Jealous 15 Yr Old

7 Replies
chris mandola - May 15

Hi ladies, I am 41 and have a 21 yr. old daughter & 15 yr. old daughter. I just had a baby, she's 3 months old. I thought it would be great having to older daughters to help with baby. My oldest shows very little interest and my 15 year old is extremely jealous. I make sure I don"t talk about baby to her, just about her life. My husband, her stepdad, also coaches her softball team so she does get attention from us. Anyway, I'm really fed up with her mean att_tude towards baby. She's says baby cries too much and she never cried when she was a baby. That I hold her too much and send too much time taking care of her etc. Anyone else have this problem? My daughters did not even come see me in hospital. My oldest said now I will have my perfect new family.


Perl - May 16

Chris, I can't say I know what you're going through because I'm only pregnant with my first but it sounds to me like your daughters feel as if they are being replaced by a new baby. They are being very insecure and need a lot of rea__surance but they also need to be told firmly that they are your family and family members are expected to come together to share happy moments and help each other out. I remember back to a long time ago when my own mother was 40 and she was pregnant with my brother when I was 13 (my sisters were 17 and 18), I was so jealous. I can remember this vividly because I used to keep a diary and I read it over recently. Before my brother was born and for a couple of months afterwards I referred to my brother as "her stupid baby" and worse things (I know very mean and immature) but within months when my mom insisted that I either make dinner or help her by holding the baby I felt forced to help her with the baby. That's when I warmed up to him. I'm the one who got my brother potty-trained and I helped him take his first steps when he started to walk. Then I started referring to my baby brother as "my little baby". Could you maybe ask your 15 year old to hold her baby sister for a few minutes from time to time? Just keep a very close watch on her until you feel comfortable that she will not hurt or ignore the baby , but pretend to be doing something else. You may also share some of your fond memories of your 15 year old when she was a baby. In other words even though you may feel like slapping your 15 year old, cut through her meanness with kindness and affection and expect her to do either more chores to free up your time or help take care of her baby sister. It worked to help the situation between my mother and I when I was an immature 13 year old child. I hope that in time (soon) your daughters will come around and show more love and affection for their baby sister. Good luck to you.


gma36 - May 16

Oh boy, I know where you are coming from. It was only my daughter and I for the longest time then I got into a steady relationship and 5 years down the road we decided to have a child together. My daughter was 13 at this time and I thought for sure she would be my perfect helper, well I was wrong, she did come and see me at the hospital but not once has she changed my son's bottom or fed him for me. She always complains of how she don't get any mommy time and how I am with my son 24/7, (he is now 2.5 yrs old) well she just turned 16 the end of March and now she is pregnant. I think this is a way to get back at me, know what I mean? Best of luck to you! Ever feel like talking I'm here.


marranie - May 16

You could try agreeing with your daughter when she says something like the baby cries too much, like "yes she does cry alot, drives me nuts sometimes, you and your sister were much easier, still i love you all even when you dont behave perfectly". As for the perfect family snide remark, dont get baited, just say yes, "my family was perfect before and is still perfect now, though i could do without the noise and the smelly diapers!", and laugh and give your big girls a hug. Maybe let them know that its not all a bed of roses with the new baby (even if you are enjoying every minute) and how much you appreciate having grown up girls around the place.


miraclebaby - May 17

Wow, I must say they both sound jealous to me, a 15 year old girl is tough enough anyways to deal with. I would try and spend some one on one time with the girls and leave the baby with the husband now and then. Go to the mall for a couple hours and leave the baby with hubby maybe that will help the issue. Good luck.


ThePezChick - May 17

I'd suggest counseling rather than getting angry. Sounds like both of your daughters feel threatened by your new life... husband and baby. My 13 year old step-daughter didn't react positively when we told her we were pregnant. (My husband is technically her stepdad, but the only dad she has ever known. He loves her as if he was her birth father.) She didn't say nasty things. Instead she just didn't say a thing. A few weeks ago we had her come to the ultrasound with us. Afterwards, on the way to a music festival, we talked about her and the baby. I told her how much I loved her and that we could never love anyone more than her. I said we would love Zeb, our son in-utero, as much as her but never more. I went on to say how lucky we were to have TWO wonderful children. She felt threatened that we would love the baby more and that she would lose part of her dad. She just needed to be rea__sured that we would love her the same with or without the baby. Good luck. I'm sure it's tough. I know it's frustrating but anger will only hurt the situation in my opinion. I think they need rea__surance and to know you will always love them as you have.


chris mandola - May 29

Thank you for all your input. It helps just to talk about it and hear your advice. I think things will get better as time goes on. Lately most of the criticism is about b___stfeeding. My oldest said, isn't Ember too big to b___stfeed, she's almost 4 months. It's so gross I can hear her sucking. Bottle feeding is just as good etc. etc. So much loving support!


miraclebaby - June 2

I hate to say it, your girls are just being typical teenage girls, some of them can be mean, mouthy, snotty etc.... They go through these awful periods. I have a neighbor who's daughters are 13 and 17 and they just had an addition to the family.And its strange but just yesterday I was talking with the 17 yr.old and I asked her if her mom b___stfeed the baby and she replied yes and its awful. She was sickened by it too. take care



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?