Extreme Workplace Hostility What To Do

8 Replies
A-n-a - October 6

Hello, I really need to vent. My job function is to coordinate activities between my division and other corporate divisions. One of the salespersons in my division has a hard time following rules. I've sent him a dozen or so emails reminding him of a specific policy he refuses to do. After receiving complaints from employees and managers from another division he was sending orders to, I sent him an email stating to him that he needs follow our company rules and that I will not be forwarding his orders anymore until he does so. Well this salesperson decides not only to email my boss (his boss as well), but to email the entire sales department of my division about how I need to be kept "on a short leash", that the "girl needs to be told to do her job" and that he doesn't care if I'm a woman or a minority, I need to be put in my place (what should that even have to do with anything???). I received a copy of this email anonymously, much to my shock and dismay. How many other people read it? How much harder will it be for me to now do my job? I don't know what to do at this point. My company has a horrible reputation with HR following up with complaints, and my boss (although nice) does not deal well with employee problems. I'm 15 weeks. Do I actually try to start to look for another job now? Or do I bide my time, punch the clock and quit when I go on maternity leave, informing HR and the VP's of his antics at that time for them to deal with. Or do I say something now to HR, which is likely to result in more stress with no real satisfactory outcome? Talk to a lawyer? I don't know what to do. I don't know what will cause less stress for me. I so want to just be happy in my pregnancy and not have to have such a horrible workplace, but I don't know which is more stressful and worth it - biding time or trying to start new!


Chris1975 - October 6

Hi there. You poor thing! If your direct manager wont do anything about it and haul him in for a "talking to" about his behaviour, i would suggest going over her head and escalating the issue to your mgr's boss (or HR). If what you emailed was professional and respectful, this person has no right to attack you, and thats considered harra__sment in the workplace (especially the bit about s_xual reference!). Most companies wont tolerate that kind of behaviour if its brought to the attention of the right people (ie: HR, executives). I know it may seem unpleasant whilst your doing it, but this person needs to understand whats tolerated in a work environment. If your company is lax on those rules, i would suggest sticking it out til maternity leave, and then finding a new job when you go back to work. Nothing is worse than having an unsupportive workplace of common place HR laws. Hope it all works out for you. If its really stressing you out, perhaps its not worth even staying there longer, but certainly inform your manamgent or HR of your thinking of leaving due to this lack of control over their own employees behaviour. Middle cla__s management dont always care, but the big guns often do, and will see to it that both the middle management are brought in line to address the problems they should be , and also that the employees behave according to company policy. Best of luck !


evae777 - October 6

what level are you above this salesperson? Sending out ma__s emails like that are always inappropriate and obvious to the bigger minded execs that he is unprofessional and immature. employees like that contribute to chaos and low employee moral. most upper management will not see that as appropriate regardless if they agree with him or not. I understand that is embarra__sing, but there are people out there like that. i have dealt with employees like that myself. the best thing to do is maintain your professional composure. apologize to those you respect that have seen the email for HIS behavior and how he handled it. now as far as certain rules and policies that he is not abiding by.. is it negotiable? meaning can others see why he does things his way? and what is his intention? is he unmistakenly a sloppy worker? sometimes policy doesn't always apply to every situation, being by the book doesn't always pan out the results. maybe he has a point of view that is reasonable. what i'm saying is, if you know that you are doing your job well and have tried to reason with this guy and even help him do his job better... there is no doubt about it that you will end up on top and he will eventually have to leave due to poor performance. those types of employees naturally wont last long if they dont care and have respect for their job. and dont worry about what others think. there are always those jerks that think it is funny and misery loves company. keeping your head high, a good demeanor, and not reacting quickly in this situation and being emotionally stable in this situation will enable you to keep your respected spot in the workplace. i have had bad things, unfair things happen to me by ignorant people, but by maintaining myself and watching my manners, although hard to do and see now, in the end i have always ended up keeping the respect that i deserved (even by those that snickered and engaged in the gossip at the time). don't worry it will pa__s. no need to quit your job over some kid! it's actually funny how pathetic he is. i have compa__sion for those like that. for someone to not be able to personally handle another human being and having to resort to spreading rumors by ma__s emails... very very poor...


