November Mommies Thread Starting 6 18

71 Replies
christa0120 - June 18

Let us get the new thread started...Happy pregnancies everyone.


christa0120 - June 18

Well...I don't know if it is hormones or what but I can not be more distanced from DH then I am right now. I don't even like him. There is nothing he can do or say to help the situation either. Last night I bought him a fathers day card and I had such trouble picking one out because of how lovey dovey there were. I have no idea how I am going to take this much longer. At this moment I want out! Fantastic aye? Now you all know why I haven't wanted to post. The pregnancy is progressing as it shoud. I have my ultrasound on Friday morning. I am kinda looking forward to it...if only for my son to see. I'll post again later....


Kristin72 - June 18

Hi Christa, I'm glad you started a new post...the old one was getting so long again. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling distance from your dh. I hope you can still focus your positive energies toward your pregnancy and hopefully things will level themselves out. If he has not done anything specific to upset you, than just give things the time and space you need. Remember to do things for yourself ..and I mean treat yourself to a day with the girls or a shopping spree or as simple as a walk in the park to re-charge your batteries. I know how men can be insensitive jerks or just plain irritating even if they are not trying to be. Try to remember what brought you together tin the first place and the love that helped you conceive the baby and you can pa__s that energy onto your baby in the months to come. I hope things can work out before then. I hope he is being supportive of your pregnancy..and if not you should both sit down and discuss the issues you seem to be dealing with head on. If you feel you need someone else to talk to for support now is the time...I worry about your happiness..truly this should be one of the happiest times of your life..and your man has to be there for you..and if he is willing to be there, then you should open your heart for the sake of the little one. I hope you can cheer up! You can do it and your little one will thank you..Good Luck on your ultrasound on Friday..hoping your son get's a kick out of it as well :) ...P.S. maybe the dh should come along for the may draw you both closer together than you think! Good Luck :) XO Kristin


christa0120 - June 18

Kristen...thanks for the words of encouragement...BUT...far off the mark. DH is still the same as he was. This is NOT by any means the best time (or one of) my life. As I stated in much earlier threads...I am not exactly thrilled about my pregnancy. I try not to post much because everyone here is at a different stage then I am. Most of you are 1st times. Experiencing everything for the 1st time, feeling so earthy and motherly. I have been there and done that and the hype is just not there for me. I have had thoughts I am not ready to confess to, I want to run away from my situation in a bg way but I can not. I saw a counselor to help me with my "feelings'. I have tried everything to come to grips with this. I AM NOT HAPPY! I DO NOT WANT TO BE PREGNANT. You ask how I can say these thigs? The guilt of saying it is huge too. A bit of history...I suffered infertility. It took drugs and procedures and years to conceive my son Bryce, now 6. I love him and worship the ground he walks on. I wanted another. For 6 long years I had hoped that I would get pregnant again. Month after month went by and nothing. I MOVED ON. I had TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY ACCEPTED the reality that I would only have one child. I moved on. I accepted it with every cell of my being. A couple of months later I am pregnant. All I wanted was a little fun that night. I didn' want to take it seriously! It wasn't me making love to my husband. It was me wanting to get laid...pure and simple. It could have been anyone...I did not care...I was h__y! So you see ladies. I am in such a different frame of mind then you all. I am having a ton of guilt and negative feelings regarding this pregnancy. I read your posts evetday hoping that I will feel as if you do. I dont post (often) because I dont want to poison the waters. I can not be the cheer leader that some of you are to eachother (as much as I wish I could) I don't hink that DH is doing or saying anything that is not supportive or that he is doing anything differently then he did before this happened. IT IS ALL ME. Well, I don't know how well this is worded or even if it is remotely PC. Good luck.


COL - June 18

christa0120, hi , I am not an expert, and I never been pregnant, and I think if I ever get that, I am not sure how I would react. I read your story, and in a way or another I can relate. I am not sure how old are you, but I would guess it’s over 35. This stage in woman life they call it (a__sessment Time) its inventory of your life. The level of stress is above and beyond, this is where you evaluate your choices, accomplishments, and what is next. So its normal to have all of those doubts about almost everything around you, your husband, your friends, even sometimes your close family, in your case you are debating something you worked hard for, for 6 years, and when it happened, you are not sure if you want it anymore. Working on something for 6 years is not an easy task, especially when it’s out of your control, the frustration, the anger, and feeling of failure, create some kind of resentment. The resentment feeling might expand to include everything and everybody around you. Now in your case, it’s not only all the above, but to top it all, the hormones in your body are raging, causing you to be in a worse state of mind. I would suggest, that do not try to make any major dissections, making any major move at this time, might be something you regret for the rest of your life. Try not to feel guilty and try just to live with this feeling until you get your baby, don’t push your self to be excited about your pregnancy, just take what you have now. Hope this help, good luck and God bless you.


