Ambivalence Redux

6 Replies
Bettie - July 28

Alrightee then--the test is positive. No doubt. Showed two lines within :10. Now what? If I'm going to have this baby, believe it or not I dno't have the foggiest idea where to start, except to find a doc...say goodbye to booze for awhile...and get my arms around the whole idea.


Maureen - July 29

Hi Bettie, First of all CONGRADULATIONS. I wish you all the very best! Now, everybody is different and experince different things during pregnancy and no 2 pregnancies are the same. So you pretty well have to play it by ear so to speak. Again, All the Best of Health, for you and the Fetus.


lynnstress - July 29

Hi Bettie. I just saw your other question as well. Are you sure you want a baby? Please believe me, I am not looking to pick a fight here, but it doesn't seem like you understand what ambivalence means - it means conflicting feelings. From what I've read, it doesn't seem like you care if you are pregnant or not. I apologize if I am totally reading this wrong. Even if you get all po'd at me, don't hold it against this site. I have found it very helpful to me during my first-time, over-35 and overweight pregnancy.


Bettie - July 31

No, I'm NOT sure...which is why I unloaded on the site (emotions and hormones take center stage while pg, as you know), which I should have known is weighted for all the happy people who always knew they wanted kids and marriage. But surely there are plenty of people who have doubt, right up to deivery, about making the right decision. And when it's decision time upon learning of prenancy, that there is fear of making a wrong decision, either way. For those of you who have had children, did you ever have doubt or concern? Ever consider the state of the world, overpopulation, resource consumption? I live in Utah, where babymaking is a hobby and where older kids raise their younger siblings. It IS a different world, and I was happy to read some comments about women who wait until their late 30s/early40s to have a kid. I'm not trying to convince anyone here, but really--if a woman is considering starting a family at 41, she MUST consider the changes to life that are much different (I a__sume) that 20-somethings who start a family. My previous pregnancies were terminated because single parenthood was not an option and it is a choice, after all. I am not uneducated, and I know plenty about family planning and birth contorl. I just happen to be wildly fertile and a victim of failed birth control, and tying my tubes was not an option during my 20s and 30s because it has always been a gray area about whether I wished to rear children and/or marry. I praise doG for Roe v.Wade and that it's still legal. But still i remain undecided as does my partner...


po - July 31

Maybe adoption would suite you and the baby better, unless you terminate yet again. Your comments really come across as negative. Drinking and a flippant att_tude from either you or the baby's father would be down right distructive to an emotionally healthy baby. Babies consume your life, in a good way, if you can give up that freedom and independence readily without regrets. From your comments, you sound as if you can't and won't.


just like you - August 8

Guess what, Bettie? You're not alone. I, too, am pregnant at age 42 (3 weeks) -- never had any babies -- and am wildly ambivalent about the whole thing. I'm happily married and my life is full and rewarding. I am petrified of change and loss of freedom and of my figure -- as petty as that is. I know many women who seem to define themselves through their children and I find them tedious. I've always enjoyed the freedom of a man, yet i feel like if I don't have this baby then I will never know the experience of being a mother and sharing the joys of being a family. I'm stuck in a state of fear, afraid to make a decision. My husband is supportive no matter what. Yes, I've been a very self centered person, but a good person, and fears ARE justified.


Sissy - August 17

I understand being concerned about losing your freedom because the older you get and you are still single, or married w/o kids, you are set in your ways. I was pretty self centered now that I look back. I got married at 35. I never really felt that my bio clock was ticking altho i always wanted kids. I worked out all the time and dressed fashionably, had a really good job/career. But, I had twins when I was 38 and I have been totally transformed. I still care about the way I look, but I am not self centered anymore. I am so much happier. I didnt realize it when I was single but I wasnt as happy as I thought. I was fulfilled. I feel sorry for you who said that talking to mothers is tedious, because that is a very self centered comment. Mothers are focused on their children because they ARE their lives. When they are little, they really do take up most of your time. You can make choices to put them in daycare if you need more time to yourself or want to continue working. That is your choice. I hope you dont abort the baby because you feel you will lose your own self. The baby deserves to live. If you are successful and have a good job and enjoy your freedom, then you probably have the means to put the child in daycare. I think once you have the baby, you will be surprised how much you love him/her and maybe you wont care so much about the things you care about now. I cant speak for everyone because i know there are women out there who just dont want kids and instead focus on career, and that is their choice. But if you are pregnant, well... now you are responsible for that baby. I feel sorry for people who dont have kids because I do think they miss out on the greatest thing in life, but then again, that is how I feel. Good luck and I just hope you keep your baby and are happy, and the baby is loved and happy.



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