I M Dreading This

9 Replies
Lisa - November 17

I turned 40 in July and have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl. Yesterday I found out that I am pregnant again. I am dreading telling my husband as he has stated numerous times that he doesn't want any more children. He is 41, turning 42 next month. I already have 4 children from a previous marriage, he has one daughter to another person. That will make 7 children all in all if I go ahead with this pregnancy. I know he will insist that I terminate this pregnancy, but that goes against everything I feel....I could never live with the pain and guilt as I have in the past. I feel like running away to protect my baby. I haven't stopped crying all morning, knowing what his response will be. I'm feeling overwhelmed and anxious about telling him.


Confused - November 17

I'm sorry this has happened, when your husband has been so outspoken about not wanting more children. I'm sure it's beyond upsetting, and that's the last thing you need right now. However, he shouldn't be so upset because he's part of the reason you're pregnant...that is, if for certain you are. Do you trust the testing you had 100% for the results? Perhaps your husband should consider a vasectomy, if he doesn't want more children. Even though you're super nervous about it, if you're certain you're pregnant, he'll eventually find out. He might as well be told now, so he has time to adjust to the event, and time to arrange for a vasectomy so it doesn't happen again.


kris A. - November 17

Lisa, I know you're scared, but you answered your own question when you said abortion is against everything you feel. Dont get me wrong, I'm pro-choice, but you clearly have already chosen, and good for you! Like confused says, it takes two - so like it or not he bears responsibility for this child. The sooner you tell him the better for your emotional well being. I wish you the best of luck.


Mindy - November 17

Lisa- Stop feeling guilty about this pregnancy, remember it takes two to make a baby. Tell your husband as soon as possible and tell him to get that vasectomy so he does not have to worry about having more children. Don't let him talk you into having an abortion, stand up for your little one. He will get over it.


umm - November 18

I am sorry this happened to you but at your ages (both you and hubby) don't you know what birthcontrol is? I mean if you just had a baby that is 9months old and you are 40 and knew you both did not want anymore why did you not concider having a tubal or he could have gotten himself done...come on I just can't feel that bad for you when there are sooooo many ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy and I really am not trying to be mean at all truely wish you the best...just wondering what you both were thinking that's all....


Lisa - November 18

You're absolutely right. I feel foolish for being so inconsistent in taking the birth control pills, which is why i feel guilty about it all. I blame myself. Its not like i didn't know they have to be taken each day. Anyway, I told him last night and as I expected, he said NO WAY we can have another child. I wish i could feel excited about it, but I have no idea what the future holds now.


Confused - November 19

What's his "no way can we have another child" supposed to mean? Abortion? As the others have said, as well as you, it's against what you believe in. Don't even entertain the thought. Your husband should be supportive of you through this, and should get a vasectomy, too. He can't get all grumpy, and huff and puff about your pregnancy. That child didn't start growing all by itself.


kris A. - November 19

No doubt about it, 7 is alot of kids... but baby is here. I would just ignore hubby about new baby for now... give him a while to get resigned to the idea, and then get more accepting. We all know what the miracle of ultrasounds and heartbeats will do to make baby more concrete and less of a disposable problem. I would try to make this as easy as possible for him for a little while, but in the end he does bear responsibility as well. Promise to tie tubes after baby... and best wishes.


wannabeamomagain - November 20

Lisa - Your new baby is a blessing. I am 39 and have been trying to conceive for the past year without success. While I am still hopeful that it may someday happen I have also reconciled myself to the fact that I may never be able to conceive again. I realize that seven kids are alot but they are all gifts from God. Babies are miracles...I would give anything to be in your shoes. Give your hubby some time to come around. I'm sure things will be fine once he has had a chance to think about it. Good luck to you. Have a wonderful pregnancy!


Lisa - November 21

Thanks for the support and great advice ladies. I agree that baby's are miracles and I feel blessed that I can have children. This baby will be just as special as my other children. I think you are right in saying that it will take him a bit of time to adjust and he will get over it. Wannabeamomagain, good luck, I sincerely hope you are successful in conceiving the baby that you so dearly want...it took me over 12 months to conceive my last baby. I ended up conceiving when I gave up worrying about it. :o)



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