Cannot Make Pregnancy Decision

9 Replies
Emma - November 24

I'm 37. My husband is 32. I have two children, aged 13 and 15 from previous marriage. My husband has none of his own, but we've been together ten years, so he has been there since mine were 3 and 5. We are struggling with the decision of trying for one together, with biological clock ticking! It's just such a life-changing thing to do, and I'm worried that we will regret either decision. I am terrified of being pregnant and giving birth again, worried how a new baby would change the family dynamics, etc. Then I worry that not having a baby together will be a huge regret for us later when it's too late. I feel selfish that he has raised mine and I'm not giving him one of his own. He says he can't decide either 100%, but I think if I said yes he would be thrilled, but he won't put the pressure on me, as I'm the one that has to do all the physical stuff and be primary caregiver. Does anyone have any advice, experiences similar to what I'm in? Any views welcome?


mandy - November 25

Emma,I am like you,same age,but have no children,I have been with my husband over twenty yrs,just too scared to have a baby,just like you,only you have done it.I can have the choice of having a c-section if I want and have been reading those forums.It is appealing knowing when the baby will be born,and more predictable than the unknown.My husband,like yours has never put pressure on me,saying it has to be "our decision"not mine or his alone.He's be happy with just the one,but I am so petrified,I have a feeling,like you that if I don't,then I know we would regret it.For you,the decision is somewhat easier,you have already done it twice,yet feel scared.Your other dilemma on whether to start a family now,is for you to do as you have been,sit down talk,and talk,about what you really want.If you decide to stay as you are,remember there are many couples that do not have children,or those like me,whose partner, would want one,but the partner may for whatever reason not,or cannot.He took on your children because he loves you,and he is not desperate because he said he cannot decide either.It is a tough decision,and hope you do get the help you look forward.I would be interested in reading replies from you and others.


krfis A. - November 25

Hi Emma, I am 35, hubby is 44 and we are expecting our daughter literally any day, as I am 40 weeks plus 4 days. I also have a 15 year old and 13 year old twins from a previous marriage that my hubby has raised for the past two years. He loves the girls and yet wanted his own biological child and I did the soul searching that you are doing now. To start over when we are almost done raising the kids can be an overwhelming thought, huh? To go back to constant demands on our times and bodies when the ones on the ground are gaining self sufficiency, and will soon be in college. Hubby didn't pressure me either, and in the end we decided to just jump in. I know, for us, we made the right decision. To have the one more chance is a great gift... to raise this baby with the added gifts of maturity and financial stability - and the whole family is behind us. His family is ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED for the only son to finally have his child (and we are blessed that they have always welcomed the older girls as their own, never forgetting bdays or holidays, so no jealousy there...) As far as family dynamics, since the girls were a part of the decision making team before we conceived, they look forward to the birth of their baby sister with great anticipation, and I have built in babysitters standing by... they have made it clear they expect to be paid for their time though, and I have made it clear I expect them to just be sisters, not live in maids, and they are rea__sured that they can continue with their activities, so the baby isn't going to be a burden. I have kept in good health, watched my weight carefully, and though I am very tired of being pregnant, I have carried baby well - gained 28 pounds now, and look forward to regaining my prepregnancy body. Birth is something I am not looking forward to, I mean who does? But, I do feel confident in my ability to deal with it and have that blessed baby on the ground next week. I wish you all the best in your decision and hope my insights may help... any other questions feel free to ask. And to Mandy - I remember when I first found this site almost 9 months ago and you were here asking about labor and pardon me for intruding, but it seems you very much want a child as you are also still here reading about pregnancies... take the leap and try to conceive - the sooner you start the journey, the sooner the babe will be in your arms... best of luck to you.


kris A. - November 25

oops, my name is kris not krfis... hehe


Jade - November 25

I was in the same situation as you ,Emma. I'm 38 and I have older children from a previous marriage (17, 16 and 11). My husband has helped raised the children since they were quite young and we put off having a baby of our own. We were never sure if we wanted another one, if 4 would be too many, or if we even wanted to start from scratch again. You get to a certain point and changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night seems so long ago. We discussed it for years and never came to a decision. We always put it off for just one more year. I'd almost resigned myself to a definite "no" when we had a happy accident and I'm now about 8 weeks pregnant. The decision was made for us and we're both thrilled. I'm quite scared to start over again with a new baby but I'm also very excited. My husband is extremely happy. We were always so totally undecided about pregnancy but when it happened, it was a great thing! Good luck with your decision.


To emma - November 25

I am 36 have a 17 and 15 year old from previous I am remarried 1 year and we are expecting a baby I think its great my husband has been with my 2 since they were 2 and 4 and love them to death everyone is very excited it brings a closer bond . Good luck and dont be scared its like having your 1st all over very exciting


Emma - November 26

Thank you all for your replies. I am feeling very encouraged to hear from others in my situation who have 'gone for it'! I still feel a bit nervous, and not 100% convinced....but would I ever get to that stage? I have gone and bought some folic acid today and also last night charted my ovulation times for the next looks like I'm seriously considering ttc!! Maybe we'll just 'see what happens' for a few months and let nature and destiny take their course!


mother777 - November 26

hi. i am 39 years old and this will be my third child. my other two are 16 and 12. i did not plan to have this baby, but here i am 8 months pregnant after not being able to conceive for 12 years. i am happy and i welcome this new beginning all over again and would not trade it for anything in the world. emma i am sure you would not regret it; however, i do understand what you are going through. the decision-making process. and, yes it should be made by both people. whatever, your decision will be i am sure it will be the right choice. remember giving birth is the of the most memorable experience you will not forget. whatever your decision is good luck, and if you decide to ttc good luck also, and have a safe delivery and healthly child.


Maidencanada - November 26

I am 41 with a new hubby. I have 2 children from a previous marriage. My son is 14 and my daughter turns 19 at Christmas! And yes, I am expecting! It was a tough decision especially since my kids are basically self sufficient, and to make the decision to start all over again was a big one. One minute I would think yuck, car seats and sleepless nights and babysitters. Then I would think, pretty dresses, barbies or toy trucks, easter egg hunts and excited Christmas mornings. Then I realised I had never met anyone who regretted having their baby (any normal woman anyway lol) and not once did I ever wake up and think why did I have my daughter (or son) so why would Ido that this time around? I won't. So here I am pregnant, scared, and extremly happy!


TO Emma - November 26

Hi, I'm 39 , pg with my first, and dh is 54 with a 30 yr old son. We went through all the same emotions and decisions that are going through. Looking back it wasn't so much the nerves that made us indecisive, but the maturity of knowing this was a huge responsibility we were taking. Obviously we took the plunge and are really glad we did. RIght now I can't imagine having not made this choice. Of course everyone and everyone's situation is different. All I can tell you is that when you have made the right decision, you will have known.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?