87 Replies
noelle - October 27

I would like to hear the opinion of you ladies who are over 35 and pregnant. I think you will have a better imput on my situation. My mother just told me she is pregnant, the woman is 38 years old!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE, I am 20 and am 4 months with my child. I dont want to be pregnant together with my mother, that is just creepy!!! I am mad at her in a way, because she knew I was preg, why did she do it, she had her turn when she was younger, this is making me so upset, like she is stealing the spotlight!! please tell me something positive about this horrible situation


Lena - October 27

When I was 23 my best friend's mother gave me advise that I'll never forget. We were in Hawaii at the time, walking everywhere in bikinis and laughting at the "older" women on the beach. Quite simply she said, "You will always feel like you are 23 yrs old. Its only when you look in the mirror that you'll realize you aren't 23 anymore." I am now 39 and to be honest, feel better than I did when I was 23. I'm far more emotionally and financially secure than I was in my 20's. I'm less judgemental, more understanding, and more willing to make my relationships work. To be honest, I can't imagine having a child at anytime earlier in my life. I feel that I'm finally able to give my child the emtional and financial support that I feel will make my baby healthiest and happiest. I don't mean this as a slap to you or anyone else in their 20's, just simply my experience. Instead of being jealous, you should be happy for your mom. Pregnancy shouldn't be about shining a spotlight on the mother-to-be, it should be a spotlight on the baby and that upcoming baby will be your sister or brother.


noelle - October 27

Lena, thank you that was very wise and helpfull, but isn't it supposed to be that you have children in your 20s, I mean thats how its always been!!! How do I seperate the feeling between being around my own son and being maternal, to then being a sister to a baby that is my brother or sister? that confuses me so much!


RL - October 27

Well first of all have you talked to your mom about why she chose to have another baby? Has she remarried or something? I am 35yrs old and pregnant for the 3rd time my reason for having another baby is I remarried and my husband does not have any children yet this is his first and while I thought I was done having kids after my 2nd well here I am again and older it was not what I was planning...but I am very happy about it now. So maybe your mom has her reasons for having another child and you may not realize this but 38 is not over the hill and when your 38 your gonna see that I remember when I was in my early 20ies I thought that was so old now that I am 35 well it just does not seem as old to me ha ha lol Please just give your mom a chance maybe she thought it would be good to have a baby close to yours due to this will prolly be her last due to age and she did not want it to be an "only child" due to you are grown....try to think positive thoughts it won't do you any good to be nasty about it it will just cause you stress and that is not good for you or your baby good luck and I hope you will be happy for your mom in time.....


Mindy - October 27

Now a days 38 is not too old to have a baby. Women wait to have their babies in their 30's because they want to go to college and a have a career first. Your mom is really young to have a 20 year old and a grandchild on the way. Try to be excited for your mom, I doubt very much she wants to take the spot light from you and your son or daughter will always have someone to play with. Good Bless!


lydia - October 27

"Ask yourself this question". How would you feel is anything happened to your mum or her baby ? God gave you and your mum the gift of new lives, share exepriences, questions, doubts and joys together as your pregnancy progresses. You need each other as a family and most importantly support. good luck to both of you . God Bless


noelle - October 27

thank you again ladies, you are right i would never want anything to happen to my mom, but i felt so xcited to make her a grandamother and stuff, but now things are twisted, maybe its my preg hormones acting up and stuff,... its like that movie FATher of the BRide part 2 , i watched it yesterday and totally started crying!!!!


jenn - October 27

wow. how cool is that, you and your mom preg at the same time. she had you really young. 18 i calculate. my daughter and I are 20 yrs apart so i am preg with my 4th at 37. I bet your mom is happy to be having a baby at this age, I personaly think you are being kinda selffish and want all the lime light on yourself. time to grow up ! your going to be a big sis and shes going to be a gramma.. you only have one mother. treat her with the respect you expect to be treated with...


Erin - October 27

Is this for real? Where do you live that women only have children in their 20s. I actually live in a part of the country where women who go and have children in their early 20s are few and far between. Most of my friends have not had children until they are at least 30. I was the "teen-age" mom so to speak, having had my first at 29. I remember women in my mother and baby group who were 12 years older than me. You need to broaden your horizons a bit, Noelle. Lots of women pursue careers and choose to have their families when they are bit more adult.


noelle - October 27

I am not saying that its not normal to have children in your 30 and 40s but its not like I am too young, I live in Nashville, and women here start having babies early on.... I don't think my mother planned to have this child... it just happened, i though she already went through menopause. ANyway, yes I know I am being selfish, but doesn't anyone understand my point of view at all??


Maura - October 27

noelle, I understand your opinion on this. I have a 21 year old daughter who has a daughter of her own, I couldn't imagine telling her " hey you are going to be a sister" because she is a mother now, and I'm a grandmother... however thing just happen sometimes and even though you are angry and confused try to be happy for her, she probably didn't plan it, and had to come to terms with it too herself!! good luck to you all


marcie - October 28

sorry noelle I don't undrestand your problem.Ok thinking about your parents having s_x can make some feel yucky,but they had you.My brother-in-law had his 4th child,6mths later he became a grandad,but there's more to life to worry about than that.Its what happens when people have their children young.Your mother is only 38,some women are only having their 1st at that age,be it careers,not meeting the right person,or in mandy's case being too scared to have kids so her life is on hold.As for asking your mum why she is having more.I would say it is nothing to do with you,like you choosing to have a baby,bet she never asked you.Its each of your lives,you should be supportive,and share pregnancy experiences and fears,not judge her.I feel so long as you are a good mother whats the problem?I get annoyed with teenagers who get pregnant then expect other people to pay for their children,or expect their own mothers to help out,they raised a child once,why do their own childs kids too?


Mindy - October 28

You thought your mom already went through menopause AT 38. Noelle, you sound like a young teenager when you say stuff like that, not some women that is 20 years old. Most women don't go through menopause until their late 40's and early 50's. I have to say, you sound a little immature for someone that is 20 years old and planning on being a mom also.


Erin - October 28

I have to agree with Mindy. Noelle, you should just get past these feelings and be glad you have your mom to help you through the next few years. They're going to be rough... Are you married? In a committed relationship? How do you intend to support your child? I'm asking because I would have loved to have started a family in my early 20s. I even got married early (first time at 22). I was adult enough to do that, but waited six years until we were more established to bring a child into the world.


Erin - October 28

If you're looking for sympathy,you're probably posting in the wrong place. Try the teenage mother board here, or I think parentsplace.com has a discussion board for pregnant women in their 20s.


noelle - October 28

Marcie, Erin, I am not a teenager, I am 20 yeas old and married, my husband is 28 and this child is planned. The reason that i posted on this forum is not to get sympathy but to gain an understanding from women my mother's age, because I don't want to be ignorant. Like I said i am not a teenager and I don't want my mom to pay for my baby, that is ridiculous! I just thought that some of you could show that its not a bad situation...


Mindy - October 28

Noelle- I'm glad you are trying to get a grip on your feelings and you are trying to get some advice but when you say stuff like you thought you mother already went through menopause, that sounds like a 14 year to me. You must know when women start to go through menopause. I don't want to put you down but you need to make it a goal of thinking more positive about the whole situation. You have too!!! You have a little baby brother or sister on the way. Just try to push some of these negative feeling aside. I suggest you talk to your mom on how you are feeling and get some insight from her. She is probably so excited about her new grandbaby coming and will make a big deal about your pregnancy as time gets closer. You both can be a big support system to each other but you have to get rid of any negative thoughts and be positive. Good Luck and God Bless!!



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