Too Terrified Of Childbirth To Get Pregnant

7 Replies
Lauren1970 - June 17

Hello everyone. I have always been very ambivalent about whether I ever wanted children, I just feel so afraid of so many things that could go wrong (childbirth itself, birth defects, horror stories of rips and tears and preeclampsia, will I cease to have a life, will I regret having children, will I be a terrible mother, will I want to escape, you name it). I have nightmares about being pregnant. I also worry that I have damaged my eggs through smoking and partying. But then friends tell me things like, "It's the best thing I've ever done," "They just give life so much meaning." I'm now 36 and need to make this decision in the next few years. When I've watched those baby shows with my mom, she scoffs at the women who yell, because she says it's really not that bad and that she would have been too mortified to do anything like that. Other people have told me the pain is so bad it's like an out of body experience or a giant squeezing your stomach with his giant hands. I have a pretty high pain threshold (I get cavities filled without anesthesia, am not bothered by menstrual cramps, once broke my arm and wanted to wait until our daytrip was over before going to the doctor). So basically I am wondering whether these things sound familiar to anyone and what your experience has been. I am afraid to get pregnant but am also afraid that if I don't, I will regret it later. Thanks much.


Sue Z. - June 17

Lauren, I have gone through childbirth once and I didn't have any medication except nubane and alls that did was make me tired. I wish I would have never had it. I also was on bed rest for 2 months and if I had to do the whole nine I would have. The pain wasn't that bad. You're lucky if you have such a high threshold for pain. I wouldn't worry. You may want to go talk to someone about your fears because you are OUT OF TIME, you don't have the next few years to make a decision especially if you want "children". And anyone who tells you different, they are wrong. You never know how quickly your reproductive is aging after the age of 35. Have your doctor do a day 3 FSH test so you know where you are as far as your egg quality. My sister-in-law felt the same way about it that you do and now she has endo stage 4 and has to have surgery and then do IVF because the RE said that she will never get pregnant naturally. She is also 36 and is now in a huge hurry. Women are made to give birth, and I actually couldn't wait to go through the expereince pain and all. I wanted to feel all of it because I knew how lucky I was to be able to have a baby. So don't wait because you are out of time. And yes, women do give birth after 40, but it's rare and most can't. Look at all of us who have gone through fertiltiy treatments with no luck at all. Also, having a child has been the BEST experience of my live. I love my so so much it brings tears to my eyes because I'm so lucky to be his mom. On a side note, the first word out of my mouth after I gave birth "I could do this again." So please don't wait. Sue


LadyL - June 17

I have no pain threshhold. I felt the same way you did. I have 2 kids now. I think you should decide about whether you want kids (immediately) and go from there. Modern pain meds are fantastic. With my first, I was induced with pitocin and spent months leading up to the delivery being sure my doctor was clear that I wanted an Epidural. After I was admitted, I inquired about it continually until they gave me one. For labor and delivery, I felt absolutely nothing. (Not even a contraction.) The st_tches afterwards sucked though. For the second, I learned to demand drugs in the hospital after the delivery so that post delivery (after epidural wore off) pain would be managed also. My second I had a few contractions (they did suck) before I got the epidural. No big deal, and again no pain after epi. No st_tches after either. Delivery is MUCH easier than actually being pregnant for 10 months. Do what you feel. You don't have to have kids. If you want them, just educate yourself about your pain med options and choose a doctor who shares your interest in pain management. Lots of them don't. Good luck.


lovemy3 - June 17

Hi there, I have 3 kids and with each one I did have problems with pregnancy, i had preeclampsia severely BUT I am just fine and so are my kids. These diseases of pregnancy are very rae- less than 2% for preeclampsia for example. I also had sections with each AND am just fine. as a matter of fact we are ttc #4!! I think the really bad stories are rare and people talk about all the horrors but usually all is just fine, we just don't hear those stories. If you would like like to have kids, I would urge you too because even with all that has happened to me, and I did come close to death with my preeclampsia it is worth every minute each night when i tuck my 3 kids into bed. Try and put those thoughts out of your mind and tell yourself the probability is that you will be fine and your baby will be healthy. as you age, your risks for everything do increase so don't wait too long, Good luck!!


mmelo - June 17

Hi Lauren, I know exactly how you feel!! I have gone thru the same sort of thoughts. I am 42 years old now and am terrified of everything you have related in your story. But I am also afraid that my time has run out and I don't want to live with that regret for the rest of my life. I did not have the option of getting pregnant naturally as my husband is sterile and the years just went by now I have to make the decision to do IVF w/donor and I know it is now or never. I don't know what my pain threshold is because I have never so much as had a st_tch. Scared, you betcha.


JG24 - June 20

Hi Lauren...please don't let your fear of childbirth discourage you from having children. I am almost 36, and eight weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl (who, by the way, is named Lauren). We did IUI because of my husband's fertility issues, but I got pregnant on the first try. I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy, and our daughter is perfect. My delivery was a little difficult...I had to have a vacuum delivery because her head was turned in an odd way and I couldn't push her out. However, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to have her. I did have an epidural and I'm really glad that I did. I didn't feel any of the contractions until near the end. I won't say that the delivery was pleasant, but I could definitely do it again if we decide to have another one (and I have an extremely low pain threshold). She is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to both of us. She's already started smiling, and it just melts our hearts. I never knew it was possible to love this much. Don't be will be just fine. Also, don't let your age worry you too much. Yes, your fertility starts to decline around this time, and there is a slightly increased risk of birth defects each year, but you still have an excellent chance of conceiving and having a perfectly healthy baby. Good luck to you.


Sue Z. - June 21

Lauren, I'm not trying to debate the last post from JG24, but to say that you have time at 36 may not be your case. You don't know that until you have your FSH and your estradiol tested. There are women who are 30 and have an FSH of 25. From what I've learned that's the key to age related fertility. My SIL has an FSH of 8.2 at age 36. What do you think it will be next year at 37, 9 or 10? And that is normal. 10 and over you will most likely need fertility drugs. Yes, it may happen naturally, but your chances greatly decrease. Nothing like when you were 25. I'm really not trying to start a disagreement here. At age 38, I had an FSH of 13. I wonder what mine was at 36? My OB/GYN didn't test me and I didn't know about FSH or I would have asked for the test. My RE said I was normal and your FSH is suppose to increase afte 35. I really hope you are reading all of these posts. We are just here to help you. At age 45 you can't turn back the clock and be sorry that you didn't have a baby. The happiness far out weighs any pain I went through. I'd give birth a 100 times to have my son. I'm getting more grief from him at 4 than the birth. Don't get me wrong he is a gift from God. But a smart one at that and I don't know where he ever got the idea that he was in charge : )


marranie - June 21

I never really was keen on having children, then at 34 decided to do it. Didn't have the internet or any information (good) so didn't have a care in the world. Pregnancy went smoothly, labour was painful for 6 hours and a beautiful baby girl. Now i am 45 and expecting baby no 3 (natural pregnancy), have a few little fears (induced by Too Much Information) but i do know if i hadn't taken the plunge to have babies i would definately regret it. As for fear of childbirth, it is just a day in your life, and as my mother says 'you know you are alive when you are in labor!". And that high you get afterwards would be up there with the satisfaction a mountain climber gets on reaching the peak, hard work and pain but wow.... And Lauren, if you can go to the dentist without aneathesia.... i think labor will just be a walk in the park for you, i would rather labor than root ca___l WITH anasthetic! and mmelo, good luck with ivf, you are certainly not to old to go this route to have a baby, 42 seems quite young to me.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?