Perl - June 19

Christa, don't worry about being PC, or about not feeling maternal or like a cheerleader, as you put. That's alright. You've gone through quite a struggle and I can see why you are having these thoughts and feelings you described. The fact that you've sought counseling is good and so is the fact that you know where your feelings stem from. If I'm reading you correctly it sounds like you have already discovered that you are feeling distant from your husband because part of you resents the fact that you are pregnant and in part you are blaming your husband and yourself for having s_x (being close ) because that is how you became pregnant--even if you were just being h__y. You can not blame yourself or your husband, and I know that's easier said than done! You seem to have a wonderful relationship with your son Bryce and hopefully in time you will develop a similar relationship with this baby you're carrying. I know you've mentioned before that you're not prepared to go through all the things again that you did with your first baby (losing your peace and quiet that has come with your son getting a little older now) and I have to agree that being pregnant is not always fun but hopefully all the bad will be outweighed by a bond with your baby that can only be strengthened with time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Do something nice for yourself or just try to keep having fun with your son and your husband--one step by small step at a time!


happpygal - June 19

Dear Christa: HAHhaha...your post gave me a laugh, only because I can totally relate!! The other night I threw a romote control at my husband....not usual behavior for me, but I just felt like he was being such as ARSE! He was like, "no excuse for that..." and I rattled off "no excuse for this, and that and the other..." For me, it's for SURE HORMONES. I, like you, suffered from infertility and two miscarriages...I kind of gave up and was planning on what it would be like living w/o a child and I had gotten used to the idea, as well....sounds like you were resolved to have only your one. Funny, when we let go of outcomes, sometimes things happen that we couldn't have expected. Perhaps BECAUSE you let go of your expectations...your real desire came true. At one point you know you wanted another child, you just wanted it on YOUR terms in YOUR time......I can toally relate to that (I'm very much type A...if you'll excuse the pop psychology a___logy). And I'm NO earth mother, believe you me.....I feel like I have a bowling ball in my tummy that I wish was not there, I'm not one to romanticize my pregnacy, it's been really difficult for me so far. So know that there's at least one of us who can relate to your feelings. I'm not very happy wiht my DH right now, either and just sort of wish if he's not going to be helpful and hopeful to me, than he should just take a hike because I'm more happy being alone. Of course, knowing myself, I KNOW this too shall pa__s, that these hormonal extreme feelings are by no means solid. Just allow yourself to be wherever you are....


in the woods - June 19

Christa, hopefully, there's a new world out there that's not known to you yet that will amaze you and make up for all the mental struggles you are going through right now. The world of interactions between your two children and them and you the parents. Imagine: They have similar laugh and giggles and this fact melts your heart. Your baby looks at his/her big brother with stars in her eyes because, to her, he is the wisest person in the world. He/she imitates his walk/talk/taste - which is very funny at times. Your son does feel and act wiser when teaching him/her to catch a b___terfly/play basketball/build a sand castle. They play, fight, learn to love and appreciate each other. They have nicer, more rounded characters. Now, you can't imagine loving someone as much as you love your son. You'll be floored at how strongly you can love the new human being. No matter how ambivalent you're feeling when pregnant. I had a scare with my second when he was airlifted to fly to a major hospital (nothing serious, thankfully) but it did make us appreciate the gifts we were given and reminded how fragile life is.


Hopeful and excited - June 20

Just wanted to say to "in the woods" that I think what you wrote was wonderful. Some very wise words there which are incredibly touching and hopefully will help christa0120 during her time of confusion.


