Call Family During L Amp D Or Not

22 Replies
first baby - October 30

Here's my problem. I really don't want to call anyone when I go into L&D. I know a lot of women call all their family to come and sit at the hospital while there in L&D, but I don't see the point in it for me. No family is going to be allowed in the L&D room (my choice) during everything and even for a while afterwards, so me, hubby, and baby can bond. I feel kind of uncomfortable thinking about having everyone sitting in the waiting room constantly asking if the baby's here and thinking about the fact that I'm popping this little one out my crotch. I know everyone's going to know how the baby came out, but I really don't want everyone at the hospital waiting while it's happening. My hubby disagrees with me and wants to call the family when it all starts. He said that his family will come over anyway and sit and wait, even if they can't come in the room. I know mine will insist on coming, too. I really don't want this, but he insists on calling people. I think we should just call people after the baby is born, we've had time to bond, and were comfortably settled into our room. Isn't it supposed to be about the mother's comfort and what she wants? Does anyone else feel this way or dealing with the same problem? I'd appreciate any input. Thanks!


Emy - October 30

I will be calling my parents and dh's parents (if he wants). Really, as selfish as it sounds, my main concern is my mother. I figure, unless I have a miraculous delivery, I will be in there have contraction for many hours. I really want my mom there for that, as well as my dh. It will be a long 8/9/whatever hours. Then, when the delivery is about to start (like the last hour) my mom can go back out and wait so it is just me and dh. I figure she will need some coffee or something by then anyways. Labor lasts a long time sometimes - esp. with the first, and I am sure I will want to see someone else besides my dh during that time. I hear about some labors going 12 hours +. My dh will need a break too!


First Baby: - October 31

It would be ideal if there were a way to compromise, but I don't see one. Having said that, I think your comfort is most important.


C. - October 31

I think this should be up to you to decide. You are going to be going through a lot, and the last thing you need to do, is to be stressing about hordes of relatives waiting for you to deliver the baby. There will be plenty of time for the family to catch up with the little one. Once it's all over, no one has to worry about things either - why put them through all that? (Not that that would be my main concern.) Giving birth is so emotional, physically straining and exhausting, I think it would do your little family a great deal of good to have a little bit of private time together. Suppose you need time to collect yourself, primp yourself, prepare yourself for visitors? You should be given that chance, without any pressure whatsoever. You have just coped with a major miracle, hope dh can celebrate that by giving you a little break. Good luck...


Ashley - October 31

Wow, this is like, me and my husband's issue all over!!! Sort of. Dh really wants to wait until after l&d to call, and I'm ok with that. BUT he also wants the entire day to bond!!! Well, his family isn't that excited, b/c this is their 5th grandkid, but it is a first for my parents and they are so incredibly excited I can't hurt them by not letting them see the baby until days later! Also I have 3 younger brothers still living at home who would be crushed. So, we've compromised that after baby is born, we'll relax for a while, then make phone calls and let my parents/bros come over for maybe 15-20 minutes. Then they can come back the next day. I don't think his parents will even be in any kind of hurry. Even though this is their oldest son's first baby!! I understand how you don't want people sitting around waiting for you to get done having the baby. That's what my whole family wants to do, but if they don't know it's going on, they can't be there. I don't want my family freaking out for hours and stuff. My mom is the only one who is like, I'm going to be so worried anyway, please don't call until it's over!!! Good luck finding some kind of compromise - maybe he can make calls later in the labor process? This is tough - it took us a while to iron this issue out and be happy with the results. Keep working on it!!!


first baby - October 31

Thanks, for your responses. The longer I think about, the more I know that I want the L&D to be a very private personal thing. I don't want family sitting around waiting for the baby to pop out so thery can rush in and get the first glimpse. But how can I get my hubby to understand this? I don't want to take away from his joy in sharing his baby with his family, but I want to feel 100% comfortable. Maybe I'll just have to talk to him again. Hopefully, he'll really understand and consider my feelings. Thanks, again for your help!


Amber - October 31

During my delivery no one but me, my BF, and the DRs will be present. I do not want anyone staring at my crotch, as its VERY disturbing to me. It is the first grandchild on both sides, and EVERYONE wants to be there. This is a time for the 3 of us, not the 10 of us.


Crystal - October 31

Don't forget you guys that although you're the one experiencing the pain of labor, your husband is experiencing the miracle of birth right there beside you as well and his needs are just as important as yours (maybe on a different level - but equally important). It seems that people tend to forget that their partner is involved in this as well - not knocking anyone, I do it sometimes too, but I just feel strongly about letting my husband make some choices and decisions as well.


J - October 31

I agree with Crystal. My husband and I just understand that we each have our own wants and need about things like this and we just meet in the middle. I would NOT want to even CONSIDER going thru L&D without my mom there to support me....along with my DH of course and the rest of the gang (my dad, his's not like they'll sit and stare at your crotch if you tell them not to watch). I'm scared as heck to go thru labor and I need someone there that understands what I'm going thru...poor DH will never know what it's like so he won't understand as much and I don't know if he'll be able to handle seeing me in so much pain. So, I need my mom and family!


