I M So Depressed-pg112035051818

4 Replies
Jamie - July 2

I'm finding myself incredibly depressed lately, especially on the weekends when everyone is home, yet it seems like they still aren't. Hard to explain really. I'm home every day through the week, usually all day long with nowhere to go, and a broke down car to boot. Hubby comes home in the eves, he's tired, wants to unwind, eat, watch tv and go to sleep. He's here on the weekends, but he often goes out with our son, leaving me home for hours (I can't handle the discomfort of going fishing for hours) When he gets home, he then crawls into the tv for the weekend races which is several more hours where I still feel alone. I'm going nuts. I talked to him about it the other week, but nothing ever changes, he acts as if he has no clue, which I think is an excuse not to step up and do anything about it. We're having a hard time with finances lately, guess who is in charge of those? Yep.. I'm tired of it being my problem to work out because when it gets this stressful I'd like him to step in and help deal with it - no clue again. I don't know where to get the funds to fix our car, and the loan is due on it, so they are demanding a very large final payment. Some other bills are behind due to trying to pay the car bill.. it just keeps domino'ing. When I told him we were pregnant months ago, I felt so special and wanted and appreciated and loved for a few weeks.. now I feel like nothing more than someone who lives here to keep the house clean, dishes washed, and laundry done. I feel like he walks around me like I have the plague, always so distant. I don't know what to do. I need to feel important, I need to feel like I have a partner, but I don't know how to make him take note and actually care to do something on his end to help me feel like I'm more to him than a housekeeper :( Thanks for letting me vent.


Brenda - July 4

I feel for you! Like they say-"When it rains it pours!" Trust me, you are not alone!! You didn't mention anything about siblings or parents. Do they live near by? My sister is the one who keeps me sane. I spend lots of time at her house & talking to her on the phone. It sounds like you need someone-just to talk to. When they go for their fishing trips, go to a friends or relatives house & visit with them. The housekeeper thing-been there too. I finally stopped picking up after him & leaving his dirty dishes & clothes. He started pitching in(after I got the- I don't do anything around here anymore speech) I just told him how hard it was to keep everything going by myself & once he started doing things to help me out(I had to praise him for doing such a Great job) he realized that it isn't easy to keep everything going. Hang in there & I'm sure things will get better! Best of Luck!!


Yoshi - July 5

You are not depressed... but need help, YOUR help. I was there too. I could tell you sweet bla bla but ...it might sound stupid and hard to take, listen… big part of it is (might be) just inside your head, sorry to tell you that. When I started to take each people’s act as they were (without supposed third meanings behind), everything started to make sense again. It worked to me. I stopped asking for an unrealistic attention from people. Every little thing people did I thought it was against me. I blamed myself for each wrong thing. Always crying. Always expecting people to see it and do something about it. Then I started to make thing up like my husb must have other girl, he hates me... I am just furniture, etc. I was pushing him far and dreaming he comes back with sweet words! Men don't understand that! They do not come back if they are not wished for! They REALY don't know what to do! It is not on purpose (it is not!). My husb (he really didn’t have a clue how to help me; I started to tell him what he could do to make me feel better, small things. It worked. Please, prize him a lot for the small helps. He will be happier too and help more. And read a lot! Don't laugh it works...I read: “Men are from mars women are from Venus”. “Feeling Good”. “Undoing Depression”, among other. Find others even better! Please do not wait people to help you. Do it for yourself. You are a wonderful person and worth of love. Find small pleasure things you can do with yourself. (Singing, dancing, reading, window shopping, whatever) Things will get back just fine … financially too. They always do!! Find a friend too Please take care of yourself! Sorry if I hurt you. I am…but that’s a way! I was there...and sometimes back! But now I know what to do! Get busy! Pleasure-like busy! Good luck!


meli - July 8

you are not alone i a__sure you. please understand that you need to understand that you ARE important whether or not someone makes you feel that way or not. Your children think you worth more than gold and you are not alone with them in your life. LEARN to understand and accept that. If you have parents or sibling or friends be with them or talk to them. I am alone also and have come to terms that i am special no matter what i do in my life ( even doing dishes and laundry) . Learn to love yourself and value who you are and what you do daily even in the "so callled" little things. also i go to God with all my feelings and frustrations as well as my joys and he heals better than any man woman friend or whoever can. trust me on this one, you will NOT be sorry. CONGRATS and hold your head high sweetie


to Jamie - July 9

Hi Jamie. I'm surprised that some seem to say, you should just 'grin and bear it.' I don't think this is just about loving yourself and accepting your lot, telling yourself it aint half bad really. I sympathize because your marriage sounds like its in a rut, and there are so many other women in the same boat as you. (Men too of course.) The scenario you describe, is almost cla__sic, the tired hubby coming home with little else on his mind than his prized TV, the wife who feels like she little else than an unpaid maid. I do not think it is right, to accept the situation, by 'loving yourself' or whatever. You are right to be upset, because who wants to feel unappreciated and not needed? He was able to make you feel special some time ago, so why not now? I think only if you admit to yourself, that things are not good in your relationship, and that it's perfectly okay to want more, your marriage stands a chance of being happy and mutually fulfilling. Accepting the situation will simply cause more stagnation, boredom and frustration. At least one half of the couple has to speak up. Marriages are very special, meaningful unions, and you respect marriage by maintaining its special meaning. If you no longer question your marriage or try and improve it, you're doomed. Of course you need to feel like a partner, and though he may not realize it, I'm sure he needs that too. It's just that your marriage has become a 'state of being', rather than an evolving partnership. Marriage does require effort, determination and the will to keep it alive. It does not happen on its own. If you take stock now, you stand a better chance than if you wait, til another child draws attention away from your union even further. I don't have the right answer for you, or the perfect solution. I just know that it is good that you realize how frustrated you are. Because maybe you can use this dissatisfaction to turn it into a positive force. He needs to understand, that there is a problem you both need to address. Of course he will be happier too, if you both are happy. But you can't achieve this, if you two don't tackle this together. Don't hound him down, and wear him thin, but do try and talk. This problem will not go away on its own. Unfortunately that is why so many marriages end up broken, because someone breaks out of the rut, and the only way they see fit, is to leave. I hope it never needs to come to that, because I hope that you both find common ground. I'm sending you lots and lots of good wishes.



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