Beth The Stressed Out One

3 Replies
ekay - March 4

Hey there hun. I just read your post under 1st trimester about how stressed out you are. My and my hubby have been together (not married) for almost 8 years. He has NO idea how to discipline our children either. He is really hard on our boy (he missed a lot of him growing up-long story) and spoils the c__p out of our girl. I am afraid he is really going to give our son a complex. My point is I know what you are going through and I know how bad it sucks. To be honest with you, I left him when I got pregnant with my daughter because of all the c__p I had to put up with during my 1st pregnancy. He didn't come back into the picture until a month before I had her. It was the most depressing pregnancy ever. I was so depressed I felt like I seriously needed to commit myself, but I didn't want anyone to take my baby because I was in bad shape. I got on antidepressants and felt much better, but unless your fiance is abusive, which is doesn't sound like he is, I wouldn't leave. Maybe consider going to a therapist.....this is all a big change for both of you. Maybe his last wife wasn't a needy person (and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, because I am very needy in more ways that one!), but maybe she didn't care to communicate her feelings while pregnant, so he isn't used to it with you. I don't know, I really feel for you though as I am going through my own issues with my husband. Try maybe going out to dinner, just you two and talking everything over. If all else fails just knock him over the head with something heavy and metal, sometimes I feel even that wouldn't knock any sense into my husband. :-)

 

Beth - March 4

Thanks Ekay. This morning on the way to work I even thought to myself that maybe going to a therapist would be a good way for me to have someone to talk to. As for his ex wife, well she never held a job in her life, not that that is a completely bad thing, but they had three kids and she didn't do squat. He said that he would go home and the kids would still be in pjs, she would be sitting there. He would work all day and then go to the store, make dinner, wash the kids and get them in bed. So HELLO, I am NOT that way at all, I work, and then go home and do all that. . .he has a VERY good job but it almost feels to me that now that he has someone who will actually act like a mother he is going to sit back and rest. What I am sick of is his NEVER sticking to a rule once he says it. He told her she was going to sit there until she was done and then gave it, just like every other time and she knows it, and then I feel like I am getting laughed at behind my back. Needless to say I went to bed wanting to cry myself to sleep last night and this morning I got an e-mail from my fiance appologizing and saying he knows what he says can hurt sometimes and that he needs to think before he talks (basically snapping back at me) and if we, just the two of us, can go on a daye tonight because we need it. . .although I have a feeling I am going to bring up all the stuff and lay it on the table, because its the only time we can talk alone, haa haa

 

ekay - March 4

Well good. I am glad he is at least seeing the error of his ways. The problem I have found with men (mainly mine) is they will recognize the problem and the fact that it is their fault, change for a week, maybe two and then everything goes right back to same old same old. When I suggested therapy I meant for the both of you, although it might not be a bad idea for just you. Do you have any outlets (i.e. friends, relatives, hobbies) where you live? All my friends are in their early 20's and have no clue where I am coming from, so my outlets are REALLY limited here. Hopefully when you do lay everything out on the table he won't jump on the defensive side. By the way, don't you have an appointment today....and are you showing yet? You should any day now geez! Are you 14 weeks or 16 weeks, I can't remember.

 

Beth - March 4

Haa haa, you are not the only one, things will be good for awhile, if they change at all, and then go back to the same old same old. And as for people to talk to, I am actually VERY close with my mom and she has gone through ALL of this. She has myself and my brother and then my step dad has three kids, so they brought 5 of us together. She did EVERYTHING and his kids, well should I say, got away with everything also. My dad lived out of state so he did not have a bog influence on us, but they had their mom and between our house and her house they went and it was HORRIBLE. so I talk to my mom allot. As for friends, they are all my age, but I am the first engaged and pg, haa haa, so they will listen but what can they say . .:0) I do have a dr's apt tpday, at 4:00 (I am on pacific time remember) and I am 16 weeks two days! I am in maturnity clothes but I do not feel I am showing at all, I will have to ask someone if they think I am!! :0)

 

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