Am I Selfish

5 Replies
Kat - May 19

I am scared to post this question because i know that i am in the wrong. Before me and my husband got married i cheated on him. I am the same week that i cheated on him. I told my husband and he says that he is going to stick with me through this and that he forgives me. I told him that i want to put his name on the birth certificate and i want him to be the father of my child, even if it is not his, i want my child to grow up callin him dad. The other man knows and he says that he wants him to raise the kid as well. Is it selfish of me to want him to be the babies father? Please let me know!!!

 

Jennifer - May 19

I wouldn't say you are selfish, I would say that you are very lucky that your husband is willing to stick with you and raise someone elses child as his own. At least he knows the truth, it would be selfish if you didn't tell him the difference and led him to beleive it was his child, becuase you think he would make a better father. Anybody can be a father, but not everyone can be a Dad. That is the way I look at it.

 

SE - May 19

Yes, it sounds like it will all work out well for everyone involved. The only little problem I can think of is with medical history. If the other guy is the father then your child would have a different medical history than he may otherwise think. I don't know how important that really is but people always bring up that topic when talking about adoptive versus birth parents. Maybe you could find out about the guy's health and the health of his family so that at least someone knows.

 

Heidi - May 19

Are you sure the baby is this other guy's for sure? I'd wait till it's born and do a paternity test. You can still put your husband's name on the birth certificate but I would want to know for medical history reasons about the biological father etc. I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have with this other guy or whatnot. I would find out any medical info now and if there's anything even alarming to tell your doc about. I have a friend who cheated on her husband and they already had two kids and she got pregnant by this other guy and her husband forgave her, lucky for her, and they put his name on the certificate. She didn't want anything to do with the bio-dad and didn't want him around so she never know his medical history at all! I think if I were you I'd find out as much as you can about his family history now. If he wants a paternity test he can probably get one and then he could sue for visitation rights etc. I would try to reason with him now instead of later.

 

Lynn - May 19

I think that you are lucky you have such a loving husband. I also think that you should remember that just because you don't want anything to do with the bio dad, your child may someday want to know more about that side of his/her heritage. I hope you plan on telling your child that your husband is not his/her biological father at some point & eventually, your child will begin to wonder. Your husband will always be that child's "Dad" as far as anyone is concerned, but every person has a right to their heritage. Medical history is a must know for you & your child, its very important.

 

mel - August 5

Please realize that you have a gem in your life. your husband forgives you. this baby might be his so take a test to see for sure and please go get counceling at once. good luck girl

 

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