Am I Depressed

7 Replies
Suzanne - December 21

I am 35, 22 weeks, first baby, and I feel awful. This was a surprise pregnancy. I feel huge, sort of like I am not ready for this and that my life is a mess. My boyfriend bought me an engagement ring for xmas but he says he does not want to live together or get married until after the baby comes. We both have our own houses and he said he will come stay with me for a few months after the baby comes. I only see him on weekends. I feel lonely and I have no energy. I don't feel like this is real and I can't imagine my life with a baby. How can I get excited about this? I hope I am doing the right thing and I would like to feel more positive. I just can't seem to come to terms that I am really pregnant and I need help bonding with this baby.


Anna - December 21

I understand how you feel. I'm 36 and this is my first child and it was planned. My boyfriend and I had planned on getting married when we found out I was pregnant, we will be married the end of January, the baby is due the end of June. I know that if we didn't live together and we hadn't talked about marriage, I would be feeling everything you are now. You need that comfort in knowing that you are not in this alone and that he will be there to help if you feel or get to overwhelmed, right now you don't have that so what you're feeling is totally expected. If you talked with your boyfriend and told him your concerns do you think that he would agree to at least live together? Do you live in the same area? I don't understand why he won't marry you until after the baby is born, that doesn't make sense, you would think if he was going to marry you anyway he would do before the baby was born. Did he explain his reason for that one? I don't feel like I'm being much help here but the only thing I can suggest is talking to him and letting him know that you're scared and loney and need his support in person not support over the phone or only on weekends. I hope everything works out for you.


Suzanne - December 21

He does not want to live together. We live an hour apart and I told him I will move closer and he thinks I should stay where I am but I told him I would sell my house because I don't feel comfortable. He bought me a huge 4 carat rock but I think he is just trying to keep me around until the baby gets here.


Bridget - December 23

I understand the feeling "disant" from the reality of being a Mom. I too, though excited and happy, have a bunch of mixed feelings too, it is normal.I am 39, 31 weeks pg with my first. I am married (together total of 21 years) and still, I know that when this little guy arrives, our marriage will have a few bumps, since it's been just us for so long.The reason I'm telling you this is that we took some actions that we hope will help us and maybe it would help you and the baby and also help your BF to be more involved. I heard somewhere that it is not uncommon for a guy who finds out he's going to be a Dad (I mean a committed guy, husbands even) will sometimes run off for a few days or even weeks, then just come back. Like he needs to adjust or something. I'm not saying this is cool, but it happens. My husband and I were shocked to learn we were pg, because I'd only had fibroid surgery a month before and hadn't used birth control for 6+ years. We had just started counseling for that matter so we were set up to get help and support there. We also took a 3 part cla__s in basic newborn care together (given at the hospital I will be delivering in)and this helped us a lot, in valuable knowledge and making it more real. I have cared for many babies of all ages (not for a few years, though)but I learned alot and so did my husband.It would be great if your BF were to go to the cla__ses with you but even if he can't or won't, I suggest you go anyhow. You will meet other women there and most will also be first-time Mom's and it is comforting to share pregnancy stories and also perhaps make new friends. You may later be able to swap childcare, too. It seems like you feel a bit isolated and this could help there. Has he gone to any Dr. app'ts with you? I think if he is truly committed and maybe just a bit scared and stunned and maybe even sharing some of the mixed feelings you have (without the fun "being pregnant" part, then it would be a good thing to share your feelings with him and let him know you need him a bit more. No one is really ready to be a first time parent, even the happy, sparkly people who say they are nothing but delighted.You see them skipping through pregnancy like the world is their oyster, you know the ones,LOL.Not that there's anything wrong with that,hehe. See about a cla__s, I really think that would help. You may be depressed too. These hormones are a pain. Try to lay off sugar as much as you can and eat good protein. Cheeses, fish, meat if you can stand it. Whole grains lots of water. I wish you the best and I know this is long but I hope it helps.


LJD - December 30

I am 37 and have just found out yesterday that I am 6 weeks pregnant. Same as you, this is also not exactly planned and I can't seem to feel positive about it. I have a history of depression and anxiety and can't help feeling I am going to feel like this for 9 months +. I totally understand how you feel, so you are not alone. I know its early days for me, but I hope there comes a point for both of us when things feel more positive. I don't want to put a damper on things when my partner seems so positive, but it all seems a bit unreal at the moment. Take care Suzanne x


RL - December 31

Suzanne, only Anna has touched on this subject the right way and only offhandedly. I don't believe for a minute that your depression is caused by the fact you are pregnant. From your post I would bet your depression comes from the realization that this guy you've been seeing is turning out to be a real loser. I have no doubt I will get criticized for this, but who cares. Some straight talk is needed. If what you say is true, there should have been red flags dropping down all over the place. A guy who lives an hour away, won't see you on weekdays, doesn't want you living with him or near him is not a boyfriend - he's a loser. A real man would do what Anna's is going to do and say "I do." I'm amazed how women can be intelligent, successful and self-sufficient yet, when it comes to some guy, they can't think straight (and I'm as guilty as the next.). Its time to stop worrying about him (its unlikely he will come around before or after the baby comes -- let's face it, he's had 22 weeks to come around) and concentrate on yourself and that new life growing inside you. THAT is your main priority. If you have loving a family and friends (and I'm sure you do), turn to them for the emotional support you need. I guarantee you they will not turn their back on you like "lover boy" does. And when you start feeling spunky, give the guy back is "rock" and go on with your new life with your beautiful new baby. There, I said it. Now sue me.


julie 7 - January 2

hi im going to chime in with the last post. you are standing here with open heart and a baby in your belly, vulnerable and willign this man to be in your life, bonding with this child and you for all the reasons women do this; to foster sustainable relationships, to create families and their own house happy,filled with light, love and laughter. this man is holiding his hand out at the end of a stiff arm. he is giving *just enough* just enough time, resourcs to kep you staying, wanting, longing. this would be harrwoingly depressing for anyone NOT pregnant. please consider this: the baby is not seperating you from the partner, the partnr is keeping himslf seprate from you and the baby. look in the mirror, embrace your vulnerability, cry for yourself and his failure to step up to the plate andfind a compnayt of women. look up the midwife org, find a support group, log onto forums, write, incubate, do whatever you can to gleen support and love from anyone around you with compa__sion. let this partner have his distance and create some bottom line boundaries for how much distance you will suffer before you consider making changes inyour life and perhaps closing a door on him. some men are set up in a contrary way; when you want them, they hold you at bay and when you get your own life and your brian and self esteem and value kick in, they end up seing you in adiffernt light and comign forward more. not sure where this partner falls, but his is not giving you enough as a support system. much love, j


julie 7 - January 2

hey, one more thing, if you wnat to address the poss of depression whether due to anything, ther is stuff that is safe to take while pregnant. you will need to see a psy if you dont have one, they can perscribe zoloft or sevral others for short or long term use. you can do a regualr dose or talk to them above just taking a small bit of a regular dose, which is sometimes just enough to pull you up so that you can think clearly again.then maybe things will be more clear and you can make solid choices for yourself.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?