Perl - June 21

Agreed! And nice to know Hopeful is still among us. **** Where are all you Nov. mommies with your various test results and appointments??? I know things are happening for a few of you this week but lost track (plus we're on a new thread & I don't feel like clicking back to the old one to look up this info). My next OB appointment is next week on the 29th. I'm thinking Kristin and maybe others will have one about the same time. : )


aalexand - June 21

Hello everyone glad to here all is well with you guys. Christa0120 things will get better for you, i'm sure it's your hormones and they have a way of having their way with us. At times my hormones get the best of me but God always remind me of the gift he has blessed me with; and think of it like this some gifts you get you don't appreciate it until you open the package and actually see the beauty of the gift; so once November gets her and you actually see the beauty of the gift God has given you, you will feel better and your husband will too. Just pray and ask God to help you to appreciate the child he has blessed you with. It's a good thing you posted how you feel because keeping it bottled up inside will only make things worst and i feel all the Nov mommies on this thread will encourage you and not criticize you for expressing your feelings. So continue to post your feelings the good and the bad because we are here to support each other.


MellyMel - June 21

CHRISTA~I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but I hope your situation gets better soon. Is it just hormonal do you think or have you had problems before the pregnancy? Maybe marital counseling will help you both if you give it a try. I know what you mean about the lovey dovey cards. I had to pick them out years ago when I was engaged before my husband to another man and I grew to hate him so much that every card I picked up I wanted to puke. Not saying this is your case, but I laughed about the card thing because I know what you mean. Thankfully that engagement did not last and I finally found the man of my dreams and married him!! Best of luck to you Friday on your ultrasound and hope you hear the news ....IT"S A BOY!! If I remember that is what you wanted right? I hope to hear it's a girl next Thursday, but if I don't that's fine too. I am taking my hubby and my son with me. We are all excited. I do have a prenatal checkup tomorrow at 1:15 and I will update then. Everyone take good care of yourselves and your bebe's! XO


Kristin72 - June 21

Hello Girls~Quick update~I just got back from my OB. The results were in from my integrated prenatal screening tests part 1 and 2. The doctor told me all my results were great and I was given odds of 1:18,000 for DS,Trisomy,and open neural defects. Going into the tests a woman of my age 38 has a 1:146 for these so he said. So I am happy that things seem to be in my favour right now. The heartbeat was 150. I have my ultrasound on Monday..will update more then. Take Care..Kristin


Hopeful and excited - June 22

Great news on your screening results Kristin! I'm sooooooooooo happy for you. In brief answer to your question on the positive thoughts thread - I think the only monitoring I will do, to start with, is CM but I do have an ovulation kit if things don't look good after about 4 months. It only took us that long the first time and as my periods were very regular (28 or 29 days) we just made love as much as possible around days 10-16 and hoped for the best. My only slight worry is that the reason for my regularity (and perhaps the MC?) was "leftovers" from the pill which I'd been on for about 13 years (even though I waited 3 months before ttc). I say this, because as far as I can remember, my periods before the pill were not that regular. However, I can't be sure because I was not really in touch with my body clock at that time. Anyway, I'm hoping for AF to arrive on Monday next week so keep your fingers crossed as that will mean I've had two periods since the MC (not including the MC bleeding) and according to my CM everything would then be working according to the norm (14 day ovulation and 28 day cycle!). My lovely husband and I have been considering trying at the next ovulation but it will very much depend on whether AF arrives when I expect it to. If not, I think we'll wait until after the next AF- after all it's only one more month and 2 out of 3 doctors I saw recommended that extra time. Anyway, keep shaking that baby dust my way. I can't wait to share some good news with all the November Mommies - I'm hoping to come back to this thread even though I'll be a May/June/July/Aug Mum - keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!