Rachael mommy2lucas - October 31

It is YOUR choice, as the one who is going to give birth. We had my mom and Mil in the room by choice, and a lot of family members were at the hospital. They were allowed to stay in the room, my choice, until I was going to push. I would have let them stay for the delivery since I am not weirded out by that, but it was hospital policy. But that was just me and my comfort level. After he came out, everyone came back in to see us, and I was happy to have them there. After an hour or so, they all left and I spent time with hubby and baby. But it is a personal choice for the mother, and her choices should be honored, period. Do not let anyone try to convince you otherwise.


... - October 31

I know this is the husband's experience too, but I am the one actually popping out the baby, so it's my decision on how I want the whole birth experience to go. We won't be calling any family until we are settled into our room after we have had the baby and had time to get situated. I don't want people sitting in the waiting room waiting. My family and his family both will be disappointed, as they all want to be there waiting, but they will just have to deal...I don't want any added stress, and this is a very intimate and personal event in my eyes, that I don't want to share with anyone but my dh. Also, I plan on b___st feeding, so his family will have to get over the fact that they can't stay at the hospital ALL of visiting hours like they did with the first grandchild(dh's brother's child)...they were there literally the whole time, and she had a csection so she was there for a few days. His family can come and see the baby once or twice, for no more than 30 mins at a time, and then leave, as I will not b___stfeed in front of any of them. Same goes for my family. If my dh was the one actually popping out the baby and b___stfeeding then he could have more say in how things go, but he's not of course, and this is what I am comfortable with so that is how things will go. You just have to be firm in what you want. Good luck


Beth - October 31

I told my bf that I didn't want anyone to come and see the baby until I got out of the hospital, he said really, good luck. We came to a decision, I don't want anyone there, just him and me and my friend who is going to help coach me, I'm going to be in severe pain for 16 hours then I don't want anyone to see me. I also don't think it's appropriate and it really freaks me out thinking of having anyone else there, like can you imagine your FIL watching you give birth, my FIL is weird and this thought creeps me out beyond belief. I think that you should get to decide, I know it's your hubby's baby too, but honestly kick him in the b___s for 16 hours then tell him to pull down his pants open his legs and invite your mother in to take a look...just the way I see it. I'm going to give birth without telling anybody, then me and my bf are going to bond with our baby, I'll have time to b___stfeed and have a nap, then have a shower, then my bf can phone people and they can come and see their first grandchild for an hour, then they can leave us alone. I'm a very private person and I just don't want to share this experience with everyone, after giving birth don't you think you'll be exhausted and just want to get to know this little one who you've been carrying for the last nine months? My bf understands that if he phones people I won't let them come and see me, why would I want anyone to see me, I'm going to be so grumpy and I'm just going to want to concentrate on getting this baby out of me!


dwc - November 1

This is a very personal time for you and your family and I believe what ever you decide is the best decision for you. I on the other hand for my first baby had about 6 people in the delivery room and I was very comfortable with my decision, but I can understand why some may chose something different. My dh doesn't want anyone but me and him in there this time and I feel that I can go through all the pre pushing phase with everyone in there and then send them out for the pushing part, and this will be a comprimse for me and dh. whatever you decied have fun and good luck.


Beth - November 1

You could call the family and tell them that you are on your way to the hospital and that you will call them after the baby comes, so they can come down. That way everyone is excited and they know you are in labor but lets say you have the baby at noon you don't have to call the family until three o'clock so you have time to be alone for a little while...and they will not know the difference. Then you kinda compromise. Good luck


To First Baby - November 1

I have to agree with your position 100%. When my neice was born everyone ran to the hospital and stood outside the door. My poor sister was moaning and groaning and my mom called her friend to tell her about every single noise my sister made, every entry and exit of the dr or nurses, etc. When my neice was finally delivered everyone poored into the room and my sister looked exhausted and a bit shell-shocked. I could tell she needed to rest but everyone was so excited about seeing the baby that they really forgot about the poor mother/my sister. You need to do what is best for you and you aren't being selfish for wanting privacy.


first baby - November 1

I'm going to talk to my hubby this evening about all this, but I have already decided that it is going to be my way! I compromise when it comes to other things in life, but I think this is different. Maybe some family will think I'm selfish or inconsiderate.....oh well. They'll have to get over themselves and realize that this is not about them! This is my body, my baby, my L&D, and my choice. The baby's not going anywhere and I need time to recover and recooperate from everything. I am wondering though if the mother has control over who comes into the room or not? Or can the father just let people in as he pleases? If my hubby doesn't respect my wishes and lets his family in, I will tell them all they need to leave and give me time to recover.


Tess - November 1

Its your choice......but as for me I would love to share the good news to my family and friends that the baby is doing fine. I think staying away from your family during L&D is a lil selfish but again its your do what its feels good for you.



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