Older Dad

17 Replies
sarah - November 16

hi im 24 and my botfriend is 41 we decided to try for a baby as we have been together for 4 yrs, any one else who has an older boyfriend who is a dad or expecting, is there any worries i should have i.e downs syndrome


No name - November 16

My boyfriend is also considerably older than I am and 42. It makes no difference how old the male is. The risk of DS usually increases when the female is 35 and over, because the production of your eggs can weaken. If your man is healthy and can ejaculate normally, he can produce children over the age of 65 even.


sarah - November 16

hi thanks for that advice.


r - November 16

no it does not matter how old the guy is it is the women that has to careful when older due to we are only born with a certain # of eggs and the older we are the older the eggs and the chances of problems acur due to that but in males they make sperm all the time so they are always fresh even if the guy is older even in his 90ies his sperm are still young and new


in the woods - November 16

Actually, when I was first pregnant at 38 and my dh was 55 I was researching relation between age and pregnancy. Somewhere, I found research that said not taking into account father's age was a common mistake. There IS a relation of baby's health to father's age, though in lesser degree than mother's. Not much research done to that, unfortunately. In our case, however, we seemed to be extremely healthy/compatible/blessed because we now have the two cutest, healthy things. In any case, 41 y.o. for a male nowadays is a prime time to start a family, in no way he is "old".


L - November 17

Just like "in the woods" I'm 39 and dh is 55 and expecting our first together. We were your ages when we got married. Looking back, 24 and 41 seem young so don't worry to much and enjoy!


Tracey - November 21

Hi, i married at 20 and my husband was 37, we went on to have three healthy children who are now 15,17 and 19, unfortunately we divorced four years ago due to his excessive drinking not age, so the best of luck to you both, my ex gets on great with our kids so his age has not been a problem for them. i now find i am pregnant again at 40 with new partner, who is 48 and very worried he is to old to start again. any help on that one would be fab.


sarah - November 21

hi tracy, i think its great you are havin a child fair play to you... i think i yust need to reasure myself my boyfriend really doesnt have the problem its all really in my head i think...


Tracey - November 22

unfortunately new partner has decided he does not want to know about baby and wishes me to abort, i cannot do that as it does not feel the right thing to do, anyone else been in the same boat and can give me some advice, with hormones up the wall i dont know if i am coming or going, i had just got used to the fact i was pregnant again at 40 and had decided to go ahead with the pregnancy subject to tests etc as required when he dropped this bombshell last night.


in the woods - November 22

Tracey - has your partner have children from previous relationships? If not, it's hard to imagine him not being grateful to you for giving him such a precious gift. He is NOT too old to become a father. My dh is now 58 and every night our 2 1/2 y.o.and 10mo. old are swarming him on the floor with giggles and happinness. Your partner would miss so much...


tracey - November 22

yes he has two kids from previous marriage aged 19 and 16, he states that as we both have kids we dont need this one, i just feel that he is not the person i thought he was and he not there to support me even though he said two weeks ago he would. maybe he just hoped i would choose to abort and that would be that, if a child is made out of love by two people who love each other how can that be a bad thing... dont know what to do - too emotional to think straight.


Hi - November 22

I'm 36 and my dh is 44. I'm 24 weeks and so far everything looks good with our boy! Good luck to all!


in the woods - November 23

Tracey - how are you doing?


tracey - November 23

Hi, i am doing ok, have made appointment to see counsellor on friday to try and help me decide, but even if it means going ahead on my own i think i will continue with this pregnancy, i am not religious but i feel that i got pregnant for a reason despite being on the pill and you cannot fight fate. also i love being pregnant and having young children around. thanks for the support and caring


in the woods - November 23

Good luck to you - your heart will tell you which way is the best. It seems you are leaning more towards having the baby - it is great! It would be hard on your own, but there would be an ultimate reward - a brand new human being. Keep us posted about your decision.


sarah - November 24

hi tracey, sorry to hear what your going through... please try to be strong and make the right decision for yourself, i personally wouldn have an abortion , but do put yourself first..let me know how you are..


Maidencanada - November 24

I just read a wonderful post on another site from a 40 year old woman who went through much what you did. Her man and her decided to have a child and she even went through a tubal reversal. Finally after years, she becamse pregnant and he decided he made a mistake and wanted her to terminate. She decided no way. She packed up herself, her child from a previous marriage and went it alone. She is now due and so very happy. She is happy to have this child and raise it alone and do all the wonderful things she can to love and nurture this baby that she thought was born out of love. And her ex? Well, he is the one regretting it. Not her. You can do anything you set your mind to. Never let someone make your decisions for you. Perhaps it was a blessing that you learned now what a immature man he was instead of when the baby knew and loved him which would make it harder to seperate them. hugs



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