Kristin72 - June 22

I'm crossing all fingers and toes Hopeful!!! ;) Your regularity is a definite AF's were 27-28 days yet I still used the ovulation kit (the ones where you pee on a stick) I wanted to make sure my body was ovulating or about too ;) after my D&C. I never imagined I would have become pregnant so quickly, I knew I was still taking a chance with every cycle anyway..but I lucked out!! On another note~I don't want to glout but I am stilled overwhelmed with the 1:18,000 ratio result I was given yesterday..I almost started laughing when the doctor told me this because I hadn't ever imagined for odds like that. Coming from a pregnancy not too long ago that had one negative thing after another..I still find it hard to believe I can actually have a healthy one. Yesterday...was suppose to be the due date of my former pregnancy for my little girl. I was a little sentimental as I awakened in the morning. But the confidence boost at the doctors office helped me get through the day with flying colours.~~ I was speaking with my mother yesterday and she was telling me that in the U.S. they are given quite a few more tests than we have in Canada? I was trying to imagine what other tests you all may have that I do not..myabe some of you can enlighten me. At 18 weeks 1 next scheduled test will be the gluclose test in about a month. I have my ultrasound on Monday..still weary about finding out the s_x and I will tell you why. I think I have touched briefly on this before, but it is about naming the are my dilemas. ~~~ On my way to a bridal shower with my bf's mother she started in with how I should be naming my baby. I was a little put off by this as many of you may be aware from a previous post...where..I was given an ultimatum by my bf about naming the child before. The Greek tradition in his family is the first born is named after the father (whom does not speak to me and has been a completely unsupportive of my relationship for the past 6 years) His name is George..Well, my bf's mother said I must name the baby after her husband...she said he will be honoured and that he will then except me finally. I said I would consider a second name but even that I am not happy about because I feel it is the utmost respect to name a child after someone. Her husband has NO respect for me at fact he is quite rude. As well, in my family the woman has always chosen the names of the child and I am not Greek, nor am I even married to I find this rude of her to stick her nose into my naming of my child..and she has no idea about the loss I suffered either :(. On top of that, I just found out recently that because I am not married, if my child does not carry my last name atleast in a hyphenated mannor then I will not be able to travel with my baby without written consent of the father. I mentioned this to my bf who was very upset about this and would not speak to me after (he wants his last name only). The following day I again tried to explain the reasoning for this to be on the birth certificate. He did not want to hear it. I have to be honest with you bf is a bit of a macho type greek man stuck in his old school ways..and he hasn't actually made my life happy through my pregnancy. I don't even know if I even ever want to marry this man..because of his old school ways. (Anyway...I apologize for my thread going off on a tangent but this issue has been effecting me since the day I found out I was pregnant...and well beyond). Trying to put it out of my mind for now..but it is hard. Hope the rest of you are doing well..any more updates would be just great! XO Kristin Kristin


Perl - June 22

Hopeful: I hope your AF is on schedule so you and your dh can move on with TTC. It's good to hear you're being patient and following Dr's recommendations to wait. Especially since 2 of the Drs agree--they are the experts. I hope you get your BFP very soon!****Mel: how did the appointment go today???


Perl - June 22

Kristin: Congratulations!!! Those are great results. I guess it's an "integrated" test in that it combines results of your 2 blood tests as well as combining odds for all 3 abnormalities (Down syndrome/trisomy/NTDs). Your odds of 1: 18,000 sound great! Extra tests in the US? . . . .I'm not sure---out the outset they took 8 little vials of blood to check for rubella, Syphillis, HIV, Hepat_tis A & B, blood count to check for anemia, and blood type test. Urine is checked at each prenatal visit. Glucose testing is done later on unless we're considered to be at high risk for gestational diabetes. My First Trimester Screening sounds similar to your IPS only in that it checked for Down's and 2 Trisomy abnormalities (yours had extra blood screening and checked for NTDs). After FTS comes the AFP which screens open neural tube defects & abdominal wall abnormalities & down's and trisomies (again, but less accurate than FTS). If my FTS had been abnormal there would have been other options (probably a check of my and/or dh's DNA.) Test for Cystic Fibrosis is optional. Also, even though my results from First Trimester Screening were good I still had the option to do CVS or Amnio if I wanted to. Doesn't seem like we do things drastically different in the US. **I'm sorry that your bf and your potential in-laws sound like they are selfish and they really stink! Do NOT budge on giving your baby your last name. You need to be able to travel with your own baby if you need to especially if you end up not marrying your bf. It's ridiculous of your bf to insist otherwise especially since he's not even your husband. BTW, who's law, is that a Canadian immigration rule that your child needs your last name for you to travel with him/her (just curious)? Your future father in law won't accept you until after you name your child after him? IF he has not accepted you already by now because you're carrying his grandchild, it's possible he never will and naming the child after him will not change a thing except that they'll think they can push you around. I'm giving my baby my last name as well as my DH's but I have not even discussed it with my husband yet. I may get some resistance from him or his mother but it's not open for discussion that's how it's been for people of my heritage since the Medieval times---any respectable family in my culture gives a child both mother and father's last names. I'd suggest that you not discuss names any further with your bf or his family since it seems they want to take control rather than discuss. As to your MIL's baby name suggestions--be gracious and hear her out but you don't have to do as she says. If you happen to find a Greek name that you like that should be enough to please them. If you asked her how she chose her children's names would she tell you she left it all completely up to her husband's family? If she actually says she let herself be controlled by her husband and his family then you can let her know that's not the Canadian way of doing things and say "how interesting and very different our cultures and traditions are".



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