How Do I Repond To An Invite I Am 11 Weeks Pregnant

6 Replies
Kristin72 - May 2

Hi Girls..I have been invited to a neigbours stagette this Saturday. I do not know her very well but I appreciate the fact that they asked me to come. Here is my dilema. I have my IPS on Thurs. Until then I will not know much about the progression of my pregnancy other than sporatic spotting and a heartbeat heard via the doppler 2 weeks ago. None of the people going to the stagette I will know except the bride whom I have known and spoken to about 3 times... she just moved into a house we sold her two doors down. Obviously none of these people know I am pregnant. I did not want to tell her or anyone besides immediate family until I get the results of my IPS.This won't be until the following week. At the stagette we have been asked to pay $60 for hair and $15 for a bar charge..and also they have asked us to buy the bride some underwear..for a game. They are also having tai food. After the dinner and drinks they will be going bar hopping. My question is this..Should I mention to the Bride that I would like to come by for the dinner part and pay the bar charge and the hair and makeup charge just to come home as they go out on the town? Or Should I tell her I am pregnant and that I am worried about having complications (Spotting). (again we are not close at all) Or should I just politely decline the whole evening..I truly do not feel up to going to an event like this, but was only trying to be nice..the dinner thing I can handle but I don't want to feel awkward about having to explain my situation. Any advice would be appreciated..they are awaiting my response today..P.S. I just got the email invite partner says I should just go and not drink but he is not aware of how concerned I am..I just don't know what to say to her. Thankyou kindly, Kristin


annabanana - May 2

hi kristin do you want to go? if yes go just for dinner and tell them for personal reasons you cannot go for the whole night, or secondly if you dont feel comfortalbe then decline. I have been in situations like this also and if there if one thing that i learned is put your self first always. Last week the girls at work were begging me to go to for a night out to the foxes denn and i said no, i dont feel comfortable going there and i dont feel like being around anyone because honestly my hormones are raging and i love going home and relaxing. Do what you want and what makes you feel comfortable, if they understand then that s fine and if they dont then that is their problem. I am very nervous because i have my ips tomorrow morning and i am just scared. I will let you know tomorrow how it goes. Good luck and take care


Hopeful and excited - May 2

Dear Kristin, It sounds to me that you don't really want to go and also that it will make you feel uncomfortable if you have to make excuses during the night. I think you have every right to "politely decline" - and I can understand your concerns completely. Here's my suggestion for an 'excuse' - simply explain that you've recently been to the doctor about your stomach which has been bothering you and he has advised you to stay off alcohol and spicy food for the next week or so to give your 'system' a break (explain that he reckons that will sort the problem so that she doesn't worry unnecessarily) and say that you don't want to put a 'downer' on the whole evening by having to abstain from everything. Perhaps you could buy and wrap the underwear and give it to her before the party and invite her round to your house for coffee (decaff of course! LOL!!) sometime next week to find out how the whole evening went. You don't need to feel bad about not going and you must put yourself first. That is vital at the moment. Hope this helps and remember - it's only a white lie for the benefit of your baby. I'm sure the bride will understand (and have a little chuckle) when she finds out what the real reason was and can congratulate you on your own fabulous celebration! Good luck!


Kristin72 - May 2

Annabanna and Hopeful, Thankyou for responding. Your advice was great! I feel I can confidently decline and possibly send a small gift of lingerie as a gesture in my absence. I knew what I wanted to do but I was afraid I was being selfish about my pregnancy and maybe I was just being silly. Annabanana~ I too am nervous of my IPS..try to remain as calm as possible..the procedure itself can be quite nice as you will have a smile on your face when you see your baby moving and it's heart beating...don't forget to ask for a pic! Just remember despite any results.. the odds of having a perfectly normal baby are in your favour. This will just be the soft marker to look for concerns. Even when I was considered high risk on my last pregnancy and I had a NT of 4.0 which is highish..When I went to go for the CVS the Doctor there told me that the 4.0 in her eyes was not that high. My pregnancy eventually ended as my little beans heart was not strong enough. I have good faith that you will be just fine. For me on the otherhand...i feel like i have been there before and I am praying for a good result this time. Hopeful~ So nice to hear from you truly. I have thought of you often, in fact this over-35 board seems to have taken a bit of a nose dive since your loss. I can't help but think how your positive words were the backbone of our November babies section. How are you doing? You really took your loss in an intelligent and inspiring way. I have to admit it was hard for me to hold my composure when I had my loss in December. Hopeful, I just want you to know that the day after my D&C I began charting my basal temps..I really wanted to get back intouch with my body again so I could know when I was going to ovulate. I even bought an ovulation prediction kit which I used in the second month and also on the 15th day of my second cycle..low and behold I was pregnant again. The problem with us was not getting pregnant it was just having the perfect conditions for the baby...I am still hoping this is the one that is the keeper. Also, I continued taking my prenatal viatmins so that when I did get preggers my body would be more than ready.. Best of luck to you my friend.. And Best of luck with your IPS Anna Thankyou both again for your advice :) XO Kristin


Perl - May 2

Kristin, sounds like a fun "stagette" (that must be a Canadian or regional term? We call them bachelorette parties in California). Anyway, it sounds like you have your answer already and even though it sounds like a fun party you would not necessarily have a good time because of worrying over your tests, etc. so why bother going. Besides, you don't really know anyone and they would probably ask you why you weren't drinking and would probably try to get you to drink "just one drink". I like Hopeful's suggestion. If the bride-to-be was a close friend of yours then I'd be more inclined to say you should be there for her for part of the party. But she's not and you should not feel obligated to be there. I vote for declining politely to the whole shindig. You can always tell her later, when you're ready, the reason why you had to decline (pregnancy and IPS stress) if you wish. Either way, you need to look out for yourself and stay away from alcohol and uncomfortable situations.


Kristin72 - May 3

Thanks for responding Perl. Last night I emailed my neighbour.. (that is the way I was invited.) I told her in a nutshell that I was 12 weeks pregnant and that I had wanted to keep it under wraps until I was in the clear healthwise. I mentioned I had had some complications..and that I had an ultrasound on Thursday but did not want to leave things until the last case I did not feel up to going. I apologized but wished her well..and said I would be in touch soon. I will drop off a small gift and bring it by in the afternoon on Saturday before the stagette starts. Thankyou all.. for you help you give me the confidence to do this, I still feel akward for telling her the reasoning..but I thought it was best to be honest even though I am not that close to her..she has a pregnant sister and I thought she might understand my situation. XO Kristin


miraclebaby - May 3

I say just decline and say your sorry you have previous engagements that evening and maybe you can go to dinner or something. No ways would I risk something happening to the baby or you getting too stressed out, those parties are wild. It's not worth it to me and especially if its someone your not even close with. Good luck



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