A Message Of Hope

13 Replies
docbytch - May 1

It's odd how everytime I visit this site I come away feeling like there is supposed to be some huge wad of fear in my gut at the prospect of having a baby at the "ancient" age of 39 (almost anyway). It makes me a bit angry even. Why? Well...outside of those stories on here that are truly saddening, of which my heart goes out to all of you.... It really seems that most women our age live in fear of having grossly deformed babies or something because we had the "audacity" to get pregnant at what is considered AMA. Yet....if we all really sit and think of it.......women, since the dawn of time really....have been having babies until well into their forties....without the benefit of "technology" to ensure all was well. My mother's mother had her in 1936, when she was 42. Uh....there were no US, no quad screens, no nothin' frankly. Yet....my mom came out fine. Back then...if a woman actually got to LIVE through childbirth.....it was expected for her to keep reproducing...until she no longer was able to. When my mother was pregnant with my two older brothers and myself, it was commonplace to smoke, drink, AND take diet pills!!!!! THROUGHOUT the pregnancy! We all came out...fine. Humans have been successfully reproducing at all ages within the range of normal reproductive years for eons. So I present this to all of us to ponder: WHY ARE WE ALL SO FREAKIN' PARANOID? RISKS THERE VERY WELL MAY BE....BUT ISN'T LIFE ITSELF A RISK? SERIOUSLY? IS 35-45 TOO OLD TO HAVE CHILDREN? IF IT WAS.....WHY DO WE NOT UNDERGO MENOPAUSE EARLIER THEN? OUR AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER, AND THOUGH IT IS NOT WHOLLY AN IRRELEVANT NUMBER....SO MUCH OF OUR SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN PREGNANCY CAN BE OVERCOME IF WE USE OUR MINDS POSITIVELY. we need to believe in ourselves more than medical science seems to want to believe in us.... Trust me on this! This goes especially for those who have historically, gotten pregnant and had children without much trouble. For the first-timers out there...it's a bit harder because your body is treading on unfettered territory as a primi-gravida or nulli-gravida. BUT IT IS MY OPINION THAT OUR MEDICAL SOCIETY (I AM AN RN PREPARING TO BECOME AN FNP) MAKES US WAY TOO SCARED ALL THE TIME. AND...IT AFFECTS OUR PREGANCY OUTCOMES! Shouldn't we, as normal, healthy women who are NOT OLD take that power back? Think positive? There are many kind words said on this forum....and all the women here are obviously caring women.....but it just seems that we are obsessing too much over small details...and that all that obsessing might be hurting us...as well as our current...adn future pregnancies. does anyone think I am out to lunch here? Or agree?


GraceRenee - May 2



Hopeful and excited - May 2

Thank you! You make a lot of sense and I agree totally. My grandmother also had my father at 39 (in 1939) and my aunt at 41 and both are still leading strong and active lives. My step-sister was 41 when she had her first and has just had her second at 42 - both really healthy. I think it's sooooooooooo important to not worry - I know it's easier said than done and I am proof of that, but I think that we should force ourselves to think positive EVERY DAY of the pregnancy. As someone on this forum has already said - we should enjoy each moment of the pregnancy because there will be enough sadness about if it fails and so what's the point of wasting energy on negative thoughts when all is going well so far! Thanks again and I hope your words will encourage people to regain their confidence in themselves.


alley24 - May 2

I agree and and so HAPPY someone else said the thought that I have been thinking. I like to read good things but there is so many NEGITIVE things on here that you dont want to go on here and read it because when you are up beat and happy they make you sad and freaked out. I am 43, I have had 3 healthy children, and never had acess to the internet and never worried once, and here now i am pregnant 13 years later and read this and worry, I think some times this is not a good tool. I think if you have faith in god and think about this if you are lucky enough to get pregnant at this age, it is a blessing from god and that you should remember. say possitive, and dont come on here alot because if you do it will drive you insane.


MellyMel - May 2

I couldn't agree with you more!! BRAVO!!


in the woods - May 2

The prevalence of worrying on web forums comes of the fact that those who worry seek for an outlet for their worries. Less worried people don't seek and are invisible. So the whole picture is skewed somewhat and should be taken with a grain of salt. But those who do come are ent_tled to support.


miraclebaby - May 2

Bravo 37 and feel 23 lol lol


lovemy3 - May 2

I absolutely agree, I have 3 kids and was planning on ttc #4 and i turn 37 this week, and after reading have had second thoughts because of my age. If I stay away from reading I tend to worry way less!!


Silent_Wish - May 3

Wow this is all very supporting... I am 45 trying for a child my hubby is 44 we feel half out age. "AGE" oooh what a swear word to some people ...right? We live in uk and were told .."because of your age you will not be ent_tled to free IVF".... Who gives these people the right to dictate such rubbish to us??? Hello??? As far as we are concerned you might get someone in their 20's having FREE IVF and batter that child to death!!! We...the MATURE mothers are EXACTLY that.... Mature...yes as in "responsible" we already KNOW a baby will take up a lot of time and patience but we have got that dont we ladies?...a BIG Y E S from us! :-)


kathy - May 4

I was born when my mum was 42 and my husband was born when his mum was 43. As far as I know we are both pretty 'normal' although neither of our mums smoked or drank through pregnancy and I have to say I am pleased about that. Having said that, reading the info available to us now is enough to make the most sane person a little paranoid about all the things that can go wrong. Good luck everyone!!


sunshinekitty240 - May 4

i agree with ou about the paranoia - i am young in my 20's but i dont understand why everyone has to make women so paranoid its NOT FAIR to any of us... your AGE is a factor your SMOKING is a factor your COFFEE is a factor its like jeez when my mother was born and her mother they didnt know any of the stuff theyre terrorizing women with today. i talked to my aunt who is in her late 70's and she smoked through all 6 of her pregnancies which spanned from her 20's to her forties... and theres NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OF HER KIDS, no not even the ones she had in her forties... yes thats right theyyre freaking FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant even imagine trying to concieve being older and having the doctors give you ONE MORE thing to worry about. i feel bad for anyone who isnt encouraged. i think the problem is that people get lawyer happy and if the docs and nurses dont give women worse case scenarios then they could get sued for "not finding the problem" ya know? thats why a lot of pregnancy screening tests have more false positives than negatives.... just a CYA thing for the medical workers....


MellyMel - May 4

Sunshine~You are so funny. I am cracking up here. You are so right though. My mom always tells me that they didn't even have ultrasound and all that special blood work in her day(she's 65) and that they just got care and delivered. But back then, everyone smoked, drank coffee, among other things and had totally normal healthy babies. It's just that we are in such a health conscious world right now that there is a test for every freakin thing in the world and how could we not be paranoid?? Also as far as your NT Scan, it seems to me like you were too early when you had it done. Maybe that is why your results are what they are. Which from what I read is not abnormal?


mdbolduc - May 4

I believe if any issue is obsessed on without good cause it will add stress, which stress is proven to cause or enhance health problems. I'm going to be 38 this Sunday and just found out I'm over 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th. This concerns me since all 3 of my others were high risk pregnancies and my babies were born premature. I'm doing everything in my power to be positive and keep my stress levels at bay. Needless to say we were not planning on another child, but we consider him/her a difinite blessing...


mdbolduc - May 4

I would like to add that everyone is different...My mother had 6 children, the last when she was 38 and my oldest sister had her 5th when she was 40. Both my little sister (10lbs) and my niece were very healthy babies!!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that unless your specific doctor has given you reason to be concerned just relax and enjoy the experience and if you do have reasons from your doctor to be concerned don't worry yourself sick...literally!!! Best wishes to all...



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