A-n-a - October 6

I should clarify a bit - when I say "my" division, I mean the one that I as well as the salesperson belongs to. Neither of us is above or below the other, but we both share the same boss, if that makes sense. Thanks for the comments thus far. I seriously got like, no sleep last night because it just consumed me and I hate that it got to me this much, but it just did. I just hate that we as women have to go through this c___p at the workplace! Pregnant or not!


evae777 - October 6

oh gosh, I didn't know he was just a co-worker. and i can relate I have been in sales before, outside sales, and it is definitely tough sometimes with other sales people, especially some men they think they just know it all and women are the weaker link. well, thank goodness he is an equal that's not too embarra__sing. the guy is just a moron. you can laugh and ignore him at this point and just work on your own right? It would be tough if you had to manage him. i wouldn't leave because of him though, that would give him more pleasure and really he is not important enough to disrupt an office like that. i worked with a guy like that, made me look like an idiot, always spreading stuff about me like i was a stupid weak woman that wasn't going to last. we started sales at the same time and he was much older and more experienced and was upset that with my lack of experience i got the same mid level sales position he did. anyways, long story short... he made my life hell for a good number of months. i just kept doing the best i could, stressed out in my own time, ignored him, and in the end his colors showed through and not many people liked him or even showed him respect. it's carma! what was strange is he ended up respecting me for the way i handled him all that time and we became friends later on. sucks that the good guy finishes last, but hang in there.


karyn - October 8

Hi Ana. I'm a manager at a global company and wanted to pa__s on some advice that might help. The best thing you can do is to talk to this person face to face and explain how his actions have affected you. Do so in an office or conference room. Use a lot of 'I feel' statements, which helps make the conversation non-threatening. Usually if you confront a person and work on the relationship they will treat you with more respect in the future. It's hard to do but worth it!


Chic Atty - October 8

A-N-A- I've been a member of this forum for a few months and I rarely comment, but I felt compelled to reply to you. As an attorney, I suggest you contact an attorney in your area. If the comments that you stated are direct quotes, then this employee needs to be reported to HR immediately. Send an email to your HR rep and copy your boss and state that you "feel hara__sed" by this comment. Print this email and take it home with you. Unless HR takes some MAJOR action and fires this man, go consult an attorney. Hara__sment suits against a woman in court with indisputable evidence such as this email, especially a pregnant woman, are taken seriously. (In fact, I doubt something like this would even go to court. Settlements usually take place in situations like this). Make sure to send the email first and allow time for HR to act upon it. If he is not fired, then seek out an attorney. Don't worry about the initial fee for legal help, most attornies will have a free consultation. Not only were you hara__sed, your character and reputation have now been tarnished which could affect your future career at this company. Please note this is my opinion. I hope this man gets what's coming to him. Stay strong and don't back down and just forget about this. You are 15 weeks pregnant and have your family as your #1 focus, so do not seek a new job just because of this jerk. I'm curious to see how this turns out. Good luck to you.


KRISTINA - October 10

I agree with a lot of what evae777 said. He is not worth quiting your job over and unfortunatly your next job will have another A-hole to take his place. They are everywhere. I dont know if having a face to face with him is a good idea. His remarks leave me to believe that he is the kinda person that you cannot reason with and no amount of you telling him "how that made you feel" is going to make a difference, he will probably just roll his eyes at you and you will go away feeling even worse. Now if you were his supervisor then a face to face would be needed, but you two are equals and he knows it and I doubt he will be respectful. I would report him to HR, but I wouldnt hire a lawyer. Its just going to draw the event out and this is supposed to be a happy time. Do you really want to be dealing with this for months. I know it may feel like you wont get over it anytime soon, you will. It will go away. Just make sure you tell someone and doc_ment it in case it happens again. Just let it go....not worth your time.


tish212 - October 11

first off talk to a lawyer if ur boss does not repremand this jerk what he did is considered s_xual harrasment he was showing hosility towards u du to ur gender. I had a similar problems at a job I had been in for 5 years they hired a morman man (not bashing the religion) and I was the training manager so my boss told him I was going to train him and in front of me and my boss he blantantly said no woman would tell him to do anything and he would allow anyone except a woman to train him and my boss told him no...u have to be trained by her she (i was the top sales person in my division so why not get my advice?) but he told my boss no bytch was gonna tell him how to work that woman didn't belong in a position of power and that I needed to be at home taking care of housework....EXCUSE ME?! of course my boss fired him on the spot. this incident was also considered s_xual harrasment...(we had to go to court when he filed for unemployment) and we were told by the lawyer there that putting a woman down due to her s_x is a form of s_xual harrasment...so if ur boss does nothing and u feel others are losing respect for u...u must do something DO NOT QUIT u will just let him win and u don't deserve that! he is in the wrong and he should be dealt with because of it... keep ur chin up and follow through to see that he gets the repremand he deserves! gl



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