I only was disturbed to hear you call youself a barren stone and to read about your husband. I hate to think that you feel this way about yourself or feel that your husband was justified in his decision. Sorry if I offended anyone.


Erin - October 23

I referred to myself as a dried up old crone on one of these boards a little while ago, and got hell for it... I still think that might be the case, but I'm willing to keep trying. Ashley - good luck with everything and I really hope you are out of the woods. Did the doctors ever give you an answer as to why 6 miscarriages? Or did they say just bad luck?


Erin - October 23

By the way - I AM sad. And ANGRY. I am 37, near the end of my fertile years, and I have had three miscarriages this year, and one other one nine years ago... I am even seeing a perinatal therapist (someone who specializes in pregnant woman and complications of pregnancy). I have had to bite the bullet, put on a brave face and face it again this whole year, without a break. I don't have the luxury of time, try again next year, get over it, blah blah blah. I've been pregnant more than I haven't this year and still no baby. Just a uterus that's more like some sort of medieval chamber of horrors. I've had three d&C's, a polypectomy, probably 50 tubes (no exaggeration) or blood taken from me... I wish I could grieve and take some time off, but I can't.... Even if I got pregnant, I wouldn't let myself be happy or feel even remotely safe until I was holding that child was alive and in my arms... I had tons of nausea, no symptoms of mc this last time. I saw the heart beat. I let myself start to think it's Ok this time... Ha ha. The only choice is to grit your teeth, a__sume the worst and soldier on. Then, if you find yourself holding your beautiful child, the whole, horrible nightmare has come to an end. And that is the only cure for this misery.


Tara - October 23

I do think that you ladies should have a site where you can grieve, but I think there needs to be a site that is for women who are pregnant again after a loss. Some of these women are not bragging, but terrified of going through another loss. I was given a drug that nearly killed me to expel my dead 12 week baby, then blood transfusion and emergency D&C . After that I got a Kidney and Uterus infection and was told I could have Ashermans Syndrome and lose my fertility due to scar tissue in uterus. I am pregnant now and believe me I thought for sure there was no chance. I still hate looking at pregnant women and I avoid them. I cant look at baby items and have not told anyone(but hubby) Im pregnant due to the fact I dont want to tell people if I lose it. I need a site with women who understand my fear I have moved to a pregnancy site, but dont always feel comfortable hearing about others pregnancies even though Im so happy when someone is pregnant after a loss or multiple losses. I have made wonderful friends on these sites and pray for them constanly and wish them the best even if I dont have the same luck. I had a hard time after my loss when women were so healthy after losses and I couldent get doctors to fiqure out why I never phsically recovered. I had a hard time getting out of bed, high fevers, 4 different antibiotics and 6 ultrasounds looking for retained placental fragments. I do feel you ladies need to get it all out ,but Even though I may be pregnant Im still grieving and would love to be able to enjoy this moment. Im suffering because I cant move on after my experience with my loss, I have had horrible nightmeres and painic attacks about bleeding and loss again. I feel for you ladies, but Im not a doctor or God so I cant help, but all I can do is wish the best for you and if you become pregnant be happy for you. I understand your pain because I felt it to and Im still angry I experienced what I did and praying that I dont experience the nightmere of losing my baby and nearly losing my life because of doctors screwing up.


Amy - October 23

i talk to 2 ladies on here under the same post because we did have m/c and now are doing well with our pg after a m/c we have been where you are to its not like we just picked here to talk just to upset you!


sam - October 24

Dont worry about time running out until you get near 45, then you can start worrying. i have had 4 m/c (no d&c's as i worry about weakening cervix). Had 2 m/c before my second child at 38 and am quite a few years older now and pregnant again. Not getting pregnant after m/c is hell, getting pregnant after m/c is hell too. I avoided all tests except u/s and would avoid that too if i have to go again, the tests don't change the outcome just give more worry. I am less of a soldier on but do expect the worse and hope for the best. My hubby has had to suffer thru 30 weeks of pregnancy this year, me being tired, moodswings etc (2 m/c at 10 weeks & this preg is now 10 weeks) and no baby yet. To the ladies who talk of their pregnancies, i think they just want to give a bit of hope that things can work out no matter how many m/c's you have. A pregnancy after loss thread would be a good idea too, like when you move from ttc'ing to 1st trimester. Maybe someone could suggest it to pregnancyinfonet. The only thing that i can recommend is the sperm meets egg plan, gives you more chances of conception and in my case more m/c's, but i figure if i am going to have 2 or 3 m/c's it is better if they are close together so they are over and done with and sooner or later the dice has to roll the right way for me. When i get the two pink lines i prepare for m/c and hope for a baby. To me reading about a successful pregnancy after one or more m/c's gives me hope. I also have learnt to turn my att_tude to m/c around a bit, as well as being a loss it does mean my body is working well and i don't even think about genetic testing if i ever get to 2nd trimester again, i know that nothing genetically imperfect is going to get past my bodies screening process. Now back to my waiting hell. :-)


Erin - October 24

I feel like I could have written your message.... I know EXACTLY how you feel. That's my game plan, too.... I"ve had 3 miscarriages since Feb this year.


mani - October 24

hey all, it seems like this thread has become a contest b/w us all. we all our here to share our sorrows & fear and to some extent b able to c ray of hope and light. i have had 5 miscarriages ( 3 this year ), still bleeding through the fifth one, hates to c a preggo women around me though they seems 2b everywhere. but then we cant be mad @ others who are scared to be miscarrying or have been able to conceive successfully. as for having this forum just for miscarriage, well please dont make life any bleaker then it already is, no one is asking you to b happy, cuz we just cant b and its very human, but let us have some hope from those successful pregnancie. and Grumpy & sis we all are in the same boat, i like you just hate it when someone , who has a child already comes to this thread but then a loss is a loss for a mother, even if its the first time or the 50th time.


Kara - October 25

I have been pregnant three times and all three times I have miscarried. Everytime I get pregnant, the fear and anxiety of loosing another baby that grips me is almost unbearable. The fear of the micarriage is almost as crippling as the miscarriage itself. All those old feelings come to the surface and when I read your postings I feel the pain of each and everyone of you as if it was my own. If I haven't said it before, thank you ladies for listening and validating my feelings. It never occurred to me that my pregnancy would cause someone else so much pain. If my postings of worry and anxiety caused you any pain, then I am sorry. When I get pregnant again, I will clearly mark my thread so there are no surprizes until this website makes a new catagory for "Pregnant after M/C". I think that this website is for everybody - included those who are feeling hopeless and jaded AND the sticky sweet Polly Anna's of the world. I guess we just need to lable our threads better and stay within kind. I hope you all find peace. Best wishes.


Heather - October 26

Hi girls, i've had two loses in the space of a year i can understand all to well how all of you feel. It's just been over 2 months since i lost my second pregnancy at 16 weeks. I met a friend by chance about four week ago she was a month behind me her pregnancy going well i wanted to just start crying but i had to think of that girls feelings she had a miscarrage a few month befour i became pregnent the second time and even though i felt for the girl i was just so pleased that i was pregnent and then the table turned and her pregnancy is going well and i have no baby. When i got home i cryed my eye's out, i now its hard but i have to be happy for the girls that do get there and are still needing support because there scared. Im ttc again and trying to be postive my best wishes to all of you.


shaletta - November 1

I can relate to what you are saying. But, i honestly do not feel that these women are boasting. Maybe you don't know their entire story. I've lost 2 babies at four months each, due to an incompetant cervix. I got a cerclage, have a healthy 3 year old as a result, and am 9 months pregnant now. Its not boasting sweety, i wanted to share my story to prevent this from happening to someone else. Usually when you find out about this condition it's already too late. I found out an aunt had 7 miscarriages, due to an incompetant cervix, But she and i wasn't close. So we weren't even able to talk to one another. She received a cerclage, had a healthy girl. But during her pregnancy she found a lump in her b___st and was diagnosed with b___st cancer. Her daughter is now seven. She pa__sed away a year and a half ago. She wanted a child all her life, as did i. I'm the youngest of 5 children, and everyone had atleast 2 children but me. I wanted 1 so bad, by the grace of god, i have my daughter, again its not boasting, i just feel blessed. No one can a__sure anyone of anything, only god can do that. So try not to be so harsh on these women, they may know something or someone who can save you or your unborn child's life. Listen to their stories, learn from them.


Mel - November 1

I agree with this posting.


A Valid Point - November 1

I think the origianl poster (Grumpy) has a good argument. No one is saying that women who have had miscarriages and are pregnant again shouldn't give advice, but many of those women are coming onto the miscarriage section and boasting/celebrating their new pregnancies. I've seen posts from women talking about pregnancy and not in relation to miscarriage. Yes, maybe these same women have had a miscarriage but that is not what they are focusing on in their posts. I had a miscarriage 7 days ago and honestly, the last thing I want to read about is someone's pregnancy. Not that I wish them any harm whatsoever, but I'm jealous and have every right to be. This is the section for loss. Yes, it is OK to encourage and give hope to others but to talk about how you are pregnant right this minute is insensitive to us who are hurting.


Michelle - November 1

I completely disagree. Who has the right to tell me that if I suffered a loss and am now pregnant again that I have no right to feel worry or to still grieve over my previous loss? It doesnt matter when you lost your child and what has happened from that point til now, you STILL sufferred a loss and you STILL have every right to express your opinion about it and if your loss is now causing concern over a new pregnancy, this is a public forum and the discussion is Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage and there are no guidelines as to what you feel qualifies as an acceptable loss or not. If someone comes on here and brags about being pregnant and has no experience with a miscarriage or stillbirth, then no, they shouldnt be posting here but nobody is going to tell me that just because I am pg now, I should not be able to discuss it (as long as it is in relation to my previous loss) as if it was a plague or something! Just for the record, I am not pg right now and if I were, I would definitely be terrified and probably need alot of advise to get through the fear and I sure hope you ladies would not turn me away because some of you think my dead son should now matter less!!!!!!!!!


Fearful - November 1

I do post on this site. I am pregnant. I have had three miscarriages. I am so fearful of another miscarriage, night and day I feel my b___st for pain. I cry when I don't wake up feeling sick. I get depressed everytime I have a cramp. I cannot bring myself to post on the other sites. I do not feel like I can. Yes, I am pregnant again, after three hellacious losses. I am not bragging. I can not find that excitement right now. I only feel fear. For anyone to tell me that I don't have a place on this website is just as hurtful to me as hearing about my pregnancy might be to others. I have friends on this website who are not pregnant again, but they have been a lifeline of support and a sounding board of thoughts. I can not give them up right now. I may not know what others are exactly feeling or have been through, but that street goes both ways.



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