13 Replies
G - June 28

This is going to be a little long but i really need some advice. I have a 6 wk old and a 5 yr old. We recently moved to CA to a neighborhood where there are alot of young families and lots of kids. We have slowing been getting pretty close with our new neighbors who also have a 5 yr old. I just found out that they smoke pot. Now my husband and I are not perfect by far, we actually were quite bad in high school and college. If I didn't have children I think I would not care so much but I don't want someone that has been smoking pot watching my 5 yr old. Please give me your opinions, my husband thinks I am being irrational and says that millions of people smoke pot everyday. I am not judging them I just don't want it around my family or my husband falling back into old habits. My husband has become very close with them so we fight constantly on how to compromise. Please give your adive and opinions.


ibk8t - June 28

Why do they have to watch your 5 year old? Living next door to them is different from allowing them to babysit...that part's totally up to you. As for your husband...hmmm...I had one of those once....a pot smoker that kept getting sucked back in to it...and I found that keeping him from temptation didn't make any difference...the choice to not partake comes from inside...if he's going to do it, it won't matter if you live in Vatican city...he will do it. I say relax....enjoy your kids...and only leave them with people you feel comfortable with....just because you socialize with the neighbours doesn't mean you have to feel obligated to leave your child in their care. If they get bent out of shape over you refusing...tough t_tty....they'll get over it....your peace of mind and your child's saftey are far far more important.....hope this helps......


Nancy2 - June 28

Hi G - I don't like to judge either. I was the same growing up - actually did LOTS of experimenting! Had a great time too!! I remember babysitting while stoned & the children were fine - BUT I wouldn't even think of letting someone take care of my son who was using. I think there came a time when I reached this place that it just isn't the way I want to live today. Sometimes being a good parent creates tension. But in my opinion you are being a good parent. Probably nothing would happen to your children - but but but if something did how could you forgive yourself for not doing what you believed was right - no matter how unpopular your choice is with the others. Maybe you could just change how you are bringing it up to your husband - but to tell you the truth, if my husband ever made me feel bad about my choices of protecting my son and siding with someone else - that would be the day I would make an appointment with either a counselor or an attorney! (maybe extreme, but my most important job is to protect my children - not be anyones best friend). sorry it's so long. You'll do the right thing - it seems you already are doing the right thing.


G - June 28

Thanks so much for your opinions and advice. ibk8t in reference to your question on why they have to watch my 5 year old is that our sons have become extremely close and I hate to take that away from him. He always goes on bike rides with the neighbors and has been for the last 5 months. Being that I just found out about the pot smoking 2 days ago how do I explain to a 5 yr old that he can't go on bike rides anymore. Also about my husband getting sucked back in.... It have been 8 yrs since he has smoked pot that I know of... and I guess I just figured that with that amount of time and 2 children later he would chose his family first. But after talking he just really doesn't think it is bad - deep down - he is as sincere about not thinking it is bad as I Think It is BAD!!


G - June 28

Nancy2 - thanks - that is my biggest problem - that my husband is not supporting me - he does say that the chances of something are slim - probably better for them to be stoned then drunk - but it is just that - if something were to happen I could never live with myself. Please keep the advice and opinions coming. The neighbors are out of town this week so it is a little better around our house but we will see what next week holds.


ibk8t - June 28

I'm Canadian and I don't have a problem with the choice of maryjane over alcohol....the biggest concern I have with someone is if they are using either responsibly....if they are habitual in their marijuana or alcohol use then I would not worry about bruising any egos, or hurting my childs what you have to. There are going to be many moments in your parenting journey where you have to make a decision for your child's welfare that they may not understand at the time......this may be one of them. Good luck....I don't envy the spot you're in. Follow your gut feelings...they aren't often wrong.


G - June 28

Is pot legal in canada????


christa0120 - June 28

Are they occasional users or wake up in the morning and smoke all day users? If they smoke on a full moon thats one thing...but daily is another. Something to consider.


G - June 28

I am not sure how much they use but I am going to find out. We were on a weekend trip to the beach when he pulled it out. I am hoping it is occasional. I just can't help but think it is childish - he is in his forties - grow up. Do any of you still smoke it??


Nancy2 - June 29

Personally I do not do any of the things I did when I was younger. It was fun then, but today I like reality! One of the things I think works for me (when I do it!) is to be frank with people. Like I would not hesitate telling someone that I use to do those things and that lifestyle just doesn't work for me or my family today. And I think you are within your human rights to let other people know what is acceptable to you and what is not. When you speak your truth it is not your responsibility of how they take it. Mentally I have to tell myself "it's none of my business what other people think of me". Because if I make what other people think more important than what my values then I'm really not honoring my life. I don't tell others how to live (well, I work at not judgeing and keeping my mouth shut!) and I try to not allow my insecurities to make me a victim of other peoples choices. You have a right to have your own principals / rules / choices and it doesn't make them either right or wrong for someone else, but you do not have to compramise them for anyone. When I'm in a sticky situation with my husband I usually try to make it non-emotional - like "listen, I know this doesn't bother you but this really doesn't work for me. It's taking up too much of my emotional well being and this is what I need from you to help me ..." I get really specific and try to keep the feelings out of it. Mainly because he's a male and just doesn't get the female hormonal thing - especially when it comes from the "mom" side of things! Sorry to be so long!


ibk8t - July 5

technically no, it's not really legal, but they will not bust you for having a personal amount....they are only interested in dealers and growers....and no, I do not use it myself, but do not judge anyone who uses it I do not judge social drinkers....just abusers


venus_in_scorpio - July 7

maybe they are just recreational once in awhile users... i mean think of it this way there arent may parents who would have trouble sending their kids to a sleepover because the parents have a gla__s or 2 of wine before bed. on the other hand, MANY parents would have a har time letting their kids hang out when the other kids mom is having a gla__s or 2 of wine before Breakfast. ya know what i mean? have you ever noticed your neighbors smelling like dope or acting high? it also might help to talk to them about it. I mean my best friends have a 2 year old and they smoke pot at night... and I dont feel it impairs them at all in terms of taking care of their son... at the same time i see your concern though. maybe talking to them would help? maybe they only do it when the kids arent around?


Citrine - July 7

Hi G - I would definately try to get a sense of how often they use it. I haven't messed with any of that stuff since maybe freshman yr of college myself (and that was a long time ago), but I do know some people that might be inclined to do that on a weekend trip to the beach. At the same time, doing it with young kids around is not cool in my opinion. And I definately see your concern about your husband not respecting your feelings & your fear that he may slip into an old routine, especially if he really likes these people. Again, try to get a better sense of the situation before worrying too much. Sounds like your DH may have to figure this is inappopriate for himself...May be one of those situations that will work itself out in time...Good luck!!


G - July 7

Thank you all for your great opinions and advice. It helps so much to hear what other people think. Thanks again and keep them coming. I will everyone posted on what I find out. It will be another week or so until we are all together